Alphabet Slave by Kaila Carper (book recommendations for teens txt) 📖

I just wanted to take a moment and introduce the story along as myself. If none of you know who I am then that is perfetly fine. My name is Kaila, although I have a few different pennames. I wanted to take this time to talk about the following story. The story is almost finished as in I have it typed up on Microsoft Word.
I am only going to be putting the first few chapters on here because of privacy reasons. The story itself is about a abused victim. How she copes with life after the "incident" so to say. The title will make sense once you read the story. The main character explains everything within the first paragraph or so. I am not saying what happened to her because as with any good mystery or drama the plot reveals itself over time. I do hope that you enjoy the story. I hope for positive reviews but of course I welcome any reviews.
Now for those of you who are unaquainted with my writing style. As with most of my stories there are a lot of strange twists and turns. If there are any confusing parts with mispelled words or otherwise please note it for me to correct, or explain. I tend to write more along the horror genre because I am deeply fascinated by torture techniques and death. This however does not entitle you to ramble aimlessly on about random facts or quotes. Please keep the comments/reviews simple. If you have a seriously disturbing wish to know something you can message me. If not then well that is your problem.
So please enjoy the story as much as you can. If you desperately want to know how it ends then tell me.

*Oh and the main character does not mention her own name, that is done on purpose.*

xWARNINGx Not suitable for young, naive children. Or weak minded adults.

It feels as though you never left. The books you lent me still sit on my shelf awaiting your return. Yet I know you will not come. You have left… you will not come back. All I have left are bitter memories and junk. I want to burn it all but every time I try my hands start to shake. What have you done to me? Where has that person gone? Your scent still lingers everywhere I go. It's like you never left but I know you are gone. No matter how I beg nothing will happen. I bet you didn’t know but I still have everything you gave me. I still have those pictures we took. I could not even shred them… What am I to do? Your very existence tortures me. If I was to get rid of you from this world could I live again? Would I be able to breath freely and talk clearly? No it would make it worse. Because I would know that one day I would still be confronted by you. Its not that you ran away… it was me who ran. Its not that I am begging for you to come back I am begging that you are gone. That you disappear… so that I never will meet you again. I am sorry… I am so sorry. No, I am not sorry that is a lie. I am not sorry for anything. My mind keeps going around in circles. I can not even concentrate. You have tainted everything around me. Even if I do not want to I still love you. How is that possible? Even after what you did, even after what I saw. How can I still feel this way? Please let it end! There is not much more I can handle.
I will go insane if I can not stop this. Please, please… what can I do? My mind drifts off finally. Its been weeks, and still I am like this. I can’t go to school… I can’t… don’t make me. I’ll see you… its unavoidable. I can’t be like this… I am scared. My mind and body will never be the same. I have to get over this. I can’t let this set me back. Living in the past is not me… its not me. Who am I? I can not even answer that anymore. It’s a foreign question now. The only way to get past this is to stop thinking. I have to stop thinking about you. I have to construct different thoughts. Change my pain into anger… into hate. Whatever I can do to stop thinking about you. It can be my little game. My steps of how to ignore you… of how to stop thinking about you. Of how to never trust any other guy ever again. I can go by the alphabet. So today’s lesson kids is A for Anger. Today I will be angry… Today that is all I will think about. I will think about how angry I am at the world. The world is unfair… why did it have to be me. Why not someone else… I am not the only student in the school. So from today onwards I am going to be angry at every man I meet. I will think of them as scum. I will not talk to them. I will be mean to them. Its all just to forget about you. Its all because of you. You would be so happy… I hope you get sick. I hope something happens to you, something terrifyingly horrific.
I wake up to the alarm going off. Be strong today… be angry.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
School ah yes… the place of torture itself. Gossip central with a twist. I am not going… I don’t want to go. No I must go… I must be strong. I must show you that I am different. That I am changing, that I am a different person. You will never come near me again. You will never touch me again. I pick up my shoulder bag and sling it over. There is nothing about this place that I like. No one here that I trust… everyone is the same. They stare, they point they laugh at your misery. Its their own game to cope for their lives. I guess I understand, I have my own game. The school is old and creepy. No it’s the people that make it feel that way. Today I have my war face on. My make-up is dark and I am wearing black. This is to ward off all evil. it’s a warning to others if they get close I will bite. Yes it’s a new start… a new person. I don’t care if someone tries to call me names. I am use to that already. Even if it was a previous friend I don’t mind. Their not my friends anymore. No one is my friend. Not after all of that. How can you be someone’s friend and believe someone else you don’t even know? People are so twisted.
I walk up the school sidewalk. There are a few groups of people outside. A few of them are staring but most are talking to one another. I would rather be invisible than this. I can’t let myself care. I shift my eyes around alert of my surroundings. I will not smile, nor grin… no emotions. No emotions other than anger. When did the school entrance become this far away? I push up my bag on my shoulder and continue onward. Look straight forward just get to the goal. I push at the door but someone pulls it open before I get the chance. I look up and then look away.

‘Whoa what happened to you? You go goth or something?’

I continue on walking. Its one of those guys who tries to get under your skin. Ignoring is the best option. Especially with him since if you leave an opening he will continue to push you. My locker is not a place I will go anymore. Its to close to that place. I can’t go there… must avoid at all costs. I swerve around a group of pink pompoms. How sickening… how can they act like that? Don’t they know? How could they not… no wait they don’t know. No one really knows what happened. Only I know and he knows. Yet they are so willing to believe him. I become labeled as the liar, the girl who makes things up. Should I go to class? Why else would I come to this dump? I dash into the classroom avoiding another cloud of perfume inhaling airheads. How fortunate I am that I did not get sucked along with them. Is this all my fault? Is it because I did not put my foot down? Is it because I just went along with everything he ever told me? What a control freak… how could I not see that earlier?
My bag slides off my shoulder and thumps onto the floor. Their curious glances do not go by me unknown. I can feel them… they want to know. They can’t know, never, never will they know. If they knew they… no… they can’t know. I sit down and close my eyes. No speaking to them… I am mute. I have no voice… its just like before then… maybe I should be outspoken and loud. I should be sarcastic and mean… I should verbally abuse them all. Make them stay away, make them not want to know. I open my eyes to see that more people have entered the classroom. I am so lucky that I have English first period instead of a different class. If I had that class first I wouldn’t have even dared come. This way I can work up my courage. I can work up my anger. I will think about you and all I will think of is anger. Yes that is my only feeling.
The bell rings and more people run into the classroom. Idiots, why can’t you get here before the tardy bell rings. You know it is coming and yet you are always late. I clasp my fingers together. I set the edge of my elbows onto my table and point my fingers upwards. What to do? The teacher starts to take the roll. When she calls my name I do not answer. She looks up and sees me but stops. She looks twice and then arches her eyebrows. Yes that is the perfect reaction. Be confused… wonder what happened. I will never tell you. She continues on every now and then looking over at me. I continue to stare at her. This is step one glare make them feel uncomfortable.

‘Hey you… what’s up with you?’

I shift my eyes to look beside me. Another troublesome guy… better ignore him. I look back at the teacher. Never again will