Alphabet Slave by Kaila Carper (book recommendations for teens txt) 📖

all emotions off my face. I stare at him and shrug my shoulders. I pick myself up and start walking again. Its kind of funny actually. That is just what I think though. Let him think whatever he wants. Its better to ignore him right? I push the door open and slowly walk down the steps. Where was he going anyway? Why was he running? Was a teacher after him? I can’t dwell on this… must not think about that. I have to figure out where I am going to go for now. The park is a nice place. Or was a nice place… I could wander the streets until its time to go home. That could be suspicious though. The street is surprisingly empty I figured there would be more cars. Anger what a sweet emotion. Turning me black destroying every bit of who I use to be. Its like sealing me away… I won’t get hurt again.
I turn left and start walking faster. The more distance I put between me and this place the more safe I feel. Not many people would even be able to face going back after something like that. I was tricked… what a pity. I guess in the game of wits I was not so good. I am much wiser now I know his tricks his lures I am not going to fall for that again. He betrayed my trust… its not the same anymore. Nothing can be the same again. You just can’t fix things like that… you can’t bring it back either. I think I am gritting my teeth. Look at what’s happened to me. If only you knew how I use to be. You would know how drastic things have changed.
It seems like only yesterday I was normal. I had a hunger for life. Now all I am left with is the desire to die. I want to change everything. I don’t want to be like this. Everything that ever was will be gone. First I start with how I act. Next is how I look. I think I will bleach my hair. Make it white the opposite of what it is now. Either that or I am going to cut my hair. Maybe I will wear a wig… that way it is less time consuming. Who am I kidding I can’t touch my hair. I am pathetic… truly I can not do anything. It makes me depressed… this is how I am use to feeling though. It’s a typical feeling for me at least since summer.
I hear footsteps behind me. Probably just some random person… could be a kid. Although it sounds like the person is running. I will not turn around, unless this person runs into me as well. Maybe I should glance just to make sure.

‘Hey!’

My feet want to stop but I must keep going. I look behind just for a second. He came… just like a dog following its master. Except we all know its not that way. If anything it’s the opposite of that. Must keep going… I turn my head back and keep walking. Why did he come after me? Class is still in session he can’t just leave. I can’t let myself believe in this. He is just being like he always was. What a cruel person. Which of us is the real cruel one though? I can’t even tell anymore. I make my face blank first then add on the anger. Must be strong, do not give in. I can not let myself be so weak. He will not affect me. I can not look into his eyes because I know what will happen. I will be swept away again. Then it will be like before him controlling me. Me going along with his silly game of charades. There were no real feelings. They were words nothing more. Not even that time was real… it was I don’t know what it was. It was a disaster the worst mistake of my life. Yet at that time it seemed perfect. I must have been delusional. There is no other excuse for it.

‘You’re really ignoring me?’

He seems so shocked. Why should he be? He knows how the world works. He should understand but maybe its getting to him. All the pressure from lying… maybe he’s cracking. I will not look at him. I will not laugh, I will not cry. Maybe my anger is all I have. Where can I run to now? There is no place its like a trap. Either way I go there is no escape. Maybe he will eventually get irritated. He should leave he won’t get anything out of me. There is no point in just walking this way forever. I dash across the road without even looking. Quite dangerous but I got lucky this time I guess. I will not look back behind me. I will not answer there is nothing I want to say to him.

‘I know about it… I know what you're hiding!’

My feet stop unwillingly. How would he know about that? No one knows… well one person knows. Yet I thought that was confidential he wouldn’t tell him. Unless he knew who the culprit was. Which he still shouldn’t have told him. I take a deep breath that is in the past. I clear my thoughts and continue walking. He already knows to much and that is all I am letting him know. He will not learn anymore. Must ignore, must ignore. I wish I could talk about what happened. Yet… there is just something unresolved.
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Nighttime such a peaceful time. Oh take me away from this place. I would give anything to be away from here.
C for Caught

There is no time… no time for excuses. I can not even imagine what to do. The past two days I have followed my two rules. Now what is today’s? I could plot… catch him in the act of trying to seduce someone else. I could get rid of him from my life. He could be taken away and never able to con anyone else ever again. Maybe I have everything wrong but this is how I see it. Should I be so spiteful?
I put my hair up into a bun. The sun is just starting to rise… how could I even sleep last night? I still keep going over it in my mind… how did he figure it out? School will be starting in a few… what will I do about today? You know maybe I will graduate early. I can just go straight into college for the spring semester. Maybe if I discuss this with the counselor. Getting out of there as soon as possible is my only choice. I can let this all be in the past then. I can be a different person. I will go far away to some college no one around here has ever heard of. There already is one college I applied for. So there is one possibility. Then I can just restart. Forget about this place and everyone here. Especially him… I like this idea.
The lights are off but it feels as though there is a spotlight on me. Why do I have that feeling? I feel as though I am going to be submerged into the past. It is because of all of these thoughts. I close my eyes and see it all again. That day while I was sneaking around… they had summer school at the high school but I went there for the books. I just wanted to read, and yet… I chose the wrong day. I was tricked… he said he needed help but it wasn’t with what I thought. He trapped me, lied to me… I felt so used. I still remember that look in his eyes. It was like a hungry wolf. I was the prey because I was the weakest he knew that. When I open my eyes I realize that I should be leaving for school. I have dwelt long enough in the past. I am going to have to avoid my mother again this morning. She is probably already up… and waiting. There is only one way out, through my window. Which lucky its not that far from the ground and there is the roof on the porch. The neighbors will be suspicious but let them think what they want. Its their imaginations.
I avoid the mirror at all costs. It only reminds me of what was. I only use it when I need to. Its kind of like my feelings. I will only use them when I need to.
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Lunch is fast approaching. Math I use to like math. Now its just a bunch of numbers on a paper. With no meaning to me… it is blank. I can not seem to make my brain comprehend it anymore. Its dead to me… So now all I can do is sit here. I put on a mask and pretend. Even though it does not help much. During lunch I am going to see the counselor. Its not like lunch is highly nutritious and not eating will affect me. The teacher walks back up to the front of the class and starts on her daily speech. Its about finishing the work she handed out and everything else. She always says the same thing everyday. I wonder if she knows she repeats herself. Although it means the bell is going to ring soon. Right after I think that the annoying sound goes off.
I stand up and grab my bag and my folder. Someone taps my shoulder and snickers. I am guessing it is another pathetic person. I am not wasting my time.

‘Hey you, its not Halloween.’

Ignore them, its just a stupid person. The person does not seem interested in bothering me when I do not answer back. Well better get to the counselors office. I think he takes his lunch after all of the students get through. If not then I will have to visit him later. Either way I am talking to him. I hope does not ask to many questions. My voice has not worked in I don’t know how many weeks. Its kind of been the ignoring me thing going on. Its been nice actually but then again I have not really wanted to talk to any of them. What would I say? They didn’t believe me so what next? I am not giving out free chances… that reminds me of monopoly. Which is what this school runs on. One week you are everyone’s best friend the next they think your scum or a nick in their perfect little lives. Their lives are to peaceful they need a rude awakening. Yet that is not my business.
Do you think I have taken to drastic steps? The only reason is because I don’t deserve anything. I can’t wear colorful things because it makes me depressed. I can not listen