The Light Shines in Darkness by graf Tolstoy Leo (the best novels to read .txt) đ
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PRIEST. And how are the people to be guidedâwithout any really definite truth?
NICHOLAS IVĂNOVICH. That's what is terrible! Each one of us has to save his own soul, and has to do God's work himself, but instead of that we busy ourselves saving other people and teaching them. And what do we teach them? We teach them now, at the end of the nineteenth century, that God created the world in six days, then caused a flood, and put all the animals in an ark, and all the rest of the horrors and nonsense of the Old Testament. And then that Christ ordered everyone to be baptized with water; and we make them believe in all the absurdity and meanness of an Atonement essential to salvation; and then that he rose up into the heavens which do not really exist, and there sat down at the right hand of the Father. We have got used to all this, but really it is dreadful! A child, fresh and ready to receive all that is good and true, asks us what the world is, and what its laws are; and we, instead of revealing to him the teaching of love and truth that has been given to us, carefully ram into his head all sorts of horrible absurdities and meannesses, ascribing them all to God. Is that not terrible? It is as great a crime as man can commit. And weâyou and your Churchâdo this! Forgive me!
PRIEST. Yes, if one looks at Christ's teaching from a rationalistic point of view, it is so.
NICHOLAS IVĂNOVICH. Whichever way one looks, it is so. [Pause].
Enter AlexĂĄndra IvĂĄnovna. Priest bows to take his leave.
ALEXĂNDRA IVĂNOVNA. Good-bye, Father. He will lead you astray. Don't you listen to him.
PRIEST. No. Search the Scriptures! The matter is too important, as a matter of fact, to beâlet's sayâneglected. [Exit].
ALEXĂNDRA IVĂNOVNA. Really, Nicholas, you have no pity on him! Though he is a priest, he is still only a boy, and can have no firm convictions or settled views.âŠ
NICHOLAS IVĂNOVICH. Give him time to settle down and petrify in falsehood? No! Why should I? Besides, he is a good, sincere man.
ALEXĂNDRA IVĂNOVNA. But what will become of him if he believes you?
NICHOLAS IVĂNOVICH. He need not believe me. But if he saw the truth, it would be well for him and for everybody.
ALEXĂNDRA IVĂNOVNA. If it were really so good, everyone would be ready to believe you. As it is, no one believes you, and your wife least of all. She can't believe you.
NICHOLAS IVĂNOVICH. Who told you that?
ALEXĂNDRA IVĂNOVNA. Well, just you try and explain it to her! She will never understand, nor shall I, nor anyone else in the world, that one must care for other people and abandon one's own children. Go and try to explain that to Mary!
NICHOLAS IVĂNOVICH. Yes, and Mary will certainly understand. Forgive me, AlexĂĄndra, but if it were not for other people's influence, to which she is very susceptible, she would understand me and go with me.
ALEXĂNDRA IVĂNOVNA. To beggar your children for the sake of drunken YefĂm and his sort? Never! But if I have made you angry, please forgive me. I can't help speaking out.
NICHOLAS IVĂNOVICH. I am not angry. On the contrary, I am even glad you have spoken out and given me the opportunityâchallenged meâto explain to Mary my whole outlook on life. On my way home to-day I was thinking of doing so, and I will speak to her at once; and you will see that she will agree, because she is wise and good.
ALEXĂNDRA IVĂNOVNA. Well, as to that, allow me to have my doubts.
NICHOLAS IVĂNOVICH. But I have no doubts. For you know, this is not any invention of my own; it is only what we all of us know, and what Christ revealed to us.
ALEXĂNDRA IVĂNOVNA. Yes, you think Christ revealed this, but I think he revealed something else.
NICHOLAS IVĂNOVICH. It cannot be anything else.
Shouts from the tennis ground.
LYĂBA. Out!
VĂNYA. No, we saw it.
LISA. I know. It fell just here!
LYĂBA. Out! Out! Out!
VĂNYA. It's not true.
LYĂBA. For one thing, it's rude to say âIt's not true.â
VĂNYA. And it's rude to say what is not true!
NICHOLAS IVĂNOVICH. Just wait a bit, and don't argue, but listen. Isn't it true that at any moment we may die, and either cease to exist, or go to God who expects us to live according to His will?
ALEXĂNDRA IVĂNOVNA. Well?
NICHOLAS IVĂNOVICH. Well, what can I do in this life other than what the supreme judge in my soul, my conscienceâGodârequires of me? And my conscienceâGodârequires that I should regard everybody as equal, love everybody, serve everybody.
ALEXĂNDRA IVĂNOVNA. Your own children too?
NICHOLAS IVĂNOVICH. Naturally, my own too, but obeying all that my conscience demands. Above all, that I should understand that my life does not belong to meânor yours to youâbut to God, who sent us into the world and who requires that we should do His will. And His will is âŠ
ALEXĂNDRA IVĂNOVNA. And you think that you will persuade Mary of this?
NICHOLAS IVĂNOVICH. Certainly.
ALEXĂNDRA IVĂNOVNA. And that she will give up educating the children properly, and will abandon them? Never!
NICHOLAS IVĂNOVICH. Not only will she understand, but you too will understand that it is the only thing to do.
ALEXĂNDRA IVĂNOVNA. Never!
Enter Mary IvĂĄnovna.
NICHOLAS IVĂNOVICH. Well, Mary! I didn't wake you this morning, did I?
MARY IVĂNOVNA. No, I was not asleep. And have you had a successful day?
NICHOLAS IVĂNOVICH. Yes, very.
MARY IVĂNOVNA. Why, your coffee is quite cold! Why do you drink it like that? By the way, we must prepare for our visitors. You know the CheremshĂĄnovs are coming?
NICHOLAS IVĂNOVICH. Well, if you're glad to have them, I shall be very pleased.
MARY IVĂNOVNA. I like her and her children, but they have chosen a rather inconvenient time for their visit.
ALEXĂNDRA IVĂNOVNA [rising] Well, talk matters over with him, and I'll go and watch the tennis.
A pause, then Mary IvĂĄnovna and Nicholas IvĂĄnovich begin both talking at once.
MARY IVĂNOVNA. It's inconvenient, because we must have a talk.
NICHOLAS IVĂNOVICH. I was just saying to Aline âŠ
MARY IVĂNOVNA. What?
NICHOLAS IVĂNOVICH. No, you speak first.
MARY IVĂNOVNA. Well, I wanted to have a talk with you about StyĂłpa. After all, something must be decided. He, poor fellow, feels depressed, and does not know what awaits him. He came to me, but how can I decide?
NICHOLAS IVĂNOVICH. Why decide? He can decide for himself.
MARY IVĂNOVNA. But, you know, he wants to enter the Horse-Guards as a volunteer, and in order to do that he must get you to countersign his papers, and he must also be in a position to keep himself; and you don't give him anything. [Gets excited].
NICHOLAS IVĂNOVICH. Mary, for heaven's sake don't get excited, but listen to me. I don't give or withhold anything. To enter military service of one's own free will, I consider either a stupid, insensate action, suitable for a savage if the man does not understand the evil of his action, or despicable if he does it from an interested motive.âŠ
MARY IVĂNOVNA. But nowadays everything seems savage and stupid to you. After all, he must live; you lived!
NICHOLAS IVĂNOVICH [getting irritable] I lived when I did not understand; and when nobody gave me good advice. However, it does not depend on me but on him.
MARY IVĂNOVNA. How not on you? It's you who don't give him an allowance.
NICHOLAS IVĂNOVICH. I can't give what is not mine!
MARY IVĂNOVNA. Not yours? What do you mean?
NICHOLAS IVĂNOVICH. The labour of others does not belong to me. To give him money, I must first take it from others. I have no right to do that, and I cannot do it! As long as I manage the estate I must manage it as my conscience dictates; and I cannot give the fruits of the toil of the overworked peasants to be spent on the debaucheries of Life-Guardsmen. Take over my property, and then I shall not be responsible!
MARY IVĂNOVNA. You know very well that I don't want to take it, and moreover I can't. I have to bring up the children, besides nursing them and bearing them. It is cruel!
NICHOLAS IVĂNOVICH. Mary, dear one! That is not the main thing. When you began to speak I too began and wanted to talk to you quite frankly. We must not go on like this. We are living together, but don't understand one another. Sometimes we even seem to misunderstand one another on purpose.
MARY IVĂNOVNA. I want to understand, but I don't. No, I don't understand you. I do not know what has come to you.
NICHOLAS IVĂNOVICH. Well then, try and understand! This may not be a convenient time, but heaven knows when we shall find a convenient time. Understand not meâbut yourself: the meaning of your own life! We can't go on living like this without knowing what we are living for.
MARY IVĂNOVNA. We have lived so, and lived very happily. [Noticing a look of vexation on his face] All right, all right, I am listening.
NICHOLAS IVĂNOVICH. Yes, I too lived soâthat is to say, without thinking why I lived; but a time came when I was terror-struck. Well, here we are, living on other people's labourâmaking others work for usâbringing children into the world and bringing them up to do the same. Old age will come, and death, and I shall ask myself: âWhy have I lived?â In order to breed more parasites like myself? And, above all, we do not even enjoy this life. It is only endurable, you know, while, like VĂĄnya, you overflow with life's energy.
MARY IVĂNOVNA. But everybody lives like that.
NICHOLAS IVĂNOVICH. And they are all unhappy.
MARY IVĂNOVNA. Not at all.
NICHOLAS IVĂNOVICH. Anyhow, I saw that I was terribly unhappy, and that I made you and the children unhappy, and I asked myself: âIs it possible that God created us for this end?â And as soon as I thought of it, I felt at once that he had not. I asked myself: âWhat, then, has God created us for?â
Enter Man-servant.
MARY IVĂNOVNA [Not listening to her husband, turns to Servant] Bring some boiled cream.
NICHOLAS IVĂNOVICH. And in the Gospels I found the answer, that we certainly should not live for our own sake. That revealed itself to me very clearly once, when I was pondering over the parable of the labourers in the vineyard. You know?
MARY IVĂNOVNA. Yes, the labourers.
NICHOLAS IVĂNOVICH. That parable seemed to show me more clearly than anything else where my mistake had been. Like those labourers I had thought that the vineyard was my own, and that my life was my own, and everything seemed dreadful; but as soon as I had understood that my life is
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