Parent With Purpose by Tiffany Mitchell (the chimp paradox TXT) 📖

we are now accountable for our vision. The hardest part about this is we not only have to create this vision but we ourselves have to become it. We have to demonstrate in how we move, walk and talk in order for this to become real. It is impossible to preach to a child. You can say all you want to them but in the end they will become who you show them to be and not who you tell them to be.

 

Creating a vision for your child also takes a high level of consistency.  Every decision you make from the time that they are toddlers straight through until they are adults has to be consistent with your vision.  How you treat others, the people we allow to be part of their lives and the experiences we make for them all have to be consistent with this vision. We must always be aware of our behavior and willing to alter it in an effort to stay true to this vision. This is incredibly difficult.  Most of us make New Year’s resolutions and by February we have already broken those promises and those are the promises we make to ourselves! The challenge really does become sticking to the vision from adolescence all the way into adulthood.

 

We have to think clearly and remain aware because we may be making choices that are not aligned with that vision and not even know it. For example we tell our children nothing is impossible. We tell them they can do anything they set their mind to. When they come up with an idea, out of fear or the belief in our society’s rules we tell them they can’t. Those of us who believe we are very supportive parents unknowingly destroy the spirits of our little dreamers when we give them the list. You know that list we are all taught to follow.

 

            If your eight year old came up to you and said “Mom, I want to start a clothing line” most would respond with great! Go to school, get and education, study fashion then after you received a degree, try to get a job at a fashion company and work your way up.  However what if we chose to tell that same eight year old ok let’s do it! How many of us would allow her to make sketches and help to actually make it happen? Would we really go to the wholesale places get materials and sow them and bring their visions to life? Why is that? Is it because they’re too young to know what they want or is it because you are too busy to help them to execute their plan.

 

 Now I can’t guarantee that is the moment when she becomes the top designer in the world dressing the models on the runway but I will say that by doing this you will have shown her, her own power. You will have given her a real belief in her dreams. You will have demonstrated the true belief that anything is possible and you will have granted her the support, encouragement and confidence she needs so when she does decide to pursue something she knows it’s really possible. She also knows that she can count on you to be there for support and encouragement.

 

We need to raise our children to be confident conquers and not wounded dreamers. We need to have a world of adults, leaders, and mentors that aren’t afraid to live their true purpose. They may be little people but they have big ideas, and beautiful minds. They are fearless and truthful beings that have something to offer this world. We don’t have the right to stand in their way or distract them with the rules we have created to be successful. They were created to be extraordinary people. To be a true supporter of their heart, mind, and spirit in this special way is when we have truly made the choice to parent with purpose. We must create a vision for them and we must do so selflessly.

 

 Creating a vision is something that takes time and real focus. If we are going to stay true to this vision throughout their lives, then our vision has to be created clearly and with extreme thought. Think about yourself and all the parts of your life that you struggle with. Think about how those things came to be.  Become aware of the parts that you really like about you and the parts you struggle with. You have to be mindful of the person you are molding them to be in the most selfless way possible. This is not about you putting your desires on to them and brainwashing their minds to achieve the things you didn’t. Creating the vision is about the TYPE of person you want them to be.

 

Here are some that are important ones you may like to add to your vision.

 

Confidence: Confidence in self is truly crucial for everyone. The lack of it invites confusion and poor decision making. It limits how far you can go to accomplish your dreams. This also leads to unhealthy relationships through life. There must be a real understanding, appreciation and love of self.

 

Confidence is very hard to teach especially as a child because of the outside factors. There are so many circumstances that contribute to holes in confidence. If families are divided where a parent is outside of the home it can create a hole. Adding new siblings creates a hole. Whether they are the oldest child vying for attention when a new baby comes, or a middle child seeking their place a little hole is made in their confidence.

 

 As children turn into teenagers they are surrounded by peer pressure. The struggle with wanting to fit in also creates holes in their confidence. It is no wonder why we as adults tend to have these empty spaces. This is why we struggle so much in adulthood. We live a life where we obtain holes based on our circumstances and we end up spending a lot of our lives trying to fill them.

 

It is impossible to think that a child is going to go through life and that you can protect and prevent them from ever having to go through these types of situations.  You just can’t. You can however make sure you are aware of these defining moments and address them appropriately.  Reassurance of self has to be offered.  They need to know they are special and important part of the family. They must never be used as a bargaining chip or weapon when problems arise in the home. Each child needs to have their own special relationship with each parent.  This needs to be consistent.  The most important part of building confidence is demonstrating it.

 

Love: Love is a BIG thing to teach and by far the most important thing you can teach your children.  We sometime believe that because we genuinely love our children that we are teaching them love but there is another piece of the puzzle. We tend to be judgmental and conditional with the way we love outside of our children and therefore we easily contradict ourselves. We cannot just have love for our children we also have to extend it to everyone around us.  We have to be aware of how we communicate ourselves to each and every one we come in contact with.  Think about what your parents taught you about love. How did they express it to you and how did they interact with each other. How did they treat each other during disagreements? How did they treat people outside of the home whether it was friends, family or strangers? The behaviors that they participated in whether they were good or bad contributed to the way that you go about all your relationships as well as your overall outlook on people. Just as your parents contributed to your emotional behavior and/or beliefs your behavior will contribute to your children’s.

 

Each and every thing you do and say is helping to shape the person your children will become. Understand that with or without any conversation you are always communicating your thoughts, beliefs and ideas. You must use this as an opportunity to question how you view love, uncover any misconceptions, and heal and parts of you that you need to so that you can create a solid foundation for your child. You want to create a loving environment where everyone is affectionate, compassionate, forgiving and understanding of each other. You have to embrace all others as well despite differences in culture, gender or belief systems. How you treat the cashier at the store, your mother in law, the homeless person on the street or the person in the car next to you that just cut you off is all making a contribution to their beliefs on love.

 

It may seem as though they are not connected but as soon as you are not compassionate to someone outside of the home you are choosing to teach conditional love when real love has no conditions.  We all are more alike than we are different and it is important to embrace our similarities rather than our differences. Now that doesn’t mean that you have to hug and profess your love to every person you meet but it does mean that you are accountable for how you treat people. It means that you have a responsibility to respect people despite where they are in their own evolutionary process. Those that are not in line with your thoughts, behaviors and beliefs are not subject to bashing and judgment but rather compassion and a willingness to understand them.  You must have the understanding that the circumstances that surrounds them have contributed to their behavior just as yours has. You can respectfully walk away and/or distance yourself with well wishes in the hopes that they will one day find their own way.

 

Love of self is just as important as showing love towards others. There is no way that you can be insecure and teach confidence. There is no way that you can teach your children to embrace their individuality if you don’t embrace yours. The way you talk about yourself teaches them not only about how to view you but how to view themselves. They were created by you and if you dislike, degrade, or demean yourself you teach them they have nothing to value. Disrespecting yourself by who you allow in your life, how you treat your body, and what you say to yourself are all defining ideas that you express to your child who they are. Understand that Love is the most important part of what you teach your children and it sets the tone for everything else.

 

Individuality:

 Individuality is a very important to embrace. Everyone is completely different with different views, desires, likes, and dislikes (even your identical twins). You must allow your child to embrace their individuality. They must become comfortable with who they are and be willing to protect it. This means that you have to praise and work with their personality. You have to be devoted to helping them become who they were meant to be. Allow them to show you who they are.  Your job is to guide them into helping them become the best part of themselves.

 

This means that your own wants for them outside of the type of people you help them to become are not useful or important. You have to throw out  all the preconceived notions of what job you want them to have and the type of relationships you want them to be a part of  . Parents should not try to live their unfulfilled dreams out through their children. There shouldn’t be any pressure on the child to do anything other than to be themselves.  Despite what they show you about who they are, they must be fully embraced even if it is the total opposite of what you wanted them to be.