Reality Lies by D.F. Downey (books recommended by bts txt) 📖

 

“Jay, your mom has cancer. It’s terminal.”

 

The words still echoed in his ears. But she looked fine. Heck, she looked better than fine. But he had come to realize that while he could maintain the illusion, inside she was wasting away.

 

“I should be able to do something.” He had thought this many times. He had come to accept this major limitation. Still, he couldn’t let her die. She had tried to reassure him but nothing she said could dissuade him. She had taken to bed a couple of weeks ago. She was in great pain. The medicine the doctors had prescribed kept her out of it. She slept more and more. Lucidity began to leave her. But in one of those brief moments of clarity she asked Jay. “When the time comes, let me go.”

 

He promised that he would but lately he realized he might not know she was gone or conversely decide she was gone when she wasn’t.

 

He was afraid that he might sentence her to nonexistence, to premature burial or autopsy that his perceptions might actually kill her. He decided to err on the side of life, to keep a positive view of her continued function. He’d rather be deluded than cause her needless suffering. He wouldn’t tell her this. When she asked her question again, he would say “I will ma.”

 

Besides maybe he’d get the hang of his gift and cure her. The hope was always there. Still, try as he might he hadn’t been able to free his father from his papered existence.

 

Lately, he had begun telling Sean about his grandpa. He showed him pictures, videos, told him stories his mother had resurrected since his whereabouts had become known.

 

Recently, Sean had been sleeping with Jay and Amy. Jay didn’t mind, he wanted him close. But they had come to realize that Sean belonged back in his own room.

 

He hadn’t covered the mural but he had placed Sean’s crib where he couldn’t see it. To coax him back to his room they had purchased a “big boy bed” and changed the room around. This worked.

 

“Daddy, I see Grandpa.” Sean called.

 

Jay realized Sean had never seen it before. He wished he had thought to show him. But it was too late now.

 

Jay entered the room. There was Sean standing on the bed and there was his father! Sean had a smile a mile wide.

 

“Grandpa! Grandpa! Grandpa!”

 

Jay looked at his father and they both broke down. He was free, free at last.

 

Grandpa was, understandably, stiff after twenty-five years on the wall but otherwise in surprisingly good shape. He was also incredibly well informed on life and the world.

 

“I didn’t have anything else to do so I listened to the TV when it was on and the radio. I’ve missed Howard Stern lately.”

 

“Amy doesn’t have the same appreciation, especially with Sean around.” Jay smirked.

 

“Pity, and I’ve listened to you guys. I probably saw more of your growing up then I would have if I was uh, mobile.”

 

Jay flushed red.

 

“Don’t worry; you were fine, incredibly normal. Still, I wish I was there for you.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Don’t be. It wasn’t your fault. How could you know? Anyway now I have a chance with my grandson and with you.” He smiled as he looked at him then he changed pace, “How’s your mother doing?”

 

“Not too good.”

“Maybe seeing me would help.”

 

Jay could hardly contain himself as they walked up the stairs and down the hallway. Quietly, he opened the door.

 

“Mom, you awake?”

 

“Yes hon, I was just lying here looking out the window.”

 

“I have a visitor for you.”

 

She tried to straighten up, “I look a mess.”

 

“You look fine.” Jay encouraged

 

“Always in your eyes, okay, let them in.”

 

Cautiously, Gary peeked in the door. On catching sight of him she was at first speechless. Then she expressed the thought aloud, “I’m dead, aren’t I?”

 

“No, you’re very much alive, as am I.” His senses danced all over her. “You’re just as I remember you.” He felt her hair, then breathed her in deeply. “Oh my God, it’s so much more than I expected.”

 

She bravely attempted to grab his hand. “I missed you so much more than you could ever imagine.”

 

“I longed for you. I’m just glad you never left.”

 

“So we have a lot catching up to do.” Johanna sang.

 

“I’d like that.” Gary responded. Jay realized he should leave but as far as they were concerned they were already alone.

 

Gary gently eased into the bed alongside Johanna. He could see she was tired. As anxious as he was to reconnect, he realized she needed to sleep. He, on the other hand, had slept long enough. He turned on his side to take her in. She couldn’t be sick! Not now, not after all this time. Jay had to be able do something. But deep down, he knew that if this was the case, he would have already done so. Still, there had to be some way. What about doctors? He wondered if they had exhausted all their options.

 

He put these thoughts away and returned to their life before. They had been happy, right? He didn’t know for sure anymore. He believed they were but who knows. Maybe, he just chose to remember it that way. He had to ask her when she woke. He had to ask her so many things. For now, he would lie against her. He would feel her warmth, her presence, her life while he could.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 29

 

“When is he coming out? It’s been two days!” Jay asked Amy.

 

“Give him time. When he’s ready, he’ll come out.”

 

“You’d think he’d at least be hungry.”

 

“Yes, you would.” Amy humored.

 

“How does mom look?”

 

“Unchanged, you really should go in.” Amy urged

 

“I don’t want to interrupt them. I feel, you know.”

 

“Guilty? It’s not your fault. How many times do I have to tell you that?”

 

“Do you think they’ve spoken much?”

 

“Well, they were speaking a blue streak the last time I went in. They didn’t seem to notice me. They’re in their own little world.”

 

“Why don’t you go in? I think they might be ready for you.” Amy urged.

 

“What should I say?”

 

“Start with good morning and move on from there.”

 

Jay steeled himself before turning the door knob. Finally, he collected himself enough to go in.”

 

“Good Morning you two, I hope I didn’t wake you.”

 

“No honey, we were just lying here.” She giggled like a young girl.

 

“How are you feeling mom?”

 

“Surprisingly good.” she smiled at Gary. “Especially, since we’re back together.”

 

“We were never apart.” he corrected.

 

She touched his arm, “Do you believe him? Twenty-five years in a wall and he can still lay it on better than anyone I ever met.”

 

“Speaking of twenty-five years, Dad you have to be insanely hungry. You haven’t eaten since you got out. Amy has breakfast going.”

 

“That’s alright my stomach must have shrunk a bit. Don’t worry if I feel the need, I’ll let you know.”

 

“You sure? Try a little something just to break in.”

 

“No, I’m fine.”

 

Jay paused a moment, “We really need to get you to a doctor. Who knows what the effect of your ordeal was.”

 

“Jay, just leave me and your mother to get reacquainted. I’ll go see a doctor if I feel the need. Right now this is all I want to do.”

 

“Gary, Jay’s right. Maybe you should go to the doctor, get checked out. Don’t worry I’ll be waiting here for you.” Johanna urged.

 

He gripped her hand, “If you think so. Jay, make an appointment.” Jay got up to leave, “and Jay...”

 

“Yeah dad?”

 

“Could you get me a slice of toast?”

 

“Sure, coming right up!”

 

***

 

Luckily, Dr. Berson had an opening in the afternoon. His father had finally left the bed to eat and freshen up. He ate little but he had a lot of questions for Jay.

 

“How long does your mother have?”

 

“They’re not sure. The one doctor said six months. But that was seven months ago. We’ve been taking it day by day.”

 

“Have you exhausted all possibilities?”

 

“You mean have we gone to all the experts, yes we have. Mom seems accepting of the inevitability. Welcoming actually, she’s had it hard. She’s tired.”

 

“Well, I’m here now. I’ve lost too much time. I can’t accept it. I can’t accept this is the end. There’s gotta be something else. I can’t believe God put us through all this only to have me arrive at the last minute. He couldn’t be so cruel.”

 

“You could look at it that he at least gave mom and you some time before she left us.”

 

“I can’t! I won’t! This is not the end! I won’t let it be the end!”

 

“Okay, okay dad. Don’t give yourself a heart attack. Maybe you might have a point. Your being here might give her more of a will to fight.”

 

“Right and it might give you a reason to be less accepting. I mean your gift. Isn’t there anything you can do?”

 

Jay was taken aback. “My gift? My curse! Don’t you think if there was anything I could do to make her better or even to ease her suffering, I would have done it by now? I can make her look twenty-eight, appear forever young. I could do it even after she dies. I can change your perception of reality but I can’t change reality. I’ve tried but I’m not able to alter the essence of things. Mom knows this. She’s accepted it. I’ve accepted it. You’ll have to accept it too.”

 

“Wait a minute. You can keep her looking as she does after she’s dead?”

 

“I think so. I’m afraid so. But . . .”

 

“Animated, talking?”

 

“Yes, but she wouldn’t be mom. She’d be a version of her, my version. It’s what I’m afraid of. What she’s afraid of. She wants me to view her as dead before rather than after.”

 

“You’re not going to do it, right?”

 

“I promised I would.”

 

Gary exploded, “I won’t let you! I’ve waited too long! I need more time!”

 

Jay tried not to react to his father’s agitation, “I wasn’t going to but I don’t want to make her a puppet, something created from my memory.”

 

“I’ll tell you when to let go.” Gary ordered.

 

Jay looked at him, “When I let go, I let go.”

 

“We’ll see.” Gary whispered menacingly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 30

 

Jay had slept soundly. The bedroom window was slightly open. He had rolled over to find Amy gone. He had fallen back to a light sleep.

 

“Jay, wake up!”

 

“Huh?”

 

“She’s gone. They’re all gone.”

 

“Who’s gone?”