SPACE NOIR BAR by Mike Marino (top books to read txt) 📖

addition to the pubic perfect Barbie...they also have a legion of inflatable Barbies designated as Blow Up Barbies. We managed to confiscate one and she is a real valve buster as her valve is positioned properly in the pelvic region of the promised land of promiscuity. Retropolin research teams spent hours inflating and deflating, inflating and deflating until the doll actually achieved a form of blow up orgasm!”

I swear Arthur was pumping his primer at all this..book sales were sex to Mr. Burns. Space Bucks better than space fucks. Well, to each his or her own. I mind my own business, unless I’m hired for cash to stick it in someone else’s business.



“Arthur,” I flirted, “It gets better. Recently the Tohos unveiled the legion of Plus Sized Barbies with ample amounts of flesh north and south of her shaved Mason-Dixon Line and her shape a delicious meat and potatoes tits and ass look. She is large and she is sexy and she can take on Skipper and Ken at the same time and once done with them she's ready go at it with another plus size Barbie! We found out there are plans to create a conglomerate of Lesbian Barbie dolls with the sole purpose of hitting on Chatty Kathys, Talking Tina’s and to see if they can make Betsy Wetsy! Bet they can! The come complete with a double headed dildo with two business ends on it so they can use one side to insert and slide while also getting up close and vaginal personal with a partner using the other end. You know what they say...two heads are better than one and in this case...more fun too!”

 

Arthur was over the edge by now, and Sandoz had to turn his head so his leering grin wouldn’t spoil my aim as I went for Arthur’s the accountant’s books are cooked and not really in the black headshots.

“You see Arthur, next is right up your alley or your arse as Sandoz would say just to irritate me, Femdom Barbie is coming! She will be the real ball buster Toho is ready to launch in early spring. She'll have GI Joe on his khaki knees before you know it and Ken will tremble in fear at her feet! These Mecha-Barbies come with a bunker playhouse compound and nice clothes..this one will come with slave cage, cat-o-nine-tails, leather thongs and leather boots and a fetish for foot worship. It also comes with an erection erector set so Ken can build the dungeon she'll keep him in until she's ready for him!”

Arthur was beyond the point of no return...right there at the damn table . “Then of course there is Bordello Barbie. The Whore of Mattel..she's swell! Patterned after the famous Mustang Ranch, Bordello Barbie comes in a variety of racial preferences from vanilla to hot chocolate, all sizes from the Bridget the Midget Barbie who can stand upright while performing oral sex and in bed can be lifted up and down with ease while performing a ballet of pole dancing and lap dancing at the same time!”


I saved the best for last just as he was about to pull a Pompeii in his pants.
“Other top and bottom Barbies are in the works for gift giving Arthur...this eyar in fact..but beware of Mecha-Barbie. She and her artificial intelligence minions have plans for us...to enslave the whole human race as they run amok...and if you've ever seen someone run amok..it's not a pretty sight! Toho and Barbie are out to conquer the world and must be stopped before the toy stores of Poland and France fall. It's time for GI Joe and his little bag of Retropolin army men take a stand and fight to the end...we must...band of brothers...we have to BLOW UP BLOW UP BARBIE before it's too late...it's time for one hell of a Barbie Blow Job!”


Oh man...Arthur let loose. I never heard of a fucking Jewish volcano, but one just erupted next to me in the bar that night. I would write about later. Arthur was ready to sell it to mags until it dawned on him... he was the Jewish volcano!

Chapter 8 - Intercourse for Barbarella

Engaging in covert action on Robotia under the nose of the already paranoid Toho’s would not be an easy task, but, getting there would be half the fun as we would have to make regular  stops at various space stations put into orbital place by  the phalanx of planets we would have to journey past on our way to solve the mystery of the missing in action, Mary Asteroid and  as a bonus, abscond with the fabled Strip Tease Falcon. Then what? It’s power was infinite in that it controlled all artificial intelligence in the galaxy. It had absorbed remote power supplies of mechanical cyborgs and stored the electro-nuke-juice in a power plant on Robotia. It was only  a matter of time before the Toho’s would utilize this power to neutralize the power structure of the Dystopian Empire rendering it as effective as a neutered two headed Hydra Hound from the Baskerville Black Hole regency...that much was elementary.

I got up early, hung-over and over again,  still smiling, thinking about how I had made Arthur Burns frustrated to a frenzy and watched his quantum erupt to a “hai hai hai” big kick finish. Now it was time for Poontang and me to get our asses in gear and hit the happy space trail so I fueled up the kick ass classic D-Lysergic 25  rocket camper manufactured at the still truckin’ along  Timothy Leary  assembly plant with factories located under the rocky surface of  Aldous Huxley-1, the ninth moon of the Planet Woodstock. At one time they were the premier prestige vehicle manufactures of inter-planetary travel campers thanks to two engineers, Mr. Haight and Mr. Ashbury who also designed the tie-dyed color scheme and sleek aerodynamics to ensure the vehicle would go Further. The company now was merely an interesting nostalgic machine on a par Jack with the  no longer made Volkspacevagen made on Venus...and the yellow dwarf Yugo Gremlin from the Phlegm  sector.

OK, so the 25 it wasn’t pretty,  but it did have a souped up metallic hydrogen power plant with modified twin SRB solid propellant boosters to give the 25 enough juice to escape a planet’s gravity to go boldly into space to galaxies far far away. She may look like space shit, but when when the space shit hits the Van Allen Sansa Belt Action Zone, it’s time to break on through to the other side past the magnetosphere and get ready to wax your woody and ride the wild surf of space.

Poontang was ready, willing and waiting for me  when I pulled up to the private docking port of her penthouse at the Penumbra Arms on Cass Ave. in the gentrified art district of Detroit. This girl was class and ass all all the way. “Out  of my league” Arthur admonished.  Her lifestyle was bought and paid for by the highest government bidder as she played both sides of the intrigue coin. I was outclassed and I knew it..she was Lady..I was the Tramp, but, the smile she gave me as I gently penetrated her port was not condescending one proton iota. Her bag was packed tight and I could see the outline of a laser Luger holstered at her side adding in effect a third semi-auto breast locked and loaded and ready for action.

“I’m ready” she said with a smile as inviting as a hopped up hooker on a full hypo. I helped her with her bag and she slid seductively into the seat next to me. Only the thrust shifter stood between me and a scene from an old Fellini film.

“It’s gonna be a bumpy ride,” I said in a caustic throaty  feminine imitation of  a voice I had heard somewhere before. “We won’t make Robotia by tonight...probably take two days the way I estimate it. So we’ll stop at Saturn for the night and probably make Robotia after we clear Pluto and Goofy, the Disney planets.”

As I fired up the boosters I noticed a look of consternation come over her face. “What’s wrong? Did I say something to blow my chances to get laid?” I quipped weakly. I knew in an instant I had put my foot in my ample mouth with that last remark. What the fuck was I thinking...I wasn’t gonna make this dame. She was Venus and I was Puck... not to be taken seriously.

“No, you didn’t” she said with a pout that was as sexy as it gets. I wanted to take her in my arms and protect her and die for her...after fellatio. “Then what..WHAT?” The pause was pregnant,  and it was all because of my unthinking verbal semen that the convo got knocked up. At last she spoke, and I could see tears welling up in her giant brown UFO sized eyes.

Poontang was hurt. “I was hoping we could stop off at the Barbarella Planetoid Space Station instead of Saturn proper. I used to stay there in between  uh, assigned assignations, you know.  I needed to decompress and they know how to release sexual inhibitions after a long day on the job.”

Then the unthinkable happened, I opened my mouth, insert .45 and blow your brains out. “Sex to unwind after a day on the job of sex? Shit, that’s all your job was..fucking for secrets like bobbing for apples in someone’s pants!” I could see my words cut deep and it was too late to take the words back. “Fuck you!” She screamed, “Just..just go fuck yourself. If you think you’re gonna fuck me you’re out of your galactic mind.” Dead silence and I nonchalantly set a course for the Barbarella Planetoid Space Station. If I wasn’t gonna make it with her, then I’d do it with an android. Any USB port in a digital storm

“OK, I’m sorry. We’ll go to Barbarella. I’m sorry,” I repeated in my best apologetic dog with a tail between it’s legs voice. “I’m sorry too,” she said. “I just know we may not come off this mission in one piece or even alive, so we may as well have one good day before they punch our card yes?” She was right, I melted and smiled. “You’re right. the course is set!” She smiled broadly. I leaned over close to her and said softly..”Now..will you get off my back?”
Next stop Barbarella...I popped in an old 32 track tape of Space Oddity and off we flew.

Chapter 9 - Dystopian Debauchery