SPACE NOIR BAR by Mike Marino (top books to read txt) 📖

We made it to Barbarella in warpspeed, docked the 25 and checked into the Motel 666. Barbarella and all it’s pleasures await us. I wanted to have a go at Poontang of course, but she was still aloof and I was willing to settle for a Cyborg or Eroti-Bot...for the time being.

Barbarella is not a planet per se, or purse say, or say, that’s not a purse to be pursued at all. What is is a  space station, an artificial planetoid, an adult alien playground of diverse perversity. In effect, the Barbarella space station is a galactic G-Spot in the vast black hole vagina  of space located on the inner ring of the behemoth planet, Saturn.  When the sun descends, and  for a few measly platinum space bucks you can enjoy a Saturnalia night special with all the psychedelic  sexual trimmings simply by following the psycho-sexual yellow brick road.


Saturn is a planet of immense impropriety so it is not surprising to find it’s artificial satellite Barbarella dripping and oozing in  Dystopian debauchery taken to the extreme edge of mental stability. To borrow and to  paraphrase the ancient ones..it is the hap, hap, happiest orb in Dystopia! I had wanted to come here for a long time, but couldn’t justify it on the expense account. Madeline Kubla Khan, my by the book secretary. and Sandoz  my erstwhile partner in the agency, didn’t like to cook the books, and I couldn’t afford the ticket to ride on what the agency was pulling in. I could barely afford the laser bullets for my Link Wray ray gun.

So now, with a large payoff after we found the Strip Tease Falcon as incentive,  it was time to cut lose to see the stuff that wet dreams were made of...the Barbarella Planetoid!
Where else can you rock and roll on the solar system’s most intoxicating Soma drug theme park ride. That's right, we're talking the Roach Clip Roller Coaster where it rocks you while you roll your own! It's all  part of the far out fun and “like wow” excitement of the solar system  where Soma, ganja and good times are as normal as inhaling and exhaling.


It’s also a cannabis  wonderland of weed with themed robots (Toho creations once again...they own the bloody Bot market!)  Reggae Mouse Mickey, Ganja Duck Donald and Voodoo Goofy! If you're looking for angel dust, don't be surprised if Whacked Out Tinkerbell doesn't dive bomb you with a dime bag of hallucinogens as you begin your journey through a real three dimensional dementia of Fantastic Fantasia Fantasy in the tunnel of love with your plastic fantastic lover. The Bob Marley Mad Hatter Mansion is full of voodoo and magic as you step through the looking glass and bang a gong and hit a bong with the animated automatronic rasta singers.."oooo mon....oooo mon..." be sure to sing along as the gods must be crazy after all!!!

Maryjane and Peter "Waterpipe" Pan take you on a journey where somebody speaks and you go into a dream as you float down the river on a ride that includes stoned pirates and alligators with carnivorous munchies in the fabled realm of Opium Land! Hap, hap, happy hopheads pop up out of the jungle on either side as the world famous Jim "Hempy" Henson’s Marijuana Puppets do a real Jamaican jumpin Jupiter jump up ceremony amidst the driving beat of drums and "oooo mon...oooo mon" punctuating the smoke filled air with enough cloud cover to give even an abstaining celibate from Ceres a contact high. It's a laugh a minute with the Bob Marley Mouseketeers Minstrels.


Who’s the leader of the band...as plain as you can see....Marley Mon, Marley Mon, with a big ol' bag of weed! Everybody sing along! Don't forget to pick up your very own custom made voodoo doll ..curse not included, but guaranteed to work on that Martian bully who is driving you to suicide because you are as weak and mentally unbalanced as they come. Stick a pin in it...toss it in the fire you just set in the gym, or put a bullet in it when you waste the rest of the kids in the cafeteria...it's fun..it's thrilling...it's deadly....and you'll love stepping through the looking glass at the Barbarella Planetoid  where Cannabis is bliss and Soma Meets Reggae and Weed!


The Barbarella Bimbo Annex next to the main theme park has more rimshots and fun than an evening of Rodney Dangerfield’s stolen jokes and offers rides aboard the Mighty Twin Matterhorn's that form the mountains of the all new Carol Doda exhibit complete with snow capped peaks in the shape of Massive Matterhorn breasts to climb, mount and conquer. Whirling  Tea Cups are nowhere to be found. Instead you can climb aboard the Lily St. Cyr D-Cup Twirling Dodge'em Bumper Boob Cars. Realistic mechanical tits that you control as you plan your D-Cup Demolition Derby by bashing and banging into your opponents well endowed lifelike breast mobiles.


In the all new "Vagina's of the Caribbean" attraction you can board the water canon boats shaped like atomic tits and with a push of a button you can activate the water cannon nipples to spray your opponent and knock them off course. After a cool experience on a hot summer day like this, take a refreshment break at the Mothers Milk Breast Feed Cafe where Orange Whips are served up in delightful suck-a-way breast shaped containers while you enjoy the spectacular effects of the all new Lactating Niagara Falls where Captain Oedipus and his Bi-Sexual Buxom Beauties entertain with fan dancing under the stars while you enjoy sucking on your very own personal "boob"

During your vacation on the shores of Lake Lactation, treat the family to a ride aboard the all new Tampon Submarine ride into a cavernous automated vagina, or try your luck as an Amateur Stripper at Strip-o-Rama where you can dress as your favorite dominatrix from Betty Page to that girl on the phone your boyfriend or husband has been calling. Lifelike automatons kneel and beg while you beat them to a pulp...fun in the sun as you get hip with whips. Strip-O-Rama has Peep Show Alley where all tastes are catered to in the privacy of your own or a double booth. For the truly macabre enjoy the stripping action in the "John Wilkes" Booth where nude models re-enact the assassination of Abraham Lincoln, only this time instead of Ford's Theater, old Honest Abe is a drag queen waiting to go on stage in North Beach.

Gay? Not that there's anything wrong in the 26th Century with it so, if you're gay or just hysterical...enjoy the flamboyant Fairyland where you too can be Tinkerbell's best friend and a Lost Boy or Girl no more quoth the raving. You can enjoy the Ed Wood Angora Singers do "Mincing with my Baby" and a few Broadway tunes from the new  musical...."God, I Love to Shop!" The Isle of Lesbos ride is another fun packed adventure attraction for girl on girl giggles, or hop aboard the Tranny Train and ride, ride, ride!


As a vacation destination, Barbarella sun, fun and buns! Clothing is optional in the park and men are reminded to get that silly smirk off your face...you're not really hung like a Louisville Slugger and your balls are not National League material. In Bimboland...Vagina's are Victorious and Tits and Ass Rock!

Poontang and I  spent the day and part of the night waxing and waning on drugs and pseudo sex stimuli simulators and hit the sleep tubes wasted and numb, but we knew we had to pull ourselves together in the moan of the morning of the day after the night before.

The next day would bring a crashing reality to light...and it all  began in a backstreet Barbarella bar in the notorious Phil Spector Sector where I got a peek into a part of Poontangs  past,  hidden in the dark, when Art Deco walked up to us in the bar. Art Deco, notorious, rebellious and dashing hero of a failed attempt at revolution on his home artificial planet  of Clitoria,  not far from the Barbarella asteroid. He also owned the Fellatio Alger Bot Bot we were in. As he walked near us in a confident stride Poontang looked up and I could see her eyes fill with tears and could tell her heart was awash in love and passion….and it was all for this...a lost love from the past. He had managed to elude the police and made his way to Barbarella, the one neutral orb in this quadrant.

He bent over kissed her hand. “Deco!” she cried out with obvious emotion. She stood and hugged him in a movement so endearing I wanted her even more now than ever. I could feel the pounding of two hearts in love but was soon to learn their story.

Before Poontang succeeded as a seasoned Com-Red agent, she was a typical university student working towards a degree in Galactic Political Science as well as a minor in the Physical Aspects of Kama Sutra Power Positions.

Professor Art Deco was  her  liberal libertine promiscuous professor at the Clitorian University in Old Big Ben London. Prof. Deco,  having a ravenous River Thames appetite  for his 20 something female student bodies, had an affair with Poontang. It turns out it was more than an affair to remember, or forget has he did with most of his student smorgasbord of space snatch.

Deco was not only a cad, but a clandestine underground organizer, a known as Hot to Trotsky hell bent on fomenting a revolution to bring down the Com-Reds and free Dystopia from its iron fist. Poontang had, after cap and gowning it, gone to work for the Com-Reds not knowing of Deco’s Jekyll Hyde dual life. Little did she fathom that  fate would soon toss her and Deco  into a voracious vortex of intoxicating sex and intrigue.

The Com-Reds knew all about the elusive Deco organization, however, they were  not aware of Poontangs past college fling. So blindly  assigned her to infiltrate his clandestine organization as a spy to gather information from within to aid in bringing down the upstart usurping uprising organization.

Poontang  did as she was told, not knowing Art Deco was the mark, while Deco was not aware she was a Com-Red red hot hottie. When she finally made contact with Hotsky she found not only  a rebel with a cause but damned if it wasn’t  Art Deco himself ….her gyroscope went spinning.

This time, sex aside. she fell in love with him and confessed that her original  mission was aimed at bringing him down and turning him over  to Com-Red  authorities, He must have been a masochist as the news obviously excited him enough to light the fuse of his libido..he too, fell in love with her both now sweating up the proletarian sheets in a swirl of revolution, intrigue and violence.


One day as they were making sheet staining love, their passions were overshadowed by the stomping of Com-Red  boots and the roar of  tanks rolling down the center