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now you would explode. I AM confused, I AM surprised. And all I know right now is that this is the only time I have seen you since your death and I don’t want to lose you again. So I’m trying to take the good out of this, I don’t want to lose you.”
I stand up and turn away from his tearing eyes.
“This is the place you are sent when you first die. This is what death looks like.” He looks around at the gray surroundings. Nothing but gray. No trees, no grass, no people, no animals. Just gray. “You can walk for miles and miles, days and days, years and years, and it will never end. I was stuck here for a while. It was awful. You start to go crazy, and you know how easy that is for me. To go crazy – I’m good at that.”
“Could you not accept that you’re dead?
“Knowing that this is what it’s like to be dead. Yes. It was hard for me. I wanted to go back to my life, but then I knew I couldn’t, so I accepted it.” I turn towards him “Now it’s your turn to accept it.”
“What? But I’m not dead Charlie.”
“You will be able to go back to your life. Trust me. I just want to show you this. Understand that right now you are dead and we can be free.”
“I don’t understand… because I didn’t die.”
“No, you didn’t. Ray, but I really want to show you what an afterlife is like. I broke a lot of rules to get out of the eternal world and to yours just to see you, and now I want it to be worth it. I want you to know.”
“You want me to feel death?”
“No… I want you to know death. I can’t say anything until we are at the right place. We can only get there if you accept death.”
“Alright Charlie.”
Eight


“It’s been two hours Ray.” She is lying on the ground and I am sitting next to her.
“Charlie… it’s kind of difficult to accept death when I’m not dead.” I look into to her eyes. I can’t believe she is right in front of me. I want to wrap my arms around her and kiss her everywhere, but I can’t. I can’t touch her. It kills me to be so close but not be able to touch her. She was my reason for breathing and I can’t even hold her hand.
She looks beautiful. She is half way transparent, but half way glowing white. Her hair was silver but had that dark look to it. She looks peaceful, she looks stunning, and she looks more alive than she ever has. When she walks towards me it almost seems like she’s gliding. Typical. Her look, the way she moved was that typical ‘look’ of ghosts, and spirits. I thought the media has made it all up, but maybe they know. Have other humans come back from the dead?
I draw my eyes away from her and look around. Everything gray. It was so plain. I can’t believe I was actually in a place where people go when they die.
“Why gray? I would think that death would be black.”
“Black is something. Gray is nothing.”
“Black is something? Its black… its nothing.”
"No Ray. Think about it. The definition of Black is the color of objects that do not emit or reflect light. Black is a color. There is only one Black. Gray is different. There is a bunch of Gray's. Warm gray, cool gray and neutral gray. Warm gray consists of yellow, orange, and red. Cool gray consists of green, blue and violet. Neutral gray has nothing. It’s just Gray. In this stage of death you are nothing. You have accepted that you are nothing to move on." She looked at me with her sparkling eyes.
"Move on to what, Charlie?" She glared at me with anger and sadness.
"When will you understand? You have to accept the fact that you are dead to go on. Then you will see."
"What if I never accept it?"
"Then we will always be here."
"What about the people in the real world? Won’t they wonder where I am?"
"Right now it’s the middle of the night there. The only reason I know that is because we left at 2:00am and it’s been two hours, but if we stay here for a while we will lose track of the time."
"Am I going to be able to go back?" I ask that like I want to go back. I truly didn’t. I would stay here forever and forever, in this still and gray world, as long as I was with Charlie.
"No matter how much you want to, beg or plead, I am not letting you leave until you see what I want you to see. Until you experience what I have." She did not look at me while she was speaking. She has always done that. She could never look into my eyes when she told me she loved me. She could never stand the fact that our love was so strong. It scared her so much.
"Well, it might take me a while to do this Charlie. Again, I’m not dead." She sits in front of me with both of our legs crossed. "Straighten your back." I did as told. She moves her hands right above my arms, almost stroking them with no touch.
"Close your eyes." I don’t want to take my eyes off of her. I am scared she is going to leave, but I know she would not.
"Ray calm down. You’re shaking. After we get through this phase we will able to show our feelings. I can hold you." She whisper's this to me. She went on. "Clear your mind. Take a deep breath." I breathe in and feel my entire body relax. Her voice was so soft. "Think of your surroundings. Think of what you have here. You have nothing. Know you have nothing." She gets quiet and does not say a word. I open my eyes to look at her. She is right in front of me as before but this time there are woods all around me. Suddenly I feel her arms under my armpits pulling me to my feet, her body presses against mine and she puts her arms around my neck with a very tight squeeze. I wrap mine around her waist for a moment then start to tear up. I can hear her sniffing, and can feel her hands stroking my hair, then my neck and down my spine. I work up her body with my hands, rubbing her shoulders and back, then hitting her beautiful curly brown hair, and holding it against her neck. We both burst with tears and I move my arms down picking her up by her legs. Still hugging, her legs wrap around me and tighten. I am holding her so tight I can almost feel her bones against mine. She strokes my hair; I can feel her breath in my ear and against my neck. She slowly looks at me. I could feel her piercing eyes, full of emotion, eyes are red and wet. She hit her nose lightly against mine as a tear runs down her face. She does not have her ghostly form anymore; she is now the Charlie I know.
"Ray." She whispers with her eyes closed. I watch her as her eyes tighten shut, biting her lips, and face crease with sadness. More tears run down her face like a stream of glittering crystals. She took a loud breath in and puts her hands on my face, crying like I have never seen her cry before. I put her back down on the ground gently and grab her face. I pull her in and our lips touch. Her lips were so soft, it was like being home. I could taste her emotion. She pulled away from me. Her hands moving up my face and through my hair. She tightened her grip, pulling my hair, and looked deep into my eyes. So deep I could feel her love.
"I love you." She said and dropped to the ground, her hands gliding down my body and hugging my legs. "Ray, I love you. I love you so much. I’m sorry." I could barley understand her with her voice sobbing with tears. I kneel down with her and hold her again. I rested my head on her shoulder as I cry with pain and happiness. Together we were in tears. "I love you. I love you." she kept saying. I look at her and stroked her cheek with the back of my fingers.
"I love you too, Charlie."

Nine


We are lying in the leaves. It was dark; I can barely see anything.
“You must be tired. We need to sleep here tonight.” Charlie says. We are lying on our sides; legs entwined together, our arms around each other, and our faces close enough to feel each other speak. It takes us a while to relax; her eyes still red. I stroke her hair, kiss her cheek, and sit up to look around.
“Where are we?” I watch her as she stands up. She is so beautiful. Her brown curly hair, her cute stomach, and her strong legs. She is wearing a long baggy tank top with shorts. I wonder where she got these clothes.
“This is the challenge. At the end you get to see what your eternal form will be.”
“Eternal form?”
“Yeah, like I’m a floating ball.” I laugh at this. She smiles at me.
Charlie walks away and starts to make a circle motion with her

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