In Me by Tiffany Anyel (novels to improve english .TXT) đ
- Author: Tiffany Anyel
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âKate, can I talk to you?â Hearing my name--and from her no less--I pause at the door, turning to the swing.
There sat Jenn smiling--âsmilingâ at me. Paul looks at me, âIâll leave you two alone.âIâll see you down at the beach.â I could only nod my head at him--still quite shocked by this.
He opens the door going inside; I start to walk standing in front of Jenn,âa few feet away. What could she possibly have to say to me?
Just seeing her again brought back how I felt earlier--and depending on what she said I knew I wouldnât be able to hold myself backâthis time. I look at her, âWhat Jenn?â âIâm sorry, okay?â Jenn said sounding sincere as she looked down playing with her hands.
Okay
, I was not expecting âthatâ to come out of her mouth. Jenn has never apologized to anyone--least of all me. And she looked so frail and vulnerable, looking at her now.
Jenn always seemed to exert confidenceâand a âI do what I please-donât give a fuck about youâ attitude. That was just how she was but now⊠maybe I had been wrong. Maybe she was even more scared and alone than I was.
Growing up with âhigh-societyâ parents couldnât have been easy. And maybe this was the side that Lee saw--maybe this is the side of her that no one else knew about besides him.
I had always wondered why Lee would be with such a âbitchâ but I couldnât bring myself to ask. Lee was his own man,âand if he chose to be with someone, I just always accepted it.âI wasnât best-friends with his âgirlfriendsâ anyway. So it never really mattered.
I sit down beside her.âTo be honest I didnât really know what to say. I mean Iâve always just ignored her in the past but I couldnât bring myself to do that. (Even though that would be the âultimateâ revenge for all the shit sheâs put me through!)
Call me a sucker but I know what itâs like to make mistakes--hell if we were being honest, I should be apologizing to her too. âUmm⊠itâs okay,â I heard myself say as I turned to look at her. I even managed a smile.
She glances up at me, âI donât know why I do⊠what I do. I guess Iâve just always been a little jealous of youâŠâ She finally said looking down.
âOf me?â I asked a little surprised--okay maybe more than a little.
âWell yea, Kate, you are very pretty--even though I could swear you act like you donât know it. I mean I think you could use some more make-up--not that you need it or anything, but you know me âthe make-up queenââitâs one of my talents,â She said stifling a laugh.
I found myself laughing with her, âWell thanks,âand so are you. Very pretty I mean.â She was.âShe could probably tone down on the make-up a littleâbut thatâs probably because I never really liked to wear it.
Jenn was beautiful--she had it all. The clearââunblemishedâ skin, the âfitâ body--she probably had her own personal trainer. And not to mention her light brown,âstreaked blonde hair, and gorgeous blue eyes.
Itâs like I was looking at her for the first time.âBefore I couldnât get past her bitchyness but now⊠seeing her like this, I can see why Lee liked her--maybe even loved her. Even though thatâs a little hard for me to swallow,âbut I bet itâs true.
âLee adores you,âyou know,â Jenn said looking up at me, âThatâs probably another reason I give you such a hard time. I know he cares for you. I can see it in his eyes. And I know... you feel the same,â Jenn finally said looking down.
I smile at her, âYea I do. And he cares for you too, you know. But thatâs Lee thoughââMr. Sensitiveâ,â I finally said looking down,âsmiling. Jenn stifles a laugh, âYep he is that.â
****
After getting ready,âI walk down to the beach. I decided I was ready to just be âmeâ--nothing more, nothing less.
I didnât feel the need to âproveâ anything to anyone--most of all myself. And I no longer felt the need to hide--or be too âout thereâ. No, I realized I was somewhere in between and I liked it. So I wore the plain rustic orange piece,âit was simple--like me.
And after me and Jennâs⊠âmoment of peaceâ(Yea I know) I had let go of a lot of my own insecurities and fears.âSharing with her, seeing a different side to her--helped me. Who knew?
I sure as hell didnât. Jenn would have been the last person--better yet she wouldnât have even made the list of people I thought would have impacted my life. But she did.
I guess thatâs life for you. I guess in the end we are all the same--looking for acceptance, looking for love. And finding it in yourself,âIâve realized is the first step.
As I approach I see Paul, John, and Sam playing around in the water. âHey, sheâs here!â John said as he saw me stepping in.
âHey guys! Oh god it is cold,â I said as I came closer to them. âIt warms upâand then it just feels too good,â Sam said laughing as she splashed John with water. âHey cut it out! Oh yeaâŠâ John said as he dunked Sam head under water.
âI thought you were working the booth John?â I finally asked teasingly. âI told them I had put in all the volunteer hours I was going to.âI was so ready to get out of there. I couldnât deal with any more whiny kids!,â John said laughing.
Laughing with him, I feel Paul come up behind me,âholding me. He leans over whispering in my ear, âYou look good enough to eat.â Taken aback a little I smile up at him and bend down splashing his face with water.
I had been playing around with everyone,âhaving fun. Making sure not to get too close to Paul--I didnât want to lead him on any more than I already have.
I enjoyed his company,âbut if I were being honest with myself⊠I wanted to be with Lee. And I could no longer hide that--I no longer wanted to.
But Paul has been relentless--making sure he was always next to me, touching me at random times--in different places. I didnât want to ruin the mood by being to forward but I had started to feel a little uncomfortable about his own âforwardness.â
I wished Lee was here, but I hadnât seen him since⊠our fight at the carnival. Maybe he left? Or maybe he even decided I just wasnât worth the effort.
It pained me to think that way but now that I âacceptedâ that I had feelings for him. I couldnât help feeling a little vulnerable about what might happen between us. Did he still want to be with me?
It would be my luck,ânow that I had let go⊠of my fear, he had decided he didnât want to. If I could just see him again, all I would need to do is look in his eyes and Iâd know in that instant--if he still felt the same. âWhat you thinking about?â Paul asked as he came up to me,âholding me from behind.
I pull away turning around, âOh nothing...just how much Iâm going to miss the beach. I think I may be spoiled a little,â I finally said smiling at him.
âAre you saying Iâve spoiled you?â Paul said as he wrapped me in his arms holding me close. Before I could react,âhe brings his hands down touching my ass, âI like spoiling you.â
I move his hands away--stepping back, âI think Iâm ready to get out of this water. Iâm starting to look all prune-y,â I finally said turning around,âwalking out of the water.
I didnât know if it was just tonight or just the way he was.âMaybe he was like this with all his âconquestâ as John put it--but I didnât like it.
I probably was reading too much into,âbut he was becoming a little too âhandsyâ for my taste. âWhere did Sam and John go?â I asked as we made it to shore.
âOh they went to get some food,âthey should be back soon. Sam wanted a little âlate night snackâ on the beach. Oh there they areâŠâ Paul finally said spotting John and Sam carrying a basket and some blankets.
âOh okay, that sounds like fun,â I said as they approached. I could definitely eat something. I hadnât been able to eat earlier--watching âLee and Jennâ. And at least Sam and John would be here. I knew if it would have just been me and Paul,âI would have definitely told him no.
We had all been silently munching--I was so hungry. âHey guys, wow,âthis looks good,â Jenn said sitting down grabbing some fruit.
Hearing footsteps behind me and knowing who it was--my heart starts pounding and I couldnât concentrate on eating. Feeling incredibly nervous as I watched his footsteps,âthen his waist, as he finally sat down in front of me.
I hadnât looked up since I felt him--even though it took all I had not to. I missed his face.
Finally looking up, I meet his eyes. And I am hit with how much I am in love with him all over again. There was no one else--just us, as we both sat there staring at each other.
He playfully sticks his tongue out, smiling at me. Feeling myself stifle a laugh, I do the same. I am so in love with Lee and it took me falling in love with myself to finally see that. And looking in his eyes I knew he felt the same--I donât know why I even doubted âusâ.
For the first time I watch him look away--and everyone else comes back into focus. Sam and Jenn were laughing with each other, and I saw John on the phone.
I finally notice what Lee was looking at--more like who, as Paul came walking back sitting down next to me. I hadnât even noticed him gone.
âSorry about that,â Paul said looking at me. I watch him look and notice Lee,âhe smiles turning to me, âDo you want anything else to eat? I could get it for you.â âThanks but Iâm okay,â I said smiling at him. I knew what Paul was up to, but it didnât matter. I also knew who my heart belonged to.
âHey guys, how about we take one more swim? I mean who knows when we will be together againâlike this. What do you guys think?â Sam asked as she looked at everyone. âWhat do you think babe,âyou want to?â Jenn said looking at Lee.
Babe? They were still together? I had silently hoped he would have I dunno⊠told her about us or told her something⊠And I had thought since this was the first time they werenât sitting right next to each other--maybe something did happen between them.
I mean normally Jenn made sure to keep Lee right under her nose. But no⊠he was still stringing her along--and after I had told him how I felt about it--I look at Lee.
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