The Book of Good Manners by W. C. Green (brene brown rising strong .txt) 📖

her. He should give a slight pressure only.

A man with hands gloved should never shake hands with a woman without an apology for so doing, unless she likewise wears gloves. A sudden meeting, etc., may make a handshaking in gloves unavoidable. Unless the other party is gloved, a man should apologize.

When men are introduced to men, they always shake hands. It is bad form to crush the hand when shaking it.

When introduced to a woman, men should bow, but not offer to shake hands.

CALLS. If the woman is seated when a man enters the room, she rises to greet him, and, if she wishes, shakes hands. She has the option to shake hands or not, and should make the first advances. It is bad form for him to do so.

WOMEN. Upon introduction, a woman may shake hands with either men or women, but a slight inclination of the body, a pleasant smile, and an appropriate remark are more correct.

A young girl, upon being introduced to an older woman, should await the action of the elder, who will shake hands if kindly disposed.

If one person extends the hand, it should be accepted without the slightest hesitation, to avoid embarrassment.

SIGNING LETTERS. See ADDRESSING AND SIGNING LETTERS.

SILK WEDDINGS. This is the name of the forty-fifth wedding anniversary, and is now seldom observed.

If it is, any article of silk would be appropriate as a gift, and congratulations may be extended in accepting or declining the invitations. The invitations may have the words: No presents received. An entertainment usually follows.

SILVER WEDDINGS. After twenty-five years of married life, the silver wedding may be celebrated.

On the invitations sent out may be engraved the words: No presents received.

Congratulations may be extended in accepting or declining the invitation. Any article of silver is appropriate as a gift. An entertainment follows.

At a silver wedding the invitations may be appropriately engraved in a silver-gray color, and the decorations are usually of the same color.

SLIPPERS-THROWING AT WEDDINGS. The throwing of slippers after the bridal couple on their leaving the house for their wedding trip is in poor taste.

SMOKING. At a dinner when the women rise, the men also rise and remain standing until the former leave the room, when cigars and coffee are served. Sometimes the men accompany the women to the drawing-room, bow, and then return to the dining-room for the coffee and cigars, where they remain about half an hour.

Smoking in restaurants is a general custom, but the rules of the house govern it.

Theatres provide rooms for it, hence it should be limited to them.

There should be no smoking at afternoon entertainments, unless the men are requested to do so by the host and hostess.

At balls a room for smoking is generally provided. Smoking is not in good taste if a man is going to dance, as the odor of tobacco clings to the clothing. There should be no smoking in the dressing-rooms.

Smoking a pipe in the street is becoming more common. It is poor taste, however, on a fashionable street. At best, any smoking in the street is bad form.

Expectorating on the pavement is a most reprehensible habit. If it must be done, a man should step to the curb and expectorate in the street.

DANCES. Smoking should not be allowed in the dressing-room, but a special room should be provided. Men who dance should not smoke until leaving the house.

IN PRESENCE OF WOMEN. Smoking in the

street while walking with a woman should never be indulged in, although she seemingly is agreeable to it. If a man is smoking, and he stops to speak to a woman, he should throw away his cigar or cigarette.

A man should not smoke in the presence of women unless bidden by them to do so.

Few women care to say that it is disagreeable when asked, hence the better course is to await permission.

WOMEN. If a woman has true regard for herself, she should not indulge in smoking; if she does, it should be in absolute privacy.

SON.

BALLS. A son should do all in his power to make the ball a success by finding partners for the women having none, seeing that the men are introduced to the women, and taking in to supper a woman without an escort.

CARDS. When a mother is calling, she can leave cards of her son for the host and hostess if it is impossible for him to do so himself.

A son entering society can have his cards left by his mother for a host and hostess.

Invitations to entertainments will follow.

SON (YOUNGER) OF DUKE-HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: My Lord, and ends: I have the honor to remain your Lordship’s obedient servant.

The address on the envelope is: To the Right Honorable the Lord John J. Kent.

A social letter begins: My dear Lord John J. Kent, and ends: Believe me, my dear Lord John, faithfully yours.

The address is: To the Lord John J. Kent.

SON (YOUNGER) OF EARL-HOW ADDRESSED, An official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have the honor to remain your obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Mr. Wilson, and ends: Believe me, dear Mr. Wilson, sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: To the Honorable John Wilson.

SON (YOUNGER) OF MARQUIS—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: My Lord, and ends: I have the honor to remain your Lordship’s obedient servant.

The address on the envelope is: To the Right Honorable the Lord John J. Kent.

A social letter begins: My dear Lord John J. Kent, and ends: Believe me, my dear Lord Kent, faithfully yours.

The address is: To the Lord John J. Kent, SON (YOUNGER) OF VISCOUNT-HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have the honor to remain your obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Mr. Wilson, and ends: Believe me, dear Mr. Wilson, sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: To the Honorable John Wilson.

SOUP should be taken from the side of the spoon without noise and without the plate being tipped. Men with mustaches are privileged in this respect, and may take the soup from the end of the spoon.

SOUVENIRS.

BRIDESMAIDS. These are given by the bride to her bridesmaids a few days before the wedding, and take the form of fans or jewelry of some kind that may be worn at the wedding.

A good time to present them is when the bride gives a farewell dinner or luncheon to her bridesmaids.

Failing this, they may be sent a few days before the wedding.

The souvenirs should, of course, be all the same in value and in style.

USHERS. The souvenirs given by the groom to the ushers usually take the form of scarf-pins or cuff-buttons. Sometimes the groom also gives the ushers neckties and gloves.

A good time for their distribution is at the farewell bachelor dinner.

SPONSORS. Only relatives and near friends should be asked to act as sponsors at a christening.

Two women and one man are asked as sponsors for a girl, and one woman and two men for a boy, though one man and one woman are sufficient in either case.

These may be invited by note or personal call to act as sponsors, and should answer by note or personal call.

A few days before the ceremony the sponsor should send a christening gift addressed to the child, and the giver’s card, with a suitable sentiment written on it, should be sent with the gift.

A man may give some article of silver, and, if a wealthy relative, a bank-book for money deposited in the child’s name.

A woman may present the child with a garment, a carriage, a cradle, or some similar article.

It is in good taste for the sponsors to call immediately on the parents, to send flowers to the mother, and to show that they are pleased with the compliment.

The godfather at the ceremony assents to the vows, and later, at the drinking of the wine, should propose both the health of the child and that of its mother.

SPOON. The spoon should never be in the cup while drinking, but should be left in the saucer.

It is used in eating grapefruit, fruit salads, small and large fruit (when served with cream), puddings, jellies, porridges, preserves, and boiled eggs.

SR, The letters SR. (abbreviation for Senior) are sometimes added to a woman’s name on her card when her son has the same name as his father, and it is necessary to distinguish between the cards of the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law.

If both become widows, and yet wish to retain their husbands’ Christian names, the daughter-in-law would add Jr. on her cards.

STAG PARTIES. A party composed of men exclusively is sometimes so designated. They are usually informal in character, but may be as elaborate in detail as desired.

DRESS. The Tuxedo coat and black tie is worn, unless at a formal stag party, when evening dress is appropriate.

STATE, SECRETARY OF-HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have, sir, the honor to remain your most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: My dear Mr. Wilson, and ends: I have the honor to remain most sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: Hon. John J. Wilson, Secretary of State.

STATIONERY.

MEN. The variations from plainness and quietness in the use of stationery that are permitted women are denied to men. Their

paper is never perfumed, and all fancy styles are in poor taste.

For his social correspondence a man should use white or gray linen or bank-note unruled paper, folding once in the envelope.

He may, of course, use for social correspondence his club stationery.

Under no circumstances should he use his business stationery for social correspondence.

WOMEN. Unruled plain white or gray paper, that folds once in the envelope, and black ink, are the standard materials for social correspondence.

While it is permissible to use some of the latest fancy stationery, care should be taken that it is quiet in taste, and that all merely temporary variations are avoided.

While it is better not to use perfumed paper, if any perfume is used it should be extremely delicate.

Elderly women are apt to favor Irish linen or similar stationery.

STRANGERS-INVITATIONS TO A BALL ASKED FOR BY FRIENDS.

See BALLS-INVITATIONS ASKED FOR STRANGERS.

STREET-CARS AND OTHER CONVEYANCES.

MEN. The old custom of a man giving up his seat in a street-car to a woman is being gradually done away with. This is due largely to the fact that women are now so extensively engaged in commercial business that they are constant riders at the busy hours, end thus come into direct competition with men.

A well-bred man, however, will show his manliness by giving any woman his seat and standing himself, as she is less fitted for such hardships and annoyances. A man should always give his seat to an elderly woman, one accompanied with children, or one apparently weak and sickly. In giving his seat to a woman, a man should politely bow and raise his hat.

It is good form for a man to assist a woman getting on or off a car. If a man is accompanied by a woman when she leaves the car, he should help her off the car.

A man should always be polite and courteous toward a conductor, as the latter’s position is a hard and trying one.

A man should never cross his legs or keep his feet extended in the passageway.

If a man finds it necessary to crowd into a car already full, he should do so with consideration and politeness, and with an apology for pressing against any one. It is better to stand than to crowd yourself into a small space between those who are seated.

EXPENSES. A man