The Book of Good Manners by W. C. Green (brene brown rising strong .txt) 📖

enclose card.

If the party called upon is not at home, the letter or card should not be left, but sent by mail or messenger.

The one giving another a letter of introduction may write to the friend explaining why it is done, who and what the party is.

If a man sends a letter of introduction to a woman, she should acknowledge it, and, if she wishes, invite him to call.

PARTY RECEIVING—WOMEN. The party receiving cards of introduction should call in person upon woman introduced; if unable to do so, a letter should be sent, stating reasons of inability to be present. A member of the family may make the call instead. It should be done within three days.

If not agreeable to receive party for any reason, a card may be sent or left. No personal visit need be made.

INVALID’S CALLS. A woman unable to call from sickness may have her calls made for her by her sister, or daughter, or some female relative.

INVITATIONS. Care should be exercised in inviting new acquaintances to breakfast, luncheon, or dinner, unless there are some particular reasons why they will be especially agreeable to those invited.

All invitations should be sent by mail.

Verbal invitations should be avoided as much as possible, and if a verbal one is given, it should be followed immediately by one in writing.

ACCEPTING OR DECLINING. Invitations to all entertainments, when answers are expected, should be acknowledged by a written letter of acceptance or regret. The answer should be sent to the person or committee issuing the invitation.

Invitations to dinners, musicales, weddings, and breakfasts should be answered at once, and those to balls, dances, and receptions within one week.

Invitations to ordinary “At Homes,” teas, or weddings, which do not include invitations to the wedding breakfast or reception, need no acknowledgment.

The invitations sent to a family—as, mother, or daughter, or several daughters—

may be answered by one person for all. But invitations sent to the men of the family should be answered by each man.

When it is found necessary to decline after accepting an invitation, a card should be sent the evening of the entertainment with an explanatory letter the day following.

BALLS. Invitations to balls or assemblies should be answered immediately, and if declined the ticket should be returned.

DANCING. While a woman may accept or decline any invitation to dance, it is considered a discourteous act to refuse one man and to accept thereafter from another an invitation to the same dance.

WEDDINGS. Such invitations should be answered at once, except when the invitation does not include an invitation to the wedding reception or breakfast, in which case no answer is needed.

ADDRESSING. When invitations are sent to a husband and wife and daughter, only one envelope is needed, the daughter’s name appearing under her parents. Separate envelopes should be addressed to two daughters—as, Misses Wilson.

Separate envelopes should be addressed to each son.

MEN. If an invitation is sent to a man, he should answer it himself; but if sent to a man and wife, the latter may answer for both.

TO CALL WITH CHAPERONE’S PERMISSION. If permission is asked, and if agreeable, a chaperone should invite a man to call upon her and her protege.

Every effort should be made to call at the specified time.

TO CALL ON WOMEN. If a woman invites a man to call without specifying the time, it is equivalent to no invitation at all.

TO CALL ON WOMEN THROUGH LETTERS OF

INTRODUCTION. If a man having a letter of introduction sends the same by mail to a woman, it should be acknowledged by a written invitation to call. If the person receiving the letter does not care to receive the party, a card is sent which ends the matter.

R. S. V. P. The use of these letters—standing for “Repondez, s’il vous plait” (Answer, if you please)—is decreasing. All invitations bearing these letters should be answered at once.

These may be used on invitations to ceremonious receptions, breakfasts, luncheons, dinners, and to meet a prominent person.

WIFE. When a husband and wife are invited to a dinner, and the former does not accept, the wife should also decline and give her reasons. The hostess can then invite the wife only, who may accept.

WOMEN. A young woman receiving an invitation to a man’s supper, tea, or dinner, may accept, if she has the consent of her mother or chaperone, and is assured that a chaperone will be present.

WOMEN—THEATRE. Women receiving an invitation from a man for the theatre should have the consent of mother or chaperone, and when they accept, may, with propriety, request their escort not to provide a carriage unless full dress on their part is requested.

AFTERNOON TEAS. See AFTERNOON TEAS—INVITATIONS.

AFTERNOON TEAS (FORMAL)—INVITATIONS.

AT HOMES.

See AT HOMES—INVITATIONS.

BACHELORS’ DINNERS.

See BACHELORS’ DINNERS—INVITATIONS.

BACHELORS’ TEAS.

See BACHELORS’ TEAS—INVITATIONS.

BALLS.

See BALLS—INVITATIONS.

BREAKFASTS.

See BREAKFASTS—INVITATIONS.

BRIDE.

See BRIDE—INVITATIONS.

CHRISTENINGS.

See CHRISTENINGS—INVITATIONS.

COTILLIONS.

See COTILLIONS—INVITATIONS.

See COTILLIONS BY SUBSCRIPTIONS—INVITATIONS.

MUSICALES.

See MUSICALES—INVITATIONS.

PALL-BEARERS.

See PALL-BEARERS—INVITATIONS.

PARTIES.

See PARTIES—INVITATIONS.

TELEPHONE.

See TELEPHONE INVITATIONS.

THEATRE.

See THEATRE AND OPERA PARTIES

GIVEN BY MEN—INVITATIONS.

VERBAL.

See VERBAL INVITATIONS.

IVORY WEDDING. This is the thirtieth wedding anniversary, and is not usually celebrated. If, however, it is done, the invitations may bear the words: NO PRESENTS RECEIVED, and in accepting or declining the invitation congratulations may be extended. Any article of ivory is appropriate as a gift. An entertainment is usually provided.

JEWELRY—MEN. Jewelry, except the very plainest, should not be worn, and in general the less the better. A display of diamonds and fancy jewelry betrays the poor taste of the wearer.

A man wearing the pins and badges of secret societies should see that they are small and unobtrusive, for in jewelry, as in all matters of dress, quality rather than quantity is to be desired.

JR. When the son is named after the father, he adds Jr. to his name. Upon the death of the father he omits it. This abbreviation is sometimes added to a woman’s name on her card when her husband has the same name as his father, and it is necessary to distinguish between the cards of the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law.

If the mother-in-law should become a widow and wish to retain the husband’s baptismal name, she should add Sr., while her daughter would erase Jr.

If both become widows, and wish to retain their husband’s Christian names, the daughter-in-law should add Jr.

JUSTICE OF THE UNITED STATES SUPREME COURT—HOW

ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have, sir, the honor to remain your most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Justice Wilson, and ends: Believe me, most sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: Mr. Justice John J. Wilson.

KING OF ENGLAND—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Sir, may it please your Majesty, and ends: I have the honor to remain your Majesty’s most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Sir, and ends: I have the honor to remain your Majesty’s most obedient servant.

The address on the envelope is: To His Most Gracious Majesty, King Edward.

KISS, WEDDING. The kiss in the wedding ceremony is being done away with, especially at church weddings. Only the bride’s parents and her most intimate friends should kiss her, and for others to do so is no longer good form.

KNIFE AND FORK. The knife is always held in the right hand, and is only used for cutting the food. The fork is used not only in eating fish, meat, vegetables, and made dishes, but also ices, frozen puddings, melons, salads, oysters, clams, lobsters, and terrapin.

The knife should never be used to carry food to the mouth.

See also SPOON.

KNIGHT—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have the honor to remain, sir, your obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Sir John Wilson, and ends: Believe me, dear Sir John, faithfully yours.

The address on the envelope is: To Sir John Wilson.

WIFE OF. See Wife of Knight.

LAUNDRESS—TIPS. Guests at the end of a house party do not tip the laundress unless she has done special work for them.

LEATHER WEDDING. This is the twelfth anniversary of the weddingday, and is not usually observed.

If, however, it is observed, the invitations may bear the words: No presents

received, and congratulations may be extended in its acceptance or declination. Any article of leather would be an appropriate gift. An entertainment usually follows.

LETTERS.

ADDRESSING.

See ADDRESSING AND SIGNING LETTERS, and also under title of person addressed —as, GOVERNOR, MAYOR, etc.

WRITTEN AFTER HOUSE PARTIES. If the visit has been more than two days in length, a guest should write to the hostess a short letter, telling of his pleasant visit and safe journey home.

CONCLUSION OF. See CONCLUSION OF A LETTER.

OF CONDOLENCE. See CONDOLENCE, LETTERS OF.

OF INTRODUCTION. See INTRODUCTION, LETTERS OF.

LETTUCE leaves should not be cut, but folded up with a fork, and then lifted to the mouth. In the event of these being too large for this treatment, they should be broken into suitable pieces with the fork.

LICENSE, MARRIAGE. A license, when required by State law, should be obtained by the groom and handed to the officiating clergyman the day before the ceremony. Usually a small fee is charged, and the details, when entered upon the clerk’s records, are open to public inspection.

The day need not be named, and until the marriage is solemnized the license has no binding effect.

LUNCHEONS. Usually only women are invited to these entertainments. Oddities, such as pink, blue, and yellow luncheons, are not in good taste. They should be as simple as possible.

Informal luncheons are the same as informal breakfasts. A more formal luncheon is proper when introducing a special guest.

Small tables are used, and diagrams of their arrangement are placed in the dressing-room, designating the places of the guests.

CALLS. Calls should be made a week after entertainment.

WOMEN. Women dress in visiting toilettes and wear their bonnets, laying aside their wraps in the dressing-room. Gloves should be removed at table.

After coffee, the guests should take their leave, making some gracious remark to the hostess.

Calls should be made a week after the entertainment.

GIVEN BY BACHELORS. See Bachelors’ Luncheons.

GUESTS. Only women, as a rule, attend luncheons.

For further details, see LUNCHEONS—WOMEN.

HOSTESS. Introductions take place in the parlor.

At the appointed hour the hostess leads the way to the drawing-room, followed by the guests.

The hostess and principal guest should sit at one of the centre-tables. Between the courses the hostess and two of the women seated with her rise and change seats with others. This may be done by others also if they desire. They take their napkins with them.

HOURS. The hour is from 1 to 2 P.M.

INTRODUCTIONS. Introductions take place in the parlor.

INVITATIONS. Cards are engraved, and sent two weeks in advance.

MEN—LEAVING CARDS. If men are invited, they should, after a luncheon, leave a card for host and hostess, whether the invitation was accepted or not; or it may be sent by mail or messenger, with an apology for so doing.

MAIDS—TIPS. It is customary for guests leaving after a visit at a private house to remember the maid who has taken care of the room by giving her a reasonable tip. A woman should give more for extra attention.

MAID OF HONOR. This important person is selected by the bride, and acts for her in all details, being virtually mistress of ceremonies and filling a position requiring administrative ability and tact. She acts in the same capacity as the best man does for the groom.

She is invited, of course, to the dinner given by the bride to the bridesmaids.

She fulfils whatever duties the bride has been unable, from press of time, to attend to —as, making calls, etc.