The Book of Good Manners by W. C. Green (brene brown rising strong .txt) 📖

worn for three months; this does not necessitate crape and veil, but any black material can be used.

WOMEN, FOR CHILDREN. For a child, mourning is usually worn for six months, thereafter substituting black and white.

FOR BROTHER AND SISTER, ETC. Mourning for a brother or sister, step-parents, or grandparents is the same as for parents, but the time is shorter, generally about six months.

For an aunt, uncle, or cousin the time is three months.

FOR FIANCE. In the event of the death of a woman’s betrothed shortly before the date of the wedding, she may wear black for a short period or full mourning for a year.

FOR HUSBANDS. Mourning cards are sent out, to indicate that they are not making or receiving calls.

Mourning is generally worn for two years, and sometimes much longer. Woolen material of the deepest black and crape should be worn during the first year.

When out-of-doors a crape veil should be worn for a year, or at least three months, covering the face, or, if preferred, the veil may be thrown over the shoulder, and a small one of tulle, or other suitable material, edged with crape, worn over the face.

A crape bonnet should be worn, and a very small white ruche may be added if desired.

After the first year a gradual change to lighter mourning may be made by discarding the widow’s cap and shortening the veil.

Dull silks are used in place of crape, according to taste. In warm weather lighter materials can be worn—as, pique, nun’s veiling, or white lawn.

Black furs and sealskin may be worn.

Precious stones, such as diamonds and pearls, may be used if mounted in black enamel.

Gold jewelry should not be used. A woman should avoid all pretensions to excessive styles.

FOR HUSBAND’S RELATIVES. A married woman wears mourning for her husband’s immediate relatives.

FOR PARENTS AND GRANDCHILDREN. Mourning for these persons is generally worn for one year. During the first six months, black material trimmed with crape is used, and also a deep veil, which is thrown over the back of the head and not worn over the face, as for a husband. After this period the mourning may be lightened, according to taste.

See also DEATH IN THE FAMILY. FUNERALS.

MR. AND MRS. CARDS ( VISITING). These cards are not generally used for ceremonious calls after the first series of return calls made by the bride.

If the husband is unable, the first year after marriage, to make formal calls, his wife uses the Mr. and Mrs. cards, and such is accepted as a call from him. But after one year she should leave their separate cards.

These are used on formal occasions-as, returning a first call, condolence, congratulations, or P. P. C.—when both the husband and wife are represented.

When they are used the first year after marriage, they should have the address in right-hand corner and reception days in lower left-hand corner.

The card should read:

Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Wren Wilson

MUSIC.

WEDDINGS. The organist and the music are usually selected by the bride. Before her arrival, the organist plays some bright selection; but on her entering the church and passing up the aisle, he plays the wedding march.

AFTBRNOON TEAS (FORMAL). Music is always appropriate on these occasions.

MUSICALES.

DRESS. The rule would be that at an afternoon affair afternoon dress would be worn, and evening dress at an evening affair.

HOURS. For an afternoon musicale, the hours are usually from four to six. For an elaborate evening drawing-room concert, any hour may be selected.

INVITATIONS. These are sent out two weeks before the event. If entertainment is in the evening, they should be issued by husband and wife. If given in honor of a prominent person at any hour whatever, the cards should be engraved, and in either case the word Music should appear in the lower left-hand corner.

These should be acknowledged at once by a letter of acceptance or regret.

NAPKINS, when in use, are laid on the lap, and, when finished with, are not folded up unless one is a guest for a few days; on all other occasions they are left unfolded. A good plan is to follow the example of the hostess.

When fruit is brought on, a small fruit napkin is placed across the knee or held in the right hand, with which to hold the fruit, and when it is no longer needed, it should be laid beside the plate.

NAVY, SECRETARY OF—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have, sir, the honor to remain your most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: My dear Mr. Wilson, and ends: I have the honor to remain most sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: Hon. John J. Wilson, Secretary of the Navy.

NEW ACQUAINTANCES.

WOMEN. New acquaintances should not be invited to entertainments unless agreeable to all concerned.

An entertainment can be given to meet new acquaintances if there be some special reason for so doing.

Elderly persons and professional people can send their cards to younger persons if they wish to continue acquaintance.

NEWCOMERS.

BALL INVITATIONS. It is allowable for a newcomer wishing to give a ball to borrow the visiting list of some friend; but she should enclose in each invitation a calling card of this friend, so that the invited ones may know that the friend is acting as a sponsor.

DUTY OF. No effort should be made to obtain recognition of older residents.

Visits from neighbors should be returned within a week. If from any reason a newcomer is unable to call, a note stating the reason should be sent.

If visit of neighbor’s male relative is desired, a woman may send him a written or verbal invitation; but if visit is not desired, no notice is taken of his card, in the event of one having been left.

RESIDENTS’ DUTY TO MEN. When calling, kinswoman leaves cards of all the male members of family who are in society. If these cards left by kinswoman are not followed by an invitation to call, it is presumed that the acquaintance is not desired. Men can not call upon women of the family of new resident, unless invited to do so by either verbal or written message.

RESIDENTS’ DUTY TO WOMEN. The newcomer receives the first call from the older resident, which should be made within a reasonable time. Women making the first call, leave their own card and those of the male members of the family.

It is unnecessary to be introduced in the absence of letters of introduction. Visits should be of short duration.

OLIVES are eaten with the fingers.

OPERA. See THEATRE.

ORANGES, served in divided sections, sweetened, and the seeds removed, should be eaten with the fork. If served whole, cut into suitable portions. Remove seed and skin.

ORGANIST AT WEDDINGS. The organist is selected by the bride, but the fee is paid by the groom.

OVERCOAT—MEN CALLING ON WOMEN. When making a formal or brief call, the overcoat should be left in the hall.

P. P. C. CARDS (VISITING). These letters—standing for Pour prendre conge (To take leave)—are written in the lower left-hand corner of the visiting-card. These cards are used as a formal farewell to such friends and acquaintances whose friendship it is desired to continue.

They may be left in person, or sent upon departure from city or winter or summer resort. They are rarely used in brief visits, and should only be used at the close of a season.

Care should be exercised in sending them, as an oversight in so doing may cause the loss of good friends.

PAGES AT WEDDINGS. At the wedding, if pages are present, they are usually dressed in satin court costumes, and carry the bride’s train.

PALL-BEARERS. It is not good taste to ask relatives to be pall-bearers. The usual number is six to eight elderly men for elderly person, and of young men for a young man. Six young women in white would be a suitable number to act as pall-bearers for a young woman.

Pall-bearers should be asked either by note or by a representative of the head of the family of the deceased.

The pall-bearers assemble at the house at the appointed hour, and there take the carriages reserved for them. They disperse after the church service.

Except in the case of young women, carriages are not sent to bring pall-bearers to the house.

CALLS. After accepting an invitation to act as a pall-bearer, a man should call at the house of the bereaved and leave his card.

A few days after the funeral he should call again and leave his card. If he wishes, he may simply ask at the door after the women of the family.

DRESS. The pall-bearers wear black frock coat, trousers, and waistcoat, a black silk hat with a mourning band, black shoes, and black kid gloves. The linen should be white FLOWERS. Unless there has been a request not to send flowers, a pall-bearer may do so after his first call.

If he wishes, a few days after the funeral he may send flowers to the women of the family with his card, on which should be written: With the compliments of –—.

INVITATIONS. The invitation should be promptly accepted or declined, and if accepted only illness or unavoidable absence from the city would excuse a man from attending.

PAPER WEDDING. The first wedding anniversary is called the paper wedding, and is not usually celebrated. If, however, it is celebrated, the invitations may bear the words: No presents received. Congratulations should be extended in accepting or declining the invitations. Any article of paper would be an appropriate gift. An entertainment should follow.

PARTIES. These are less formal than balls.

They generally begin at nine or nine-thirty, with dancing at ten-thirty or eleven. The supper precedes the dancing. Those who do not take part in the dancing may leave before it begins.

INVITATIONS. These are engraved, giving hour for beginning in lower left-hand corner, and should be sent two weeks in advance. One envelope only need be used. They should be answered promptly.

PATRONESSES. It is customary for the management of any institution giving a public ball to formally invite six, eight, or more married women to act as patronesses, and for their names to appear on the invitations. If badges are worn, each patroness is sent one or given one at the ball-room.

The patronesses, after being welcomed at the ball by the management committees, take their places, ready to receive the guests.

The Committee of Arrangements should look after the patronesses, introduce distinguished guests to them, escort them to supper and finally to their carriages.

See also COTILLIONS BY SUBSCRIPTIONS—

PATRONESSES. DANCES.

PEACHES should be quartered and the quarters peeled, then taken up by the fingers and eaten.

PEAS are eaten with a fork.

PLUMS AND GRAPES should be eaten one by one, and the pits allowed to fall noiselessly into the half-closed hand and then transferred to the plate.

POSTAL CARDS. It is wise to restrict the use of postals to impersonal communications; but if they must be used, the message should be brief with an apology for its use. It is a good plan in addition to omit the usual My dear, and to sign with the initials only and the full surname.

POSTPONING DINNERS See CANCELING DINNERS.

POSTPONING WEDDINGS. See WEDDINGS—INVITATIONS

RECALLED.

PRECEDENCE.

DINNERS. See DINNERS—PRECEDENCE.

FUNERALS. See FUNERALS—PRECEDENCE.

THEATRE. See THEATRE—PRECEDENCE.

PRESENTS. See GIFTS.

PRESIDENT—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have the honor to remain your most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: My dear Mr.

President, and ends: I have the honor to remain most sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: President John Wilson.

PRINCE, ROYAL—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Sir, may it please your Royal Highness, and ends: I have the honor to remain, sir,