Remembering Altair by Rob Astor (ereader for textbooks .txt) 📖

for light at the end of this tunnel
While through this dream state I muddle
When everything in my world is wrong
I have to write another song

When do I stop crying a river of tears
When will I feel alive again
Nothing’s the same without you here
To what end am I destined

Sneaky sadness wells up from inside
I wear a different face to disguise
Bottled up feelings I try to hide
Swirling around within my mind
Carrying around so much hurt
All I can do is channel it into words
Because when everything in my world is wrong
I have to write another song


Escape Clause
July 20, 2010

Suffocating blackness
Turns into madness
Spiral of fear and sadness

Crush the life right out of your soul
Till you feel like there’s no place else you can go

Cheap little bottle of pills
Can do more for you than kicks and thrills
They’re the escape clause to kill the pain
And snuff out your fire again
But they’ll never answer the questions left buried deep inside
Or reveal the mystery behind those distant hazel eyes

Gotta learn to let it in
Gotta burn to be born again
From the ashes the phoenix rises
There’s nothing left to stop you
You got clear horizons

Nothing without flaw
Put your life on pause
Reconsider the escape clause

Let it right in, let it right in under your skin
Say the word and salvation is yours again

Cheap little bottle of pills
You know they won’t cure your inner ills
Just an escape clause to kill the pain
You gotta ignite your fire again
Because they’ll never answer the questions left buried deep inside
Or reveal your mystery behind your distant hazel eyes

Gotta learn to let it in
Gotta burn to be born again
From the ashes the phoenix rises
There’s nothing left to stop you
You got clear horizons

Fly to your new horizons, yeah
Fly to your new horizons
You know you gotta steal yourself against stormy weather
Nothing’s ever perfect ‘cause you know this ain’t Heaven


Angry Letter To God
September 9 - 10, 2010

I accuse you to your face
That I could put you in your place
Then all would be right by me
But you keep putting me down
And never let me turn around
What’s the game, this sick insanity

Why raise me up to make me fall
What pleasure do you get in destroying it all
I’ve learned to live on next to nothing
Am I supposed to forget you like you forgot me

This is my angry letter to God
Before I can salvage faith, I have to save myself
There’s a brick wall on every road I trod
Painful words etched into my brain, never any help
Pull myself up by my own bootstraps
If you really help those who help themselves
Enough with the backhanded slaps
I live good the best way I know how
A little divine intervention would go a long way right now

What about freedom of choice
Where’s my voice
Does it matter anyway
If we created you, when we forget, do you fade

The comforting hand does nothing but smite
But I can fight back with all my might
Writing these words about what I feel
Honesty I can put in a box, out of sight
Let them gather dust, never see the light
But they wouldn’t do any good and I’d never heal

Leave me alone if you don’t love me
I’m still a good person, let me be
Just back off and stay away
Stop killing me with constant hammering

This is my angry letter to God
Before I can salvage faith, I have to save myself
There’s a brick wall on every road I trod
Painful words etched into my brain, never any help
Pull myself up by my own bootstraps
If you really help those who help themselves
Enough with the backhanded slaps
I live good the best way I know how
A little divine intervention would go a long way right now

What about freedom of choice
Where’s my voice
Does it matter anyway
If we created you, when we forget, do you fade

I’m not sorry, this is how I feel
It might not be important to you, but it’s important to me
Give me enough time and I will heal
If you lived my life, maybe you would see

It took my angry letter to God to get positive results
That’s why I followed this profane impulse
Maybe it will be better now that I have your attention
Maybe the world would be better if everyone mentioned
And shared their feelings in letters to God
Even if the concept seems odd
Feelings of praise, the good, the bad, and the ugly
Things will change if only our words God would read


Summerland
July 18, 2010

Gotta go to bed
Tired of the pounding in my head
Won’t listen to those voices
Won’t loose my soul
Don’t wanna wind up dead

Let the world keep on turning
Keep the inner fires burning
Tomorrow will be better
Just have a little faith
Find a way to quench the inner yearning

Today’s just another day in Summerland
Walking along the beach, darlin’ take my hand
But today is not my day
I can’t sit on the sand
Too many stars left to write in the sky
There’s a few years left before I return to Summerland

The air is alive with vibrating blue
There’s a temple on a mountain for me and you
Swim together in forgetful water
Where the healing spring is warm
Where our souls fly to the center of the galaxy
Where Paradise is built on the shore of the sea

But today’s just another day in Summerland
Walking along the beach, darlin’ take my hand
Though today is not my day
I can’t sit on the sand
There’s too many stars left to write in the sky
There’s a few more years left before I come back to Summerland
A few more years left before I come back to Summerland
Back to Summerland

Face in the shadows
A long black tunnel to the midnight meadow
They whisper in my ear
The Morpheus gate
Broken dreams leave me hallow

But, let the world keep on turning
Keep the inner fires burning
Tomorrow will be better
Just have a little faith
Find a way to quench the inner yearning
Just have a little faith
Find a way to quench the inner yearning
Quench the inner yearning

Today’s just another day in Summerland
Walking along the beach, darlin’ take my hand
But today is not my day
I can’t sit on the sand
Too many stars left to write in the sky
There’s a few years left before I return to Summerland

The air is alive with vibrating blue
There’s a temple on a mountain for me and you
Swim together in forgetful water
Where the healing spring is warm
Where our souls fly to the center of the galaxy
Where Paradise is built on the shore of the sea

But today’s just another day in Summerland
Walking along the beach, darlin’ take my hand
Though today is not my day
I can’t sit on the sand
There’s too many stars left to write in the sky
There’s a few more years left before I come back to Summerland
A few more years left before I come back to Summerland
Back to Summerland


Not Qualified
July 17, 2010

Ha, ha
Meeting in person
That was fifty terabytes ago
Don’t want to see ya
Don’t recognize ya
Your face we don’t know
Can’t talk to ya
My other line’s rining
Gotta answer the phone
Mainframe kicked ya out
The computer shut down
Don’t bother us no more

Maybe if you had a pocket full of money
If you were a clean cut clone of the Debbies
Can’t do a thing for ya, honey
Be sure to eat at the buffet
‘Cause you’re

Not qualified
You need a degree to count to ten
You’re not qualified
You know that’s what they said
You’re not qualified
Better stamp it right here on my forehead
You’re not qualified
Might as well climb back into bed
I’m not qualified
Yeah, that’s what they said

Hey, hey
Saw you here for years
Tolerate associates so slow
You’re better for the position
Check the website on-line
Our program says yes or no
Executive benefits salary
Or flush you down the pipes
Either way, go with the flow
Stand in your line
And get your food stamps, baby
You got nowhere to go

Maybe if you had a pocket full of money
If you were a clean cut clone of the Debbies
Can’t do a thing for ya, honey
Be sure to eat at the buffet
‘Cause you’re

Not qualified
You need a degree to count to ten
You’re not qualified
You know that’s what they said
You’re not qualified
Better stamp it right here on my forehead
You’re not qualified
Might as well climb back into bed
I’m not qualified
Yeah, that’s what they said

Stamp it on my forehead
I need a degree to count to ten
Really, to count to ten
Will the madness never end
Unplug the mainframe
I’m going microchip insane
We’re not gonna hire you today
That’s what they said
But we’ll take your money
Be sure to eat at the buffet


Infinite Loop
July 19 - 20, 2010

So let me get this straight
You want me to go down roads I’ve gone down before
You want me to go knockin’ on all the same old doors
Repeat
Knock on all the same old doors
Repeat
Knock on all the same old doors
Repeat that back to me
How is that helping

Don’t tell me to go down roads I’ve gone down before
Haven’t got the gas
Don’t tell me to knock on all the same old doors
Been there, done that

It’s just an infinite loop
It’s not good for me
It’s not good for you
It’s just an infinite loop
Time to try something new
Besides jumping through hoops
It’s just an infinite loop
And I can’t get by it
It’s just and infinite loop
Infinite loop, infinite loop, infinite loop
Tell me please
Does it ever get easy

Now hold on just a second
You want me to pick up the phone and call those numbers again
The past is the past, why do I have to revisit where I’ve been
Repeat
Revisit where I’ve been
Repeat
Revisit where I’ve been
Play that back for me
It’s just insane

Don’t tell me to go down roads I’ve gone down before
Haven’t got the gas
Don’t tell me to knock on all the same old doors
Been there, done that

It’s just an infinite loop
It’s not good for me
It’s not good for you
It’s just an infinite loop
Time to try something new
Besides jumping through hoops
It’s just an infinite loop
And I can’t get by it
It’s just and infinite loop
Infinite loop, infinite loop, infinite loop
Tell me please
Does it ever get easy

Feels like I’m playing against a stacked deck
And I don’t have a prayer in hell to win this bet
The simple things are too much for me
It’s always never ending adversity

I’m loosing it in infinite loops

Watching my life drift by on the wind
Cycle, repeat, get dirty, wash, and spin

I’m loosing it

Sell a piece here
Trade a piece there
Until there’s nothing