Hooking Up : Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus Kathleen Bogle (general ebook reader .txt) 📖

stay that way for long. For example, a group of young women may prepare for an evening out (i.e., get dressed, put on makeup, etc.), and then go to a campus party together.10

However, once they arrive, they find college men there and mixed-gender interactions begin. At the end of the night many individuals at the 30

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social event pair off with someone of the opposite sex to hook up.

Kevin, a senior at Faith University said: KB: We were talking about the hookup scene and I’m trying to get a couple details about it. So would you hook up every weekend?

Kevin: Not every weekend . . . it wasn’t like the weekend was over if you didn’t go out and hook up. I would go out to have fun and if I hooked up—bonus.

KB: Bonus? [Laughing]

Kevin: It was a nice way to close the night.

One of the most difficult things to get college students to explain is how hooking up happens.11 For many, hooking up was such a normal and taken-for-granted part of their social lives that it was difficult to get them to step back and explain how such an event develops. When I asked students to explain how someone would end up hooking up with someone with whom they had no prior sexual interaction, they would often answer by saying “alcohol” or “I don’t know, it just happens.” For example, Jack, a sophomore at Faith University said: KB: Just take me through a typical scenario of how it [hooking up] works if you were trying to explain it to someone . . . who doesn’t know how it works yet.

Jack: I really can’t explain it because to this day I don’t understand it.

Despite their initial vague answers, when probed with follow-up questions students eventually explained how hooking up happens. The first step is identifying a hookup partner. The person one hooks up with may or may not be someone known prior to the night of the first hookup. In some cases, the two parties were friends first. In others, they were acquaintances and had “seen each other around” or taken a class together. Under these circumstances the man and woman may have spent some time flirting or showing sexual interest prior to the night of the hookup. In still other cases, the hookup was what many students referred to as “random” (i.e., there was no connection to the other person before the night of the first hookup). However, in cases where the two parties were total strangers, there was often a friend or acquaintance T H E H O O K U P

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who was able to provide an introduction.12 Lisa, a sophomore at State University, was one of the many students who agreed that hooking up could happen under any of the above circumstances and no one scenario loomed larger than the others.

KB: Would you say, typically with hooking up, that the people usually know each other or would you say that hooking up usually is someone you just met at a party?

Lisa: Umm, I guess it could go either way really. But, that’s hard.

I guess it would probably usually be someone they know. I mean, it does happen with someone you just met, but I think usually . . . it would be someone you’re friends with or you met a few times in your class, you know what I mean, someone who you . . .

KB: Have some idea who they are?

Lisa: Yeah, yeah.

KB: Do students generally hook up with the same person repeatedly or would it be more one and done, once you’ve hooked up with someone that’s it?

Lisa: I think it just depends on who the person is.

KB: Well, among your friends, which is more likely?

Lisa: Sometimes people have a crush on a guy so they’ll just keep doing whatever [sexually] with that guy, but you know they won’t ever end up with anything [relationship-wise]. The girl who just wants to randomly have sex, she just hooks up with whoever, whenever she feels like it [laughs]. But, it’s not necessarily all one and done situations, you know what I mean? If they have feelings for that person or some sort of something, it will happen again. I guess if they hook up and then they’re like: “Uh, I don’t really like him at all,” then that will be it [they won’t hook up again].

Regardless of how the two parties know each other, there has to be some way to get from having never been sexual with someone to becoming sexually intimate. Two issues must be considered here. One is: How does someone select a potential hookup partner? The other is: Once a potential partner is identified, what needs to occur to facilitate the first sexually intimate encounter? With regard to the first issue, attraction is the central issue. Students across the board seemed to favor 32

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the idea that initial attraction is the trigger to a potential hookup that evening.13

On the college campus, a number of qualities make someone attractive to potential hookup partners. First are one’s looks. A striking physical appearance seemed to be the most valued quality a woman could possess. Jack, a sophomore at Faith University, discussed how physical appearance affects how women interact with men in potential hookup situations.

Jack: It all depends on who the girl is. Those girls that think they’re so much better looking than everyone else, they’re going to wait for the guy to come up to them, they’re not going out of their way. I don’t know, I guess they see it as a disgrace to themselves. And girls who know that they’re good looking, but also know what they want, . . . they’re going to go up and talk to you and they’re going to be the ones who are worthwhile to talk to.

KB: So, looks are a big factor for girls in who has status and who doesn’t and it