Hooking Up : Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus Kathleen Bogle (general ebook reader .txt) 📖

Jack: Well, talking amongst my friends, we decided that girls travel in three’s: there’s the hot one, there’s the fat one, and there’s the one that’s just there. It’s always true, without fail.

College women, such as Lee, a freshman at Faith University, also recognized the importance of men’s physical appearance in choosing potential hookup partners.

Lee: Looks have a lot to do with it in the whole hooking up thing.

You see someone that is really good looking, you are going to hook up with [him] regardless of if [he has] anything nice to say, especially if you are drinking. I think that is the primary concern, even if [he is] an asshole . . . if [he is] good looking, a girl will still hook up with [him].

Another valued quality among men, at both campuses, was fraternity or athletic team membership. At State University, fraternity membership was a particularly valued attribute for males. Kyle, a senior at State, suggests that fraternity men have more opportunities for sexual T H E H O O K U P

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encounters with women: “I think a lot of guys are sex driven and it just manifests itself more prominently in fraternity men because of their stature on campus.” The idea of fraternity men being the “big men on campus” has a long history in the United States, dating as far back as the 1920s.14 More recently, sociologists Patricia Yancey Martin and Robert Hummer examined the fraternity selection process at a large state university in the 1980s. They found that the pledging process ensured that the most “macho” men would become brothers. Men who were less athletic, less likely to drink alcohol, and less inclined to have a conquest mentality toward sex, were more likely to drop out during the pledging process (or perhaps never attempt to pledge in the first place).15

For women, neither sorority membership nor athletic team participation seemed important. Thus, for women, physical appearance plays a more central role in attracting the opposite sex than it does for men.

Similarly, anthropologists Dorothy Holland and Margaret Eisenhart found, in their study of two southern universities in the early 1980s, that a woman’s status on campus was determined almost exclusively by her perceived level of physical attractiveness among men. Men’s status, on the other hand, derived from many different sources (e.g., fraternity membership, athletic status, academic major, intellectual ability).

Therefore, college men were valued for many attributes, while women had to rely solely on their looks.

Once a desirable partner is identified, it is necessary to find out if the feeling is mutual. Ascertaining whether someone is interested in a sexual encounter is an important aspect of the hookup script. Students indicated that this is done indirectly, without actually asking whether the other person is interested in becoming sexually intimate. Rather, nonverbal cues indicate potential sexual interest.16 In this regard, students said that eye contact was important, as was any form of paying particular attention to the person of interest. Special attention could be paid through having a one-on-one conversation with someone for a significant period of time or “hanging out” with a particular person for a considerable portion of the evening. On the other hand, lack of eye contact, looking around the room while someone was talking, or moving on to mingle with others were deemed obvious indicators of lack of interest in hooking up. Kevin, a senior at Faith University, believed he had a particular talent for assessing whether a girl was interested in hooking up.

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T H E H O O K U P

Kevin: Like I always say, I know in the first 30 seconds whether or not I’m going to hook up with a girl. The first time I talk to

[her].

KB: You know?

Kevin: I know.

KB: How do you know?

Kevin: I know just because I can sense it, the vibe, just them. The way they are, the way they talk, the way they engage in the conversation, are they into me or are they not into me? I can pick it up in 30 seconds. I can look at my friends and say:

“Guys, this is no good” and we can move on to other girls.

KB: You can tell [if a girl is interested] even for them?

Kevin: Yeah. I can say: “Tommy, this girl wants you. You stay, I am moving on.” You know what I mean, I can tell in 30 seconds

. . . pick up on the vibe of them. Are they eager to hang out?

If they want to hang out . . . you are going to have a good time tonight, you are going to party with them and maybe you’re going to hook up. But if they are hesitant and they are on guard about you then forget it, move on.

KB: Define “on guard.” What are they doing that lets you know that they don’t like you?

Kevin: Umm. Not making eye contact. They’re kind of still looking around while you are talking to them—they are not interested. They are absolutely positively not interested. They are

. . . not asking you questions back if you are asking questions

. . . 30 seconds you can tell.

Although not all students claimed Kevin’s talent for quickly recognizing whether a hookup was possible, both men and women indicated that the stages leading to hooking up involved a series of nonverbal cues.

The majority of students agreed with Kevin that eye contact and a certain

“vibe” are key components of discerning interest in hooking up. Students also mentioned overall body language, “joking around,” and “flirting” with someone in order to indicate interest in a potential hookup.17

Where to Go

Once it is determined that the right vibe is there, the two parties have to figure out where to hook up. Again, they must figure this out T H E H O O K U P

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without actually verbalizing that they are planning to hook up. One of the factors that seemed to determine the location of the hookup was how much sexual interaction was going to take place. Many