Manners and Social Usages by Mrs John M. E. W. Sherwood (great book club books TXT) 📖

cards on

being invited to a wedding. Some ask: “Shall I send them to the

bride, as I do not know her mother?” Certainly not; send them to

whomsoever invites you. Afterwards call on the bride or send her

cards, but the first and important card goes to the lady who gives

the wedding.

 

The order of the religious part of the ceremony is fixed by the

church in which it occurs. The groom must call on the rector or

clergyman, see the organist, and make what arrangements the bride

pleases, but, we repeat, all expenses, excepting the fee to the

clergyman, are borne by the bride’s family.

 

The sexton should see to it that the white ribbon is stretched

across the aisle, that the awning and carpet are in place, and it

would be well if the police regulations could extend to the group

of idlers who crowd around the church door, to the great

inconvenience of the guests.

 

A wedding invitation requires no answer, unless it be to a

sit-down wedding breakfast. Cards left afterwards are

all-sufficient. The separate cards of the bride and groom are no

longer included in the invitation. Nothing black in the way of

dress but the gentlemen’s coats is admissible at a wedding.

 

CHAPTER X.

WEDDINGS AFTER EASTER.

 

We may expect a great deal of color in the coming bridal

trousseau, beginning at the altar. The bridesmaids have thus lost

one chance of distinguishing themselves by a different and a

colored dress. But although some eccentric brides may choose to be

married in pink, we cannot but believe, from the beautiful dresses

which we have seen, that the greater number will continue to be

wedded in white; therefore dressmakers need not turn pale.

 

And all our brides may rejoice that they are not French brides. It

is very troublesome to be married in France, especially if one of

the high contracting parties be a foreigner. A certificate of

baptism is required, together with that of the marriage of the

father and mother, and a written consent of the grandfather and

grandmother, if either is alive and the parents dead. The names of

the parties are then put up on the door of the mairie, or

mayor’s office, for eleven days.

 

In England there are four ways of getting married. The first is by

special license, which enables two people to be married at any

time and at any place; but this is very expensive, costing fifty

pounds, and is only obtainable through an archbishop. Then there

is the ordinary license, which can be procured either at Doctors’

Commons or through a clergyman, who must also be a surrogate, and

resident in the diocese where the marriage is to take place; both

parties must swear that they are of age, or, if minors, that they

have the consent of their parents. But to be married by banns is

considered the most orthodox as well as the most economical way of

proceeding. The banns must be published in the church of the

parish in which the lady lives for three consecutive Sundays prior

to the marriage, also the same law holds good for the gentleman,

and the parties must have resided fifteen days in the parish. Or

the knot may be tied at a licensed chapel, or at the office of a

registrar, notice being given three weeks previously.

 

We merely quote these safeguards against imprudent marriages to

show our brides how free they are. And perhaps, as we sometimes

find, they are too free; there is danger that there may be too

much ease in tying the knot that so many wish untied later,

judging from the frequency of divorce.

 

However, we will not throw a damper on that occasion which for

whirl and bustle and gayety and excitement is not equalled by any

other day in a person’s life. The city wedding in New York is

marked first by the arrival of the caterer, who comes to spread

the wedding breakfast; and later on by the florist, who appears to

decorate the rooms, to hang the floral bell, or to spread the

floral umbrella, or to build a grotto of flowers in the bow-window

where the happy couple shall stand. Some of the latest freaks in

floral fashion cause a bower of tall-growing ferns to be

constructed, the ferns meeting over the bridal pair. This is, of

course, supposing that the wedding takes place at home. Then

another construction is a house entirely of roses, large enough to

hold the bride and bridegroom. This is first built of bamboo or

light wood, then covered thick with roses, and is very beautiful

and almost too fragrant. If some one had not suggested

“bathing-house,” as he looked at this floral door to matrimony, it

would have been perfect. It also looks a little like a

confessional. Perhaps a freer sweep is better for both bride and

groom. There should not be a close atmosphere, or too many

overfragrant flowers; for at a home wedding, however well the

arrangements have been anticipated, there is always a little time

spent in waiting for the bride, a few presents arrive late, and

there is always a slight confusion, so that the mamma is apt to be

nervous and flushed, and the bride agitated.

 

A church wedding involves a great deal more trouble with carriages

for the bridesmaids and for the family, and for the bride and her

father, who must go together to the church.

 

Fortunately there is no stern law, if every one is late at church,

for the hour appointed, as in England. There the law would read,

“The rite of marriage is to be performed between the hours of 8

A.M. and noon, upon pain of suspension and felony with fourteen

years’ transportation.” Such is the stern order to the officiating

priests.

 

The reason for this curious custom and the terrible penalty

awaiting its infringement is traceable, it is said, to the wrongs

committed on innocent parties by the “hedge” parsons. Also, alas!

because our English ancestors were apt to be drunk after midday,

and unable to take an oath.

 

Here the guests arrive first at the church. The groom emerges from

the vestry, supported by his best man, and then the organ strikes

up the Wedding March.

 

Two little girls, beautifully dressed in Kate Greenaway hats and

white gowns, and with immense sashes, carrying bouquets, come in

first; then the bridesmaids, who form an avenue. Then the bride

and her father walk up to the altar, where the groom claims her,

and her father steps back. The bride stands on the left hand of

the bridegroom; her first bridesmaid advances nearly behind her,

ready to receive the glove and bouquet. After the ceremony is

over, the bride and groom walk down the aisle first, and the

children follow; after them the bridesmaids, then the ushers, then

the father and mother, and so on. Sometimes the ushers go first,

to be ready to cloak the bride, open the doors, keep back the

people, and generally preserve order.

 

The signing of the register in the vestry is not an American

custom, but it is now the fashion to have a highly illuminated

parchment certificate signed by the newly married pair, with two

or three witnesses, the bridesmaids, the best man, the father and

mother, and so on, generally being the attesting parties.

 

If a sit-down wedding breakfast has been arranged, it occurs about

half an hour after the parties return from church. An attempt is

being made to return to the manners of the past, and for the

bridegroom (� la Sir Charles Grandison) to wait on the guests

with a napkin on his arm. This often makes much amusement, and

breaks in on the formality. Of course his waiting is very much of

a sinecure and a joke.

 

The table for a wedding breakfast of this sort should be of a

horseshoe shape. But for a city wedding, where many guests are to

be invited in a circle which is forever widening, this sort of an

exclusive breakfast is almost impossible, and a large table is

generally spread, where the guests go in uninvited, and are helped

by the waiters.

 

Eight bridesmaids is a fashionable number; and the bride has, of

course, the privilege of choosing the dresses. The prettiest

toilettes we have seen were of heliotrope gaze over satin; and

again clover red, lighted up with white lace. The bonnets were of

white chip, with feathers of red, for this last dress; broad hats

of yellow satin, with yellow plumes, will surmount the heliotrope

bridesmaids. One set of bridesmaids will wear Nile-green dresses,

with pink plumes in their coiffures; another set, probably those

with the pink bride, will be in white satin and silver.

 

A bride’s dress has lately been ornamented with orange blossoms

and lilacs. The veil was fastened on with orange flowers; the

corsage bouquet was of orange flowers and lilacs mixed; the lace

overdress was caught up with lilac sprays; the hand bouquet

wholly of lilacs; The gardener’s success in producing these dwarf

bushes covered with white lilacs has given us the beautiful flower

in great perfection. Cowslips are to be used as corsage and hand

bouquets for bridesmaids’ dresses, the dresses being of pale blue

surah, with yellow satin Gainsborough hats, and yellow plumes.

White gloves and shoes are proper for brides. The white undressed

kid or Swedish glove will be the favorite; and high princesse

dresses with long sleeves are still pronounced the best style.

 

As for wedding presents, great favor is shown to jewelry and

articles somewhat out of the common. Vases of costly workmanship,

brass wine-coolers, enamelled glass frames, small mirrors set in

silver, belt clasps, pins of every sort of conceit for the hair,

choice old Louis Treize silver boxes of curious design, and

watches, even old miniatures, are all of the order of things most

desired. So many of our spring brides are going immediately to

Europe that it seems absurd to load them down with costly dinner

sets, or the usual lamps and pepper-casters. These may come later.

How much prettier to give the bride something she can wear!

 

Wedding presents, if shown, will be in the second-story front

room, spread on tables and surrounded by flowers. Some brides will

give an afternoon tea the day before to show the presents to a few

intimate friends. Each present will bear the name of the giver on

his or her card.

 

One bride intends to make a most original innovation. Instead of

going immediately out of town, she will remain at home and attend

the Bachelors’ Ball, in the evening, leaving for Philadelphia at

three in the morning. At several of the church weddings the guests

are only bidden there; there will be no reception.

 

Widows who are to be married again should be reminded that they

can neither have wedding favors nor wear a veil or orange

blossoms. A widow bride should wear a bonnet, she should have no

bridesmaids, and a peach-blossom silk or velvet is a very pretty

dress. At a certain up-town wedding all the gentlemen will wear a

wedding favor excepting the groom. He always wears only a flower.

 

Wedding favors should be made of white ribbon and silver leaves.

Large bouquets of white flowers should ornament the ears of the

horses and the coats of the coachmen and footmen.

 

It is a matter of taste whether the bride wears her gloves to the

altar or whether she goes up with uncovered hands. “High-Church”

brides prefer the latter custom, The bride carries a prayer-book,

if she prefers, instead of a bouquet. The Holy Communion is

administered to the married pair if they desire it.

 

One correspondent inquires, “Who should be