Manners and Social Usages by Mrs John M. E. W. Sherwood (great book club books TXT) 📖

even a little verse, or

posy, as it was called in olden time. One tea-caddy at a recent

wedding bore the following almost obsolete rhyme, which Corydon

might have sent to Phyllis in pastoral times:

 

“My heart to you is given;

Oh do give yours to me:

We’ll lock them up together,

And throw away the key.”

 

It should be added that the silver tea-caddy was in the shape of a

heart, and that it had a key. Very dear to the heart of a

housewife is the tea-caddy which can be locked.

 

Another unique present was a gold tea scoop of ancient pattern,

probably once a baby’s pap spoon. There were also apostle-spoons,

and little silver canoes and other devices to hold cigarettes and

ashes; little mysterious boxes for the toilette, to hold the tongs

for curling hair, and hair-pins; mirror frames, and even

chair-backs and tables—all of silver.

 

Several beautiful umbrellas, with all sorts of handles, recalled

the anecdote of the man who said he first saw his wife in a storm,

married her in a storm, lived with her in a hurricane, but buried

her in pleasant weather; parasols with jewelled handles, and

beautiful painted fans, are also favorite offerings to the newly

married.

 

Friends conspire to make their offerings together, so that there

may be no duplicates, and no pieces in the silver service which do

not match. This is a very excellent plan. Old pieces like silver

tankards, Queen Anne silver, and the ever beautiful Baltimore

workmanship, are highly prized.

 

It is no longer the fashion to display the presents at the

wedding. They are arranged in an upper room, and shown to a few

friends of the bride the day before the ceremony. Nor is it the

fashion for the bride to wear many jewels. These are reserved for

her first appearance as a married woman.

 

Clusters of diamond stars, daisies, or primroses that can be

grouped together are now favorite gifts. In this costly gift

several friends join again, as in the silver presentation. Diamond

bracelets that can be used as necklaces are also favorite

presents. All sorts of vases, bits of china, cloisonn�, clocks

(although there is not such a stampede of clocks and lamps as a

few years ago), choice etchings framed, and embroidered

tablecloths, doyleys, and useful coverings for bureau and

wash-stands, are in order.

 

The bride now prefers simplicity in her dress—splendid and costly

simplicity. An elegant white-satin and a tulle veil, the latter

very full, the former extremely long and with a sweeping train,

high corsage, and long sleeves, long white gloves, and perhaps a

flower in the hair—such is the latest fashion for an autumn

bride. The young ladies say they prefer that their magnificence

should wait for the days after marriage, when their jewels can be

worn. There is great sense in this, for a bride is interesting

enough when she is simply attired.

 

The solemnization of the marriage should be in a church, and a

high ecclesiastical functionary should be asked to solemnize it.

The guests are brought in by the ushers, who, by the way, now wear

pearl-colored kid-gloves, embroidered in black, as do the groom

and best man. The front seats are reserved for the relatives and

intimate friends, and the head usher has a paper on which are

written the names of people entitled to these front seats. The

seats thus reserved have a white ribbon as a line of demarcation.

Music should usher in the bride.

 

The fashion of bridesmaids has gone out temporarily, and one

person, generally a sister, alone accompanies the bride to the

altar as her female aid. The bride, attended by her father or near

friend, comes in last, after the ushers. After her mother, sister,

and family have preceded her, these near relatives group

themselves about the altar steps. Her sister, or one bridesmaid,

stands near her at the altar rail, and kneels with her and the

bridegroom, as does the best man. The groom takes his bride from

the hand of her father or nearest friend, who then retires and

stands a little behind the bridal pair. He must be near enough to

respond quickly when he hears the words, “Who giveth this woman to

be married to this man?” The bride and groom walk out together

after the ceremony, followed by the nearest relatives, and proceed

to the home where the wedding breakfast is served. Here the bridal

pair stand under an arch of autumn-leaves, golden-rod, asters, and

other seasonable flowers, and receive their friends, who are

presented by the ushers.

 

The father and mother do not take any stated position on this

occasion, but mingle with the guests, and form a part of the

company. In an opulent countryhouse, if the day is fine, little

tables are set out on the lawn, the ladies seat themselves around,

and the gentlemen carry the refreshments to them; or the piazzas

are beautifully decorated with autumn boughs and ferns, flowers,

evergreens, and the refreshments are served there. If it is a bad

day, of course the usual arrangements of a crowded buffet are in

order; there is no longer a “sit-down” wedding breakfast; it does

not suit our American ideas, as recent experiments have proved. We

have many letters asking if the gentlemen of the bride’s family

should wear gloves. They should, and, as we have indicated, they

should be of pearl-colored kid, embroidered in the seams with

black.

 

The one bridesmaid must be dressed in colors. At a recent very

fashionable wedding the bridesmaid wore bright buttercup yellow, a

real Directoire dress, white lace skirt, yellow bodice, hat

trimmed with yellow—a very picturesque, pretty costume. The silk

stockings and slippers were of yellow, the hat of Leghorn, very

large, turned up at one side, yellow plumes, and long streamers of

yellow-velvet ribbon. Yellow is now esteemed a favorite color and

a fortunate one. It once was deemed the synonym for envy, but that

has passed away.

 

The carrying of an ivory prayer-book was found to be attended with

inconvenience, therefore was discontinued. Still, if a young lady

wishes to have her prayer-book associated with her vows at the

altar, she can properly carry it. Brides are, however, leaving

their bouquets at home, as the immense size of a modern bouquet

interfered with the giving and taking of the ring.

 

A very pretty bit of ornamentation for an autumn wedding is the

making of a piece of tapestry of autumn leaves to hang behind the

bride as she receives. This can be done by sewing the leaves on a

piece of drugget on which some artist has drawn a clever sketch

with chalk and charcoal. We have seen some really elaborate and

artistic groups done in this way by earnest and unselfish girl

friends. Romeo and Juliet, Hamlet and Ophelia, Tristan and Iseult,

can thus be made to serve as decorations.

 

The walls of the church can, of course, be exquisitely decorated

with palms in an Oriental pattern, flowers, and leaves. The season

is one when nature’s bounty is so profuse that even the fruits can

be pressed into service. Care should be taken not to put too many

tuberoses about, for the perfume is sickening to some.

 

The engagement ring should be worn on the third finger of the left

hand. It should have a solitaire stone—either a diamond or a

colored stone. Colored stones and diamonds, set diagonally, as a

sapphire and a diamond, are also worn; but not a pearl, as,

according to the German idea, “pearls are tears for a bride.” The

wedding ring is entirely different, being merely a plain gold

ring, not very wide nor a square band, as it was a few years

since, and the engagement ring is worn as a guard above the

wedding ring. It is not usual for the bride expectant to give a

ring to her intended husband, but many girls like to give an

engagement gift to their betrothed. Inside the engagement ring is

the date of the engagement and the initials of each of the

contracting parties. The wedding ring has the date of the marriage

and the initials.

 

If the marriage takes place at home, the bride and groom enter

together, and take their place before the clergyman, who has

already entered; then come the father and mother and other

friends. A pair of hassocks should be arranged for the bridal pair

to kneel upon, and the father should be near to allow the

clergyman to see him when he asks for his authority.

 

For autumn weddings nothing is so pretty for the travelling-dress

as a tailormade costume of very light cloth, with sacque to match

for a cold day. No travelling-dress should of itself be too heavy,

as our railway carriages are kept so very warm.

 

We have been asked to define the meaning of the word “honeymoon.”

It comes from the Germans, who drank mead, or metheglin—a

beverage made of honey—for thirty days after the wedding.

 

The bride-cake is no longer cut and served at weddings; the

present of cake in boxes has superseded that. At the wedding

breakfast the ices are now packed in fancy boxes, which bear

nuptial mottoes and orange-blossoms and violets on their surfaces.

As the ring is the expressive emblem of the perpetuity of the

compact, and as the bride-cake and customary libations form

significant symbols of the nectar sweets of matrimony, it will not

do to banish the cake altogether, although few people eat it, and

few wish to carry it away.

 

Among the Romans, June was considered the most propitious month

for marriage; but with the Anglo-Saxons October has always been a

favorite and auspicious season. We find that the festival has

always been observed in very much the same way, whether druidical,

pagan, or Christian.

 

We have been asked, Who shall conduct the single bridesmaid to the

altar? It should be the brother of the groom, her own fianc�, or

some chosen friend—never the best man; he does not leave his

friend the groom until he sees him fairly launched on that hopeful

but uncertain sea whose reverses and whose smiles are being

constantly tempted.

 

“That man must lead a happy life

Who is directed by a wife.

Who’s freed from matrimonial claims

Is sure to suffer for his pains.”

 

This is a “posy” for some October silver.

 

CHAPTER XIII.

BEFORE THE WEDDING AND AFTER.

 

The reception of an engaged girl by the family of her future

husband should be most cordial, and no time should be lost in

giving her a warm welcome. It is the moment of all others when she

will feet such a welcome most gratefully, and when any neglect

will be certain to give her the keenest unhappiness.

 

It is the fashion for the mother of the groom to invite both the

family of the expectant bride and herself to a dinner as soon as

possible after the formal announcement of the engagement. The two

families should meet and should make friendships at once. This is

important.

 

It is to these near relatives that the probable date of the

wedding-day is first whispered, in time to allow of much

consultation and preparation in the selection of wedding gifts. In

opulent families each has sometimes given the young couple a

silver dinner service and much silver besides, and the rooms of

the bride’s father’s house look like a jeweller’s shop when the

presents are shown. All the magnificent ormolu ornaments for the

chimney-piece, handsome clocks and lamps, fans in large

quantities, spoons, forks by the hundred, and of late years the

fine gilt ornaments, furniture, camel’s-hair shawls,

bracelets—all are piled up in most admired confusion. And when

the invitations are out, then come in the outer world with