Manners and Social Usages by Mrs John M. E. W. Sherwood (great book club books TXT) 📖

served at this breakfast, together with

champagne and other wines, and finally the wedding-cake is set

before the bride, and she cuts a slice.

 

The health of the bride and groom is then proposed by the

gentleman chosen for this office, generally the father of the

groom, and responded to by the father of the bride. The groom is

sometimes expected to respond, and he proposes the health of the

bridesmaids, for which the best man returns thanks. Unless all are

unusually happy speakers, this is apt to be awkward, and

“stand-up” breakfasts are far more commonly served, as the French

say, en buffet. In the first place, the possibility of asking

more people commends this latter practice, and it is far less

trouble to serve a large, easy collation to a number of people

standing about than to furnish what is really a dinner to a number

sitting down.

 

Wedding presents are sent any time within two months before the

wedding, the earlier the better, as many brides like to arrange

their own tables artistically, if the presents are shown. Also,

all brides should write a personal note thanking each giver for

his gift, be it large or small.

 

All persons who send gifts should be invited to the wedding and to

the reception, although the converse of this proposition does not

hold true; for not all who are asked to the wedding are expected

to send gifts.

 

Wedding presents have now become almost absurdly gorgeous. The old

fashion, which was started among the frugal Dutch, of giving the

young couple their household gear and a sum of money with which to

begin, has now degenerated into a very bold display of wealth and

ostentatious generosity, so that friends of moderate means are

afraid to send anything. Even the cushion on which a wealthy bride

in New York was lately expected to kneel was so elaborately

embroidered with pearls that she visibly hesitated to press it

with her knee at the altar. Silver and gold services, too precious

to be trusted to ordinary lock and key, are displayed at the

wedding and immediately sent off to some convenient safe. This is

one of the necessary and inevitable overgrowths of a luxury which

we have not yet learned to manage. In France they do things

better, those nearest of kin subscribing a sum of money, which is

sent to the bride’s mother, who expends it in the bridal

trousseau, or in jewels or silver, as the bride pleases.

 

So far has this custom transcended good taste that now many

persons of refined minds hesitate to show the presents.

 

After giving an hour and a half to her guests, the bride retires

to change her dress; generally her most intimate friends accompany

her. She soon returns in her travelling-dress, and is met at the

foot of the stairs by the groom, who has also changed his dress.

The father, mother, and intimate friends kiss the bride, and, as

the happy pair drive off, a shower of satin slippers and rice

follows them. If one slipper alights on the top of the carriage,

luck is assured to them forever.

 

Wedding-cake is no longer sent about. It is neatly packed in

boxes; each guest takes one, if she likes, as she leaves the

house.

 

Wedding-favors made of white ribbon and artificial flowers are

indispensable in England, but America has had the good taste to

abjure them until lately. Such ornaments are used for the horses’

ears and the servants’ coats in this country. Here the groom wears

a boutonniere of natural flowers.

 

A widow should never be accompanied by bridesmaids, or wear a veil

or orange-blossoms at her marriage. She should at church wear a

colored silk and a bonnet. She should be attended by her father,

brother, or some near friend.

 

It is proper for her to remove her first wedding-ring, as the

wearing of that cannot but be painful to the bridegroom.

 

If married at home, the widow bride may wear a light silk and be

bonnetless, but she should not indulge in any of the signs of

first bridal.

 

It is an exploded idea that of allowing every one to kiss the

bride. It is only meet that the near relatives do that.

 

The formula for wedding-cards is generally this:

 

Mr. and Mrs. Brown

request the pleasure of your company

at the wedding of their daughter Maria to John Stanley,

at Ascension Church,

on Tuesday, November fifteenth,

at two o’clock.

 

These invitations are engraved on notepaper.

 

If friends are invited to a wedding-breakfast or a reception at

the house, that fact is stated on a separate card, which is

enclosed in the same envelope.

 

Of course in great cities, with a large acquaintance, many are

asked to the church and not to the house. This fact should never

give offence.

 

The smaller card runs in this fashion:

 

Reception at

99 B Street, at half-past two.

 

To these invitations the invited guests make no response save to

go or to leave cards. All invited guests, however, are expected to

call on the young couple and to invite them during the year.

 

Of course there are quieter weddings and very simple arrangements

as to serving refreshments: a wedding-cake and a decanter of

sherry often are alone offered to the witnesses of a wedding.

 

Many brides prefer to be married in travelling-dress and hat, and

leave immediately, without congratulations.

 

The honeymoon in our busy land is usually only a fortnight in the

sky, and some few bridal pairs prefer to spend it at the quiet

country house of a friend, as is the English fashion. But others

make a hurried trip to Niagara, or to the Thousand Islands, or go

to Europe, as the case may be. It is extraordinary that none stay

at home; in beginning a new life all agree that a change of place

is the first requisite.

 

After the return home, bridal dinners and parties are offered to

the bride, and she is treated with distinction for three months.

Her path is often strewed with flowers from the church to her own

door, and it is, metaphorically, so adorned during the first few

weeks of married life. Every one hastens to welcome her to her new

condition, and she has but to smile and accept the amiable

congratulations and attentions which are showered upon her. Let

her parents remember, however, in sending cards after the wedding,

to let the bride’s friends know where she can be found in her

married estate.

 

Now as to the time for the marriage. There is something

exquisitely poetical in the idea of a June wedding. It is the very

month for the softer emotions and for the wedding journey. In

England it is the favorite month for marriages. May is considered

unlucky, and in an old almanac of 1678 we find the following

notice: “Times prohibiting marriage: Marriage comes in on the 13th

day of January and at Septuagesima Sunday; it is out again until

Low Sunday, at which time it comes in again and goes not out until

Rogation Sunday. Thence it is forbidden until Trinity Sunday, from

whence it is unforbidden until Advent Sunday; but then it goes out

and comes not in again until the 18th of January next following.”

 

Our brides have, however, all seasons for their own, excepting

May, as we have said, and Friday, an unlucky day. The month of

roses has very great recommendations. The ceremony is apt to be

performed in the country at a pretty little church, which lends

its altar-rails gracefully to wreaths, and whose Gothic windows

open upon green lawns and trim gardens. The bride and her maids

can walk over the delicate sward without soiling their slippers,

and an opportunity offers for carrying parasols made entirely of

flowers. But if it is too far to walk, the bride is driven to

church in her father’s carriage with him alone, her mother,

sisters, and bridesmaids having preceded her. In England etiquette

requires that the bride and groom should depart from the church in

the groom’s carriage. It is strict etiquette there that the groom

furnish the carriage with which they return to the

wedding-breakfast and afterwards depart in state, with many

wedding-favors on the horses’ heads, and huge white bouquets on

the breasts of coachman and footman.

 

It is in England, also, etiquette to drive with four horses to the

place where the honeymoon is to be spent; but in America the

drive is generally to the nearest railway-station.

 

Let us give a further sketch of the duties of the best man. He

accompanies the groom to the church and stands near him, waiting

at the altar, until the bride arrives; then he holds the groom’s

hat. He signs the register afterwards as witness, and pays the

clergyman’s fee, and then follows the bridal procession out of the

church, joining the party at the house, where he still further

assists the groom by presenting the guests. The bridesmaids

sometimes form a line near the door at a June wedding, allowing

the bride to walk through this pretty alley-way to the church.

 

The bridegroom’s relatives sit at the right of the altar or

communion rails, thus being on the bridegroom’s right hand, and

those of the bride sit on the left, at the bride’s left hand. The

bridegroom and best man stand on the clergyman’s left hand at the

altar. The bride is taken by her right hand by the groom, and of

course stands on his left hand; her father stands a little behind

her. Sometimes the female relatives stand in the chancel with the

bridal group, but this, can only happen in a very large church;

and the rector must arrange this, as in high churches the

marriages take place outside the chancel.

 

After the ceremony is over the clergyman bends over and

congratulates the young people. The bride then takes the left arm

of the groom, and passes down the aisle, followed by her

bridesmaids and the ushers.

 

Some of our correspondents have no good asked us what the best man

is doing at this moment? Probably waiting in the vestry, or, if

not, he hurries down a side aisle, gets into a carriage, and

drives to the house where the wedding reception is to be held.

 

October is a good month for both city and country weddings. In our

climate, the brilliant October days, not too warm, are admirable

for the city guests, who are invited to a country place for the

wedding, and certainly it is a pleasant season for the wedding

journey. Travelling costumes for brides in England are very

elegant, even showy. Velvet, and even light silks and satins, are

used; but in our country plain cloth and cashmere costumes are

more proper and more fashionable.

 

For weddings in families where a death has recently occurred, all

friends, even the widowed mother, should lay aside their mourning

for the ceremony, appearing in colors. It is considered unlucky

and inappropriate to wear black at a wedding. In our country a

widowed mother appears at her daughter’s wedding in purple velvet

or silk; in England she wears deep cardinal red, which is

considered, under these circumstances, to be mourning, or proper

for a person who is in mourning.

 

We should add that ushers and groomsmen are unknown at an English

wedding. The sexton of the church performs the functions which are

attended to here by ushers.

 

Note.—The young people who are about to be married make a list

together as to whom cards should be sent, and all cards go from

the young lady’s family. No one thinks it strange to get cards for

a wedding. A young lady should