N is for... (Checklist Book 14) L DuBois (readict books txt) 📖

laugh out of her, and Autumn relaxed a little, leaning back so she wasn’t perched as if prepared for flight.

“No, though my friend offered to kneecap him. It wasn’t…he wasn’t abusive. Not in the way you’re imagining.”

“And what do you think I’m imagining?” he asked.

“That I asked a boyfriend to top me and he beat me instead.” She fiddled with the hem of the jacket. “It’s not quite that linear.”

“Help me understand.”

Autumn glanced at him from behind her lashes and Daniel’s gut tightened.

“I’m still the asshole,” she warned. “And I’m a hypocrite.”

“No, I don’t think you are. Do you think the other subs are stupid?”

She raised a brow. “Of course not.”

“And Pet. Do you hate her? Think she’s a worthless person.”

“No, but I want to shake her. Beg her to stop letting herself be treated like a pet. To stand up and not be…”

“Weak?” he asked, using her word.

She nodded.

“You want her to change her relationship with Master Carter. Want her to quit the 24/7 lifestyle.”

“Exactly.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s…because he’ll…” She stammered to a stop.

“Autumn, would you look at me?” He’d been very careful to make that a request and not an order. When she did met his gaze, he held it for a moment before asking the next question. “Are you angry at Pet because of how she submits…or are you scared for her?”

Autumn sucked in air. Her throat worked and then she bit her lip.

Crap, she was about to cry. Daniel shifted, prepared to get up on his knees and hug her, but stopped himself. Every muscle in his body was tense with the need to comfort her. To protect her.

He always felt at least a little protective of his sub partner. This feeling was something different—a magnitude more than what he’d felt for any other sub.

She was attracted to him. He was attracted to her. Now it was out in the open—a blatant acknowledgement of a romantic attraction, in a place where romance took a back seat to kink.

If they had met in that hypothetical bar he would have left with at the very least her number. At best, with her.

Taken her back to his place for hot passionate sex, and then in the morning, instead of awkward weirdness, they would have ordered in brunch and talked, getting to know one another better before once more falling into bed.

At some point he’d tell her his life story, and then later, when he told her about his sexual needs she’d put two and two together, figure out it equaled ‘fucked up’, and be gone from his life.

Daniel forced himself to settle back on the blanket, then unclenched his jaw, not wanting to telegraph anger that she might think was directed at her.

“You’re right. I’m…scared for her. I’m terrified for all of us.” She put one hand over her face, the other wrapped across her middle. “I hadn’t realized, until you asked, but you’re right. It’s fear.” Raising her head, she wiped away a tear with the sleeve of his coat, and let out a watery laugh. “I guess that’s what I get for not letting myself think about it.”

“You’re not an asshole,” he murmured, aching with the need to hold her.

Another tear fell, and she wiped it away again, then frowned at his sleeve. “I’ll have this cleaned for you.”

“I don’t care about the jacket.”

“It’s a nice jacket, and now it has concealer on it.”

“I really don’t give a shit about the jacket. If you want to rub makeup all over it, be my guest.”

“Please stop being so…” She waved a hand in the air. “Perfect.”

“Perfect?”

She eyed him, the sadness gone, replaced by some of the sass from earlier. “Don’t fish for compliments. I already admitted that I find you attractive enough that I was thinking about you as a date rather than a Dom. And then I fully freaked out because of it.” She pursed her lips. “And then I confessed my deep dark secret, and you helped me figure out it was a totally different kind of mental health issue than I thought.”

Daniel chuckled. “You were right, you know.”

“About what?”

Right now Autumn needed a Dom, but not to stimulate her physically. She needed a Dom to protect and cherish her. To make her feel accepted and heard. It was one of the reasons people joined Las Palmas—to be among like-minded individuals, and to have a place where their desires were normal, rather than taboo.

“You were right about what would have happened if we met at that bar.”

Autumn’s shoulders tightened and she looked away.

“We have chemistry. We have a similar sense of humor—I’m basing that on our conversations so far. So if we had met outside of here, things might have been different.” He let his voice deepen. “But this is where we are.” He gestured at the courtyard around them.

“Except now you know how messed up my head is.” Autumn tried to make it a joke but there was real pain in her words.

If she thought she was fucked up…

Daniel got to his knees. She leaned forward, as if drawn to him, then pulled back.

“What I know is that you’re hurting,” he said. “That your fear is making you cruel, not to others, but to yourself. You’re lying to yourself—”

“I’m not lying to myself.”

“Yes.” He used his Dom voice this time, deeply pleased when she jumped. “You’re telling yourself you’re ‘an asshole’ because of how you feel about submission, but you’re not. You’re hurting, and that’s a defense mechanism.”

He braced his hands on either side of her. “You’re scared, and you don’t trust Dominants.”

“Um, clearly I do. I got naked for you within hours of meeting you.” Her protest was weak, and she wouldn’t meet his eyes.

“You’re lying to me, but I’ll allow it because you’re not doing it intentionally. The primary person you’re lying to is yourself.”

Her eyes narrowed. “You don’t really know me. You can’t say—”

He leaned in. Didn’t touch her, or say anything, just invaded her personal space. She stopped speaking with a click as