N is for... (Checklist Book 14) L DuBois (readict books txt) 📖

“You might be willing to trust a Dom with your body, but you don’t really trust me, or any other top. Not enough to be honest.”

“Trusting someone with my body is a damned big deal.” She’d raised her chin, looking down her nose at him.

Daniel shifted closer, so his abdomen nearly brushed her knees. “But it’s not nearly as important as trusting someone with your emotional truth.”

“My emotional truth?” She eyed him. “Are you a psychologist?”

“No, just a man who has been in therapy for years.”

“Well here’s my emotional truth. I don’t like that I need this, but I do need it. I enjoy it too, of course, as long as D/s stuff stays separate from romance.”

“That’s part of it, but not all of it. It’s deeper than that, which is why you displaced some of your feelings onto others, onto submission and being submissive as a whole.”

“It’s not that complex.”

He studied her. “Isn’t it? Emotional truth is complicated, because people are complicated. Maybe the term ‘emotional truth’ is a little dramatic, or too technical, but it’s also accurate.”

“Maybe, but this isn’t therapy.” She gestured around.

“Aww come on, Autumn. You’re smarter than that.” He raised a brow and smiled a little to soften the words. “This place absolutely serves as a therapist’s office for some members. Maybe even most of them.”

She snorted out a laugh and resettled her hands. Instead of keeping her arms tucked in at her sides, she placed her hands far enough apart that her pinkies brushed against his fingers.

“I want you to submit to me.” His words were low, and rougher than he’d intended.

Autumn stiffened, meet his gaze.

“I want you to submit to me knowing that we’re attracted to one another. That if we’d met in the vanilla world we might have ended up dating.”

Her jaw clenched and she looked away.

“No, Autumn. Look at me.” He cupped her chin, forcing her to face him. “You’re going to submit, and I’m going to show you that knowing you’re a submissive doesn’t mean I don’t respect you. It doesn’t make me any less attracted to you. And if we were to meet in a bar, after this, knowing what I know, I might ask you out on a date.”

She jerked back, as if he’d slapped her. That reaction made him want to reach back through time and find the man or men who’d done this to her and strangle them.

“Why would you say that?” she whispered. “I can’t do it…”

“You can. We could test the theory.”

That snapped her out of the rising panic he could see on her face. “Theory?”

“Your theory is that now that I know you’re a submissive, I won’t respect you, correct?”

Autumn arched a brow. “Ah, but now that you know that I think that, you’ll pretend to respect me.”

“Are you saying you wouldn’t be able to tell fake respect from real?” Daniel didn’t bother to hide his smile. The banter was fun.

“Hmm, a valid point. I don’t think you’ll be that good a liar.” Her sassy smile faded. “I can feel it when someone…thinks less of me.”

Damn it. He didn’t want her sad and scared. He wanted her sassy and naked.

“Then we’ll proceed with our test. We play the game. You submit. And at the end, when you realize that I don’t respect you any less, that I don’t think you’re any less capable or attractive…you tell me the story.”

“What story?”

“The story of who hurt you.” He cupped her cheek and when she leaned into his touch his heart clenched, the need to protect her nearly overwhelming.

“Daniel…I’m sorry I ran. I’m sorry I’m an emotional mess, but you don’t have to try and fix me.”

“I’m not going to fix you, because you’re not broken. And even if you were, you’re the only one who could make those repairs.” He nudged her chin up, waiting until she was looking at him before he smiled. “All I’m going to do is…”

She held her breath, her eyes wide with anticipation. He could say something moving and dramatic. Something amazing and heartfelt.

But there had been enough emotional drama for the moment. She needed a break from talking, and it was his job, his privilege, to make sure she got what she needed.

“…play with your nipples.”

Autumn’s eyes widened, and she let out a peal of laughter that had several people looking their way and smiling.

Daniel sat back on his heels, keeping his hands on the bench. He waited for Autumn’s laughter to fade to a smile.

“Okay. I want…I want to scene. I want to do the checklist game with you. I can’t promise that I won’t…that I won’t panic.”

Daniel gripped her legs, hooking two fingers behind her knees. “If you do, you tell me. One thing I will absolutely demand of you is communication. No more running away rather than talking.”

“All right. I can—”

Daniel tightened his grip and yanked her off the chair. She tumbled into his lap, her legs astride his thighs, her arms coming around his shoulders. Her head was still higher than his, but their faces were close enough that all he’d have to do to kiss her was tug her down a few inches.

But a kiss was romantic and intimate. For Autumn, a kiss might once more bring up feelings that, at least for now, were better pushed to the side.

All of which meant he couldn’t kiss her.

At least not right now. But in that moment Daniel promised himself that he would kiss this woman. And not as part of a scene.

He was going to kiss her like it was the climactic moment in a romantic movie.

He was going to kiss her like it was their wedding day.

He was going to kiss her because he knew that he could fall in love with this woman. It was insane, given that he’d known her for only a handful of hours, but that didn’t matter.

And maybe it wasn’t a question of ‘could’ he fall for her, but when.

“Autumn,” Daniel murmured, forcing his thoughts away