Hooking Up : Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus Kathleen Bogle (general ebook reader .txt) 📖

We call it the walk of shame, which is the walk across campus after you hooked up in the same clothes you went out in the night before.

On the campuses I studied, this fascination with one another’s “personal” life was central to the college experience.2 Thus, sexual behavior, far from being a private matter, is happening under the watchful eyes and curious ears of all who inhabit the college campus.

PERCEPTION OF OTHERS

College students’ preoccupation with the sexual behavior of their classmates is not all for idle gossip. By studying how other men and women behave, college students learn the norms for their peer group, which in turn affects their own choices. It is important to find out how students view their classmates’ behavior because students define their own sexual behavior relative to others, particularly other students of the same sex. College men I spoke with perceive other men in the hookup culture as being very preoccupied with sex. When I asked if they believed the stereotype that men’s actions are sex driven, almost all of the men agreed with the stereotype. In fact, several men suggested that college men cannot avoid being preoccupied T H E C A M P U S A S A S E X UA ll A R E N A 75

by sex because it is “natural” for men to be this way. Kyle, a senior at State University, agreed:

KB: There is a stereotype that college guys, especially fraternity guys are very sex driven, that that is what they are looking for. Would you agree with that?

Kyle: You are in a big house, a lot of beer, you have a lot of friends and have parties, and if that results in [sex, so be it] . . . I think all guys like to have a lot of sex [not just fraternity men]. It’s just testosterone.

My exchange with Trent, a senior from Faith University, further amplifies this attitude:

KB: Do you think either guys or girls typically have more

[hookup] partners?

Trent: Oh, guys without a doubt.

KB: And why do you think that is?

Trent: Guys, it’s just the way we are. I really don’t know . . . the guy will go for it more than a girl would, like he’ll go out and try to hook up, where a girl will just see what happens, you know what I mean. That’s at least my experience. [Emphasis added]

Although the men generally thought that all college men, including themselves, were preoccupied with sex, they suggested that it was other men who had really low standards or would be willing to “sleep with anyone.” Or as Kevin, a senior at Faith University, put it, “A few of my friends . . . don’t care what the girl looks like, they just want to get laid.” Another senior at Faith University, Trent, said, “I’m not like my one friend; he’ll hook up with anyone just to hook up with her. You know, he’ll sleep with anyone just to sleep with them, he doesn’t care.” Jack, a sophomore at Faith University, offers a similar view.

KB: So, it depends on the girl [whether she will have sex or not]?

What about guys, does it depend on the guy or is the guy up for whatever the girl is up for?

Jack: There have been cases where I turned [sex] down, but most of my roommates . . . they generally are up for anything.

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T H E C A M P U S A S A S E X UA ll A R E N A Consistent with other college men I spoke with, Kevin, Trent, and Jack defined their own sexual behavior relative to what they believed others were doing in the sexual arena. These men were very active members in the hookup scene, yet they viewed their sexual behavior as “not that bad” compared to what some of their friends do. Inevitably, it was other men who engaged in truly promiscuous behavior, not the person I interviewed.

While many men favored the idea that college men are looking for sex, the women I interviewed believed that college women were looking for relationships. As Adrienne, a senior at Faith University, put it, “It always seems like the girls want to . . . come back for more contact [after a hookup] and the guys are like one night, that’s it.” Lynn, a sophomore at Faith University, agrees:

KB: What about girls, what do you find girls are looking for in terms of guys, are they looking for sex, too, are they looking for hooking up, are they looking for relationships?

Lynn: If the girl likes the guy, I think she might be interested in finding out if she wants to pursue a relationship. I kind of think guys have this theory that either you hook up or you get married. Like if I was to tell [a guy] I liked him then he would get like so scared and freaked out because [men think]: “Oh my God that means we have to be in a relationship” and it doesn’t mean that. I think most girls are looking to try and pursue a relationship, but aren’t just going to go up to a guy and be like: “Oh, want to be my boyfriend?” you know what I mean? I think that girls do look for relationships more than guys would.

KB: From what you just described . . . when you said looking for a possible relationship, you might be interested in something happening, but don’t expect it overnight to be a really close committed relationship. Is that what you mean?

Lynn: Exactly. [Emphasis added]

Liz, a freshman at Faith University, offered the following: KB: Do you find either guys or girls are looking for relationships?

Liz: Girls are; guys are not.

KB: Why do you think girls are?

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Liz: Why wouldn’t you want a boyfriend because it’s kind of like you’re living with