Hooking Up : Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus Kathleen Bogle (general ebook reader .txt) 📖

that you need to make a ton of money, but you are going to have a difficult time in today’s job market finding a job that is going to make any living.

KB: So you think they are here spouse shopping?

Kyle: Not the majority, but I do know girls that do that.

Kevin, a senior at Faith University, offered a similar view: KB: [You said earlier that] guys are looking for sex all the time.

What are girls looking for?

Kevin: A husband.

KB: Even when they are [in college]?

Kevin: Hmm-hmm.

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T H E C A M P U S A S A S E X UA ll A R E N A These men seemed to believe college women today are not much different than their 1950s-era counterparts. It was during this time that people began to suggest that women attended college in order to get their “MRS” degree. This idea was not completely unfounded considering two-thirds of women who attended college in the 1950s dropped out before finishing their degree, usually to marry.4

Just as the college men I spoke to believed that some women are looking for sex, but most are looking for relationships, the college women believed that some men are looking for relationships, but that most are looking for sex. Some took this a step farther, believing that men were very focused on sex with multiple partners, even when they were already hooking up repeatedly with one particular woman.

KB: Do you have any sense of what people are looking for out of

[a hookup]? Do you think people are looking for relationships or the physicall. . . aspects?

Gloria: I think guys definitely look for the hottest girl and want to

“get ass” from that girl and want to say they got it from that girl. [Freshman, State University]

KB: If someone is not in a relationship, how many times might someone hook up in a semester, like how many different people in a semester?

Marie: Guys, God, they’ll hook up with anybody [laughing], it really just doesn’t matter. I’ve seen guys with a different girl every week, they don’t care. I’ve seen guys cheat on their girlfriends and not care. Girls definitely care more. And I think if girls, even if they’re not in a relationship with somebody, but they have hooked up with somebody a couple times, they tend to not hook up with someone else just because they like this person. I think guys will hook up with every other [available] person [even] if they are [primarily] hooking up with one person [laughing]. [Senior, State University]

KB: Would you say that guys or girls typically have more [sex]

partners or are they about the same?

Jen: Guys. Umm, guys do.

KB: Why do you think that is?

Jen: Because they want to.

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KB: And girls don’t want to?

Jen: They don’t feel the need to as much as guys do. Because [in theory] a girl could have just as many partners as a guy, but there has to be a reason why guys have more [sexual partners] and it’s because they go after it more.

KB: So would you say that guys are more sex driven, and looking for that more?

Jen: Yeah I think that [guys] have a better ability to separate sex and feelings. [For] girls, it usually means a little bit more. It is harder to make that distinction so [girls] might be more hesitant to sleep with somebody than guys would. [Junior, State University]

Both men and women I interviewed believed that men have more sexual partners than women.5 For college women, this led to concern that men would engage in sexual intercourse without any genuine feelings for the other person. Given this concern, Jen offered advice to incoming freshman women to avoid being hurt by men who are only interested in sex: “I would basically [advise]: ‘Keep your eyes open to people and make sure you’re not stupid about the guys that you like.

You should make [sure] that they can’t pull a fast one on you. You know how [some] guys think that they are going to have sex with you one night and never calll. . . so you just have to be aware.’ ” Women’s perception of men as being focused on sex without feeling applied particularly to fraternity members. According to several of the college women I spoke with, fraternity men are “all alike” and they tend to

“use” women for sexual purposes without any interest beyond that.6

Lisa, a sophomore at State University, had this to say about fraternity men:

I don’t like the frat guys, at least a lot of them and I just think they’re all cocky and they think the world of themselves and they’re not really that cool [laughs]. To me, they’re all little spiked hair look-alike guys

. . . there’s still, I think there’s still a lot of sexism that goes on and . . .

there’s still things that need to be better. . . . I’ve seen girls kiss each other just because they want to get attention, not because they’re lesbians or whatever. And the frat guys encourage them to do stuff like that. So, stuff like that, I just think is so stupid and I mean, it’s partly the girls’ fault for wanting that kind of attention and doing whatever 82

T H E C A M P U S A S A S E X UA ll A R E N A they can to get boys’ attention. But, it’s also the guys’ fault for encouraging it and, you know, trying to get girls to do stuff like that.

In addition to Lisa, several other women believed fraternity men em-bodied the persona of the sex-driven college male. Moreover, these women believed that fraternity men mistreated women in order to maximize their sexual conquests.7

Overall, students’ perceptions on the motives of their peers were correct. In general, men are more likely to pursue women for sex and women are more likely