Hooking Up : Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus Kathleen Bogle (general ebook reader .txt) 📖

them. You know what I’m saying? Like, if you have a boyfriend at home it’s different because like you live at home [with your] mom and dad you know. You can’t be out until [whatever time] you want. You can’t do whatever you want. And here you can and I mean you’re the one who sets your own rules. But, if you have a boyfriend like oh how nice would it be if I could just like, oh I just want someone to watch a movie with right now. Or like, I just want to like go out to dinner with him. Or I just want to stay in and like hang out with him, and you can do that. Oh like, I’m going to sleep there tonight or he’s going to sleep here tonight. And like you can do that here and you can’t do that at home. And girls realize that I think more so than guys and that’s what they want. Like: “Uh, if I just had a boyfriend it would be so much better right now because like there’s nothing to do and I can just hang out with him.” You know? And um, that’s how we look at it.

KB: And why don’t guys feel the same way?

Liz: Well, maybe because they don’t like doing that kind of stuff as much as girls do. I mean some guys do I guess but for the most part I’m sure they’d rather go out and get drunk than sit at home with some chick you know and watch TV. And that’s like all I want to do [laughs].

Many women echoed these sentiments. That is, they think college women are looking for something beyond a hookup, although they do not expect “instant relationships,” either. Rather, they perceived college women as wanting to find someone with whom they could at least potentially have a relationship. Some, on the other hand, believed college women wanted a greater level of commitment by seeking a relationship with “marriage potential.”3

Despite their belief that college women were looking for relationships, the women I interviewed suggested they knew some women who would “randomly” have sex outside the context of a relationship.

Just as the college men believed that other men were engaged in more promiscuous sexual behavior than themselves, the college women believed other women were the promiscuous ones. Lisa and Lee, two sophomores at State University, are examples of this mentality.

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T H E C A M P U S A S A S E X UA ll A R E N A KB: Would you say that most students are having sex or are most stopping short of that?

Lisa: [laughs] A few of my . . . girlfriends . . . just randomly have sex with people [laughs], but I don’t do that.

Lee: One of my girlfriends is not [in a relationship] and she is very promiscuous. For her it’s just—if it feels good, do it.

That mentality.

KB: You said this one friend is promiscuous. What fits your definition of promiscuous?

Lee: Sleeping with a number of guys without having a relationship. I mean she is friends with them, she knows them, it’s not like they are random guys. But they are not her boyfriend, they don’t have any ties.

Similarly, Diane, a sophomore at Faith and a very active member of the hookup culture, explained that when she has a hookup encounter, it only involves kissing. However, she believed others take a hookup much farther sexually.

Diane: Like I won’t go home with a guy and like sleep with him that night. [But other] girls do that.

KB: Okay, what do you think other people do typically?

Diane: Typically either they go out, get drunk, hook up with a guy, go back, either have sex with him or give him like head. So like, I don’t do that either. Like my roommate does that. And like a lot of people do [but unlike them] I’m just like in charge.

In addition to looking to their same-sex counterparts on campus, college students are also interested in what the opposite sex wants. I asked both men and women what they believed about each other. According to the men, college women want three things. At a minimum, women want something more than just a hookup or casual sex. Second, some women want exclusive relationships; and, third, at least some women want to find a potential marriage partner. Ed and Kyle, both seniors at State, addressed the differences in what men and women want.

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KB: What do you think guys or girls are looking for. . . . Are they looking for relationships, are they looking for sex? What do you think they’re looking for?

Ed: I would say that guys are mostly looking for sex. And some of the girls are looking for sex, but more girls than guys are looking for relationships, but not necessarily a permanent relationship just something that’s more than just a couple hookups or casual sex.

KB: Are men and women both on the same page or are they looking for different things?

Kyle: I would say that sometimes the girls are looking for different things. One of my close friends just was going out for six months and the girl said she wanted it to move to the next level and get engaged and it scared him off. On average, more of the girls want more than just the “one and done” thing. . . .

Probably [girls want] to “go out” [i.e., become a couple].

Later in the interview, Kyle discusses whether he thinks men and women are looking for potential marriage partners during college.

KB: Do you think both guys and girls are looking for [marriage]?

Kyle: I think girls more so than guys. I know girls who come to college, and major in painting or sewing or something, to find guys, to find people to go out. They take majors that, not