How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You Leil Lowndes (nonfiction book recommendations .TXT) 📖

television to catch the end of an English rugby game being broadcast that evening. Everybody at the party thought that was taerribleidea. I winked at Charles and said, "Oh, do let's have a cup of tea first." He cracked up. I think that was the first time he noticed me.

TECHNIQUE #36:

PRIVATE JOKE

To create premature intimacy, listen carefully while your new Quarry is telling a story. Then pick out a phrase that he or she obviously relishes. Caption this favorite passage and repeat it back to your Quarry later in the conversation to make him or her feel very special. You now share a private joke, just like longtime lovers.

As with all sensitive communication techniques, you must heed a few cautions. Caution number one: Only choose events where your Quarry shines—where he or she was the hero of the story, not the buffoon.

Some people tease their friends about the time they spilled the drink, lost the keys, cracked up the car, or slipped on the banana peel. That's calledheckling , and it has the opposite effect.

Caution number two: After you hear your Quarry's story, let some time pass before you invoke the private joke for the first time. The longer the interval, the stronger the punch.

Not only does creating a private joke with a new Quarry work wonders for giving a relationship Page 135

liftoff, it also softens rough edges that surface later on. To this day, whenever Charles comes up with a suggestion I don't like, I simply say "Oh, do let's have a cup of tea first." He laughs every time. Charles enjoys my story so much that he forgets I'm disagreeing with him, and I usually get my way.

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"Oh, Honey, You Did an Absolutely Superb Job Slicing These Mushrooms"

Step three, in early conversation, is to convince your Quarry you admire him or her. Now is the time to add reinforcing statements to express approval. These little interjections are callekdudos. Let's say your hypothetical conversation now turns to jobs.

Quarry: "Yeah, I really got tired of that job, so I decided to quit."

You: "Umm, you made a courageous move

[admiration]."

Quarry: "Yeah. Well, then I took some night courses to brush up on accounting."

You: "That was wise [approval]."

Quarry: "Well, I thought so."

You: "Have you had the chance yet to use your new skills?"

Quarry: "Sure did. It landed me a job with my present firm."

You: "Wonderful, John! [using your Quarry's name]

It must be a good feeling to know that you made the right choice [empathizer]."

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As the conversation progresses, keep weaving in kudos and empathizers. Remember, kudos arenot full-blown compliments. They are simply little empathetic commendations such as: "I can see you really worked hard for that cause. That's great,"

"Sounds like you had a good handle on that situation.

Congratulations," "You saidthat ? Not many people would have had the guts," or ' You really did that?

Gosh, that's impressive."

Hunters, giving kudos may be harder for you than for women. Men, who are more competitive by nature, sometimes feel that giving compliments diminishes their own rank. On the contrary, the more popular and secure a person is, the more apt he is to give reinforcing statements. Praising others enhances your own rank.

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Additionally, women don't see compliments in terms of rank. For them, praise deepens intimacy. When you give a woman kudos, you will stand out from other Hunters. It's a rare man, indeed, who expresses admiration for the accomplishments of a woman he has just met.

Huntresses, you can be downright profligate with your kudos. What may sound like blatant fawning to you will sound perfectly logical to your Quarry's ears.

I have a half-brother, Larry, who recently married a charming older woman. A few weeks after their wedding, I invited them to dinner. Larry is a fine chef, and Regina and I decided we would be his sous chefs .

The three of us scurried around the kitchen. Regina was peeling onions, Larry was slicing mushrooms, and I was putting some water on to boil. At one point, as I was leaning over the stove, I heard Regina purring to Larry behind me, "Oh, honey, you did an absolutely superb job slicing these mushrooms. Just look at how evenly and cleanly you cut every single one."

I turned around to share a big smile with Regina at her joke, but she wasn't joking! Regina was earnestly admiring his tiny mushroom slices. Larry was the one who was smiling—actually beaming—with pride.

Regina, it dawned on me at that moment, is a very smart woman. She knew Larry prided himself on his careful kitchen

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work. I'm sure Regina's unblushing use of kudos was one of the reasons my half-brother fell in love with her and will probably stay that way forever.

TECHNIQUE #37:

CONFER KUDOS

As the intimacy progresses, add approval notes to your empathizers. Sprinkle your conversation with little phrases like "Good going," "Not bad," and "Hey, that was smart."

Huntresses, don't be bashful. Men eat it up. Hunters, force yourself to give kudos. It's a new skill for you.

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"You're Much Too Young to Remember This, But . . ."

Here is yet another way to puff up your Quarry when your relationship is still too fragile to hold a full-blown big complimentI.mplythat your Quarry is wonderful in the "incidental" part of your sentence.

Implied compliments are phrases like, "You're too young to remember this, but . . ." or "Anybody as good-looking as you wouldn't . . ." You are praising your Quarry, but not directly.

You have a choice. You can couch the implied compliment in the dependent clause of your statement, such as, "Being as smart as you are , you wouldn't fall for a scheme like that, but I did," or

"Anyone as well spoken as you could easily get right through on the phone to him."

Another way to craft the implied compliment is to insinuate your Quarry is part of some exceptional group. Say something like R" eally bright people like you often feel that way" or "Anybody as fit as you arecould do it with no problem."

You can make liberal use