Heal The Abuse - Recover Your Life Jason Goodwin (free ebook novel .TXT) 📖

order to feel good aboutmyself. I need love from myself, from others, and from God.

In the past, I tried to convince myself thatI didn’t need love. I intentionally shut myself off from the lovethat I needed by isolating myself, avoiding others, or holding ontonegative beliefs.

Is my self-esteem improving?

Yes, because I’m not sabotaging myselfanymore. I’m fighting the “I don’t care” syndrome. The words “Idon’t care” are the opposite of self-love. What I will say insteadis, “I do care, and I’m going to do this for myself. If there’ssomething I can do that’s positive and within my control, I amgoing to do it.”

We can always choose to be good to ourselves.We do have control over our own actions. We can take control overour own thoughts. We cannot abdicate responsibility by claimingthat we have no control.

When we feel encouraged, we act in positiveways. If we feel discouraged, we act in negative ways. But eitherway, we are still in control of our actions and we still have achoice!

Negative thinking can make us feeldiscouraged. We may think to ourselves, “My actions have no effecton the world. I have no control over what happens in life. I’mangry, and I just don’t care anymore. I refuse to takeresponsibility for my negative behaviors. I am going to abusemyself, sabotage myself, and neglect myself.” Negative thinkingoften leads to self-destructive, irresponsible behavior.

Positive thinking can make us feelencouraged. Sometimes we think to ourselves, “I do have controlover my actions, so I will choose to love myself, support myself,and take good care of myself. I care about the choices I make,because I am responsible for my well-being. I’m happy that I havecontrol over my own behavior. My actions have a positive effect onmy self-esteem.”

It is possible to control ourselves. When werelease the world around us, embrace ourselves, and start takingresponsibility for our own behavior, we regain what is trulyimportant in life.

Exercise17-4

Self-Esteem Affirmations

1. I love myself unconditionally.

2. I am a good person.

3. I deserve all the good things this worldhas to offer.

4. God loves me, and He/She is pleased withme.

5. I will reward myself when I do well,support myself, and ask for help when I face difficulties.

6. I am a loveable person.

7. I deserve success in every area of my life(relationships, work, and home).

8. The things I do are important to me, toothers, and to God.

9. I am a child of God, and “God doesn’t makejunk.”

Stepping Stones to Health

High Self-Esteem

-Try to identify where you are in thestepping-stones to health, and the next step or steps you need totake.

_____ 1. I feel terrible about myself.

_____ 2. I think I may have one or two goodqualities.

_____ 3. I like certain parts of myself.

_____ 4. I like myself in some ways, but Iwish I would take better care of myself.

_____ 5. I think I will take better care ofmyself.

_____ 6. I have started doing things to takebetter care of myself and treat myself well.

_____ 7. I think I deserve the good things inlife.

_____ 8. I like myself in some ways, butthere are still some parts of my personality or behavior that Idon’t like.

_____ 9. I am actively doing whatever I canto build myself up physically, mentally, emotionally, andspiritually.

_____ 10. I like myself more and more everyday.

Chapter 18 –Powerlessness

“When I dare to be powerful, to use mystrength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and lessimportant whether I am afraid.”

-Audre Lorde

Abusers are motivated by anger, but theirtrue goal is power. Why do some people seek power over others? Whatmakes an abuser so angry that they are willing to hurt anotherperson? What makes us so angry that we are willing to hurtourselves?

Power is our ability to affect other peopleand the world around us. It has been said that, “Power corrupts,and absolute power corrupts absolutely.” But I disagree. Power, initself, is neither good nor evil. Throughout history, power hasbeen used to perpetrate acts of evil, but it has also been used toaccomplish incredible good. Some of the greatest figures in historyused their power to help others.

Control is our ability to make somethinghappen or get something we want. But there are other ways we canaffect the world around us.

Terrorists blow up buildings and killinnocent civilians. While this may not give them control, they feelpowerful because they are able to affect the world in a veryvisible way.

Some people try to substitute power forself-esteem. They tell themselves, “If I can affect other people orthe world around me, that makes me important. Others will have todeal with me.”

Yet feeling important and feeling good aboutyourself are not the same thing. Real self-esteem comes frombelieving you are a good person. In this world, good people do notalways have much power, and people with a lot of power are notalways good.

Sometimes we are faced with situations in ourlives that make us feel powerless. Situations where our actionsseem to have no effect on the world. We want to change ourcircumstances, but we can’t. We wish we could change the way wefeel, because all we feel is pain. We wish we could influence otherpeople, but they refuse to change and they won’t stop abusingus.

Feelings of powerlessness are frighteningbecause power is an essential component of free will. Withoutpower, there is no way to get what we need or what we want.Powerlessness feels like screaming underwater. No one hears us andno one cares.

Powerlessness can feel like weakness. Innature, a lion gets what it wants because of its relative size andstrength. A deer is more likely to be eaten because of its relativeweakness. The natural, physical weaknesses we experience as womenor children can be exploited and used against us.

What were our abusers trying to gain? Abusersfeel powerful when they believe they are in control of anotherperson. By sexually abusing others, they wield a powerful abilityto affect another person’s life. For an abuser, feelings of powercome from controlling, influencing, and dominating a victim. Theyfeel powerful as a result of their victim’s relative weakness.

An abuser’s desire for power and control isoften an attempt to suppress deep feelings of weakness, pain, andfear within