Fulfillment Golland, M. (best classic literature TXT) 📖

“Nothing!You’ve done enough.” I turned to look at Rick. “Rick, are youokay?”

“Yes,” hespluttered.

“Good. I thinkyou should leave.”

He looked upat me, registering that I just wanted him to go. “Fine, I’ll ringMaryann and Graeme and tell them I’m coming to get the kids. Don’tworry about them. Like I said, that’s the least I can do.”

Bryce lookedat Rick then back to me, suddenly comprehending that the encounterhe walked in on was about Nate and Charli, nothing else.

He dropped hishead. “Fuck! I’m sorr—”

I cut him off.“Don’t.”

Rick got up.“I’ll let myself out.” He stopped mid-way to the door. “Alexis,again, I’m sorry for your loss.”

I looked up athim and nodded. “Can you get the kids to FaceTime me? I really needto see their faces.”

“Sure, not aproblem,” he replied, then he left.

I startedcrying again, then quickly reeled myself in, shuffling up to reachmy crutches. Bryce snatched them away.

“Give themback,” I hissed.

“No. Where doyou want to go? I’ll take you,” he pleaded.

“No, youwon’t. I just want to be alone.”

“Hunny, I’msorry. I just saw you both together hugging, and you were crying,and I fucking lost it. I thought you were both—”

“I know whatyou thought, Bryce. And if you had given me a chance I would’veexplained.” I tried to push myself up to a standing position, buthe dropped to his knees in front of me and placed his hands on myhips, holding me down.

He surrenderedand slumped his head onto my lap. “I thought Rick was grieving theloss of my baby like it was his. He has no right to grieve what Ilost.”

He broke atthat moment and sobbed into my lap. Lucy said he’d break at somepoint, this must be it.

“Oh, Bryce.” Iplaced my hands in his hair, and his hands slid to my arse grippingit tightly and hugging me like he would never let go.

We stayed likethat for minutes. I let him cry and I cried along with him.

***

Bryce and Ionce again took long uninterrupted hours to comfort each other. Wepromised we would be honest and upfront with one another about whatwe were feeling and why we were feeling it. This assurance aloneseemed to help with our grieving and healing process. Although wedid kind of keep our distance from each other for most of the day,Bryce spending time between his office and the kitchen, while Iread my book in between taking long gazes out across the skyline ofthe city of Melbourne.

I decided Iwould ring Mum as she had texted me numerous times since headingback to Shepparton. I knew she was worried about me—she was a mum,of course she was worried—so I figured I’d better ease her mindwith a phone call.

“Hi, Mum.”

“How are youcoping?” she asked, without delay.

I sipped thecup of tea Bryce had made me prior to ringing her. “I’m doing okay,Mum. More so if I don’t think about it. I know that’s not a healthyapproach, but it’s working for me at the moment, so I’m stickingwith it.”

“As long asyou don’t bury what needs repair, Alexis. Life’s problems cannot beresolved if they are buried. We bury what is finished, obsolete. Webury what we cannot restore. Grief can be overcome. It can beaddressed and alleviated. Remember that.”

“I’m notburying anything, Mum. Bryce and I have talked, and I know I haveyou, Jen and my friends if I need you. I just don’t right now. I’mcoping; life goes on. What has happened cannot be reversed. Movingforward is my only option.”

“Okay,Sweetheart. How is Bryce coping?”

Mum knew whento let things go.

“Clearly he isdevastated.” I paused for the smallest of seconds. “I have decidedto try again, Mum, but I haven’t told him yet. I’ll tell him whenthe time is right.”

“Are you sure,Alexis?” She sounded neither enthusiastic nor apprehensive.

“I want togive him a child, Mum. He deserves a child of his own.” I sipped mytea, which was now lukewarm.

“Answer mehonestly. Are you trying to give Bryce another baby because youfeel guilty and responsible for losing the one you had?”

I replied in acalm voice. “No, Mum, I am not doing this out of guilt. I’m doingit because I want to. I want another baby. I want Bryce’s baby.” Itook in a breath and let it out slowly. “Being pregnant again feltso good, so right. At first I was hesitant about having anotherchild, but I grew to love the idea. Knowing that I was going tohold another baby that I created filled me with so much joy andhappiness. I desperately want that back, so I am going to get itback. Why? Because I can and because I want to.”

I heard hersigh down the phone, but it wasn’t a bad sigh. I think it was acontent sigh.

“Very well,Darling. I just want you to be happy.”

“Don’t worry,Mum. I will be, eventually.”

I hung up fromMum after having a quick word to the kids. Apparently Nate hadhelped Dad deliver a calf.

Dad was overlyproud.

Nate said henever wanted to do it again.

And Charliecemented the fact that she definitely did not want to be aveterinarian anymore.

I smiled atthe thought of my kids witnessing and participating in a Blaxlofarming right-of-passage, then dialled Carls’ number.

“What up,Duffy?” she answered, with a playful carefree tone.

I dropped myhead. Strangely enough I did not feel sad at her pregnant stab.This was Carls, after all, and she was renowned for putting herfoot in it.

“Not up theduff anymore, Hun. I lost the baby,” I said sadly, but not sadlyenough to make her feel bad. I didn’t want to make her feel bad.Carls was Carls and I loved her just the way she was.

There wassilence on the other end then I swear I heard her sob.

“Carls? Youthere?”

“Uh huh,” shesaid.

“You alright?”I asked.

She scoffedthen sniffed her nose. “I just shamefully make a joke about youbeing pregnant when you’re no longer pregnant, and you ask me ifI’m alright? What’s fucking wrong with this picture?” She soundedangry with herself.

“Carls, howwere you to know?”

“It’s doesn’tmatter,” she sulked. “I’m a bitch, a horrible best friend.”

“You arenot...well...you are a bitch, but you are definitely not a horriblebest friend.”

“Yeah,well...I disagree. So what happened, Lex? Do you want to talk aboutit?”

“Sure. There’snot too much to say