Lauren Takes Leave Gerstenblatt, Julie (classic literature list txt) 📖

manage, flushing slightly. These spring breakersare really confusing.

“In case this wasn’t clear,” he says, his voice rising,“I came here for you.”

“But—” I start.

“And, in case this also wasn’t clear, you haven’tgiven me the time of day since I arrived. Until that intensely amazingsucking-face session, which ended with you pushing me away.” He’s angry now,his hands gesturing broadly. “Maybe I should just text you right now and you’lleagerly respond. But in person? Nada.”

His indignation makes me squirm; it’s hard to findsomething to say in response. You’re right? I lured you here and now I’mavoiding you like in some adolescent game? I’m so sorry for leading youon? I had no right to toy with your feelings like that? Look atwhat a mess I’ve made?

And then, just as Lenny starts walking away from me, Ifind my way through this emotionally foggy mess. “Wait a fucking minute,Lenny!”

This stops him dead in his tracks. He turns, his shouldersdrop. He waits. “What?”

“What? How about this!” I’m feeling some nice ragemyself now. “I. Didn’t. Ask. You. To. Come. Here. You did this, not me!”He bows his head and comes closer to me, until I’m eye-to-eye with his chest. Itake my pointer finger and star poking him with it. “I flew to Miami to avoidreal life, to get away from everyday dramas, to have a fun vacation with myfriends. Not to have sex with you! Honestly!” The music has stopped forsome reason and the whole club is staring at the two of us.

“Make some fucking noise, people!” Kat calls, just as somecheesy Top 40 starts up again.

I try again, softer this time. “We were just flirting. Ithought you knew that.” I shake my head and try to pin down all thecontradictory emotions I’m feeling, but they are on a moving target. “Butstill, I guess it’s no excuse. We’re both adults. I should have known better, Ishould have thought ahead to where flirting with you could lead.”

Lenny takes my hand away from where it has been stabbinghim and steadies it with his own two hands. “Lauren. How long have we knowneach other?” He stoops down and looks me in the eyes.

“Since second grade. I can’t do the math on that. Evenwhen I’m sober.”

“A long time. So long that I know just how bad you suck atmath. You cried after every quiz in Mr. Grady’s fifth-grade class.”

“For the record, he was an asshole.”

“Agreed. And maybe me, too. Maybe I’ve been an asshole forcoming here, for putting you in this position.”

He stops and I stare at him. “You mean, you aren’t goingto follow that up with some kind of teaser, like, ‘But if I could get you into anyposition…’”

He laughs. “I’m trying really hard to be aboveboard here,Lauren! Don’t remind me of all the dirty things I could say. That’s howwe got into this mess to begin with.”

“So…we both fucked up here?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, mostly you did.” I smile.

“I’ll accept that extra dig only because I get to hang outwith Tim Cubix and talk shop.”

“I’m going to miss flirting with you,” I say, going forhonesty. “I kind of don’t want that to be over. Bad as flirting is, for us andfor my marriage and stuff, I can’t deny that it is…really fun. Truth is, I kindof want to keep you and have my life back.”

Which I cannot believe I am admitting to anyone, least ofall Lenny, but there it is. In vino veritas.

“You dream big,” Lenny laughs. “A woman who wants it all.”He puts on a fake voice about an octave higher than his normal one. “‘Waiter,I’ll have a stable husband with a side of dirty flirting, please,medium-well.’”

It’s embarrassing, hearing your own desires splayed outlike that, spoken back to you in jest. But he’s right, of course. I tried tobend the rules to fit my whims. I craved midlife with a shot of adolescence.

“So. I can’t sleep with you. Not here in Miami. Not ever!”I exhale, perhaps letting air into my lungs for the first time since Lennyshowed up today. “Which is good! It’s feels so right not to have sexwith you.”

“I wish I could say the same,” he says.

“Can I ask you something?”

I interpret his pause as a yes and continue. “Why me, whynow?”

Lenny looks over my head like the answer is somewhere outon the dance floor and he just has to stop it from breakdancing long enough tostand still.

“Because I finally had the guts.”

I burst out into laughter. “Oh, sure! Lenny Katzenberglacked the courage to kiss me in high school! That’s a good one.”

“Lauren,” he says. “How stupid are you?”

I decide not to answer that.

“Do you remember all those times we were alone together asseniors, working on the yearbook?” I nod. “So, then, do you remember movingaway from me every time I tried to kiss you, or make any type of move?” I shakemy head.

“I thought you, like, hated me or something. That you merelytolerated my presence. You always shivered with disgust when I ‘accidentally’brushed my hand with yours as we passed the scissors and stuff back and forth.”

I roll my eyes. “I wasn’t shivering with disgust,dumbass!”

“Oh.”

“We could have been a thing!” I realize, twenty years toolate.

“Talk about your bad timing.”

Lenny and I both bow our heads in silence, sharing amelancholy nostalgia for a teenage lovefest we never got to have with eachother.

“Some things happen for a reason, I guess. Or don’t.” I smilesadly.

Lenny shrugs with his whole torso, shoulders reaching upto his ears. He holds it like that for a moment before letting the tensionrelease. “Bottom line? In the present time, even with all of this shit betweenyou and me, I’m really glad I’m here.” He kind of ruffles my hair in anuncle-ish way. “You?”

“Jury’s still out on that,” I say.

We make our way back from our heart-to-heart, strollingaround the far side of the pool in the center of the Clevelander’s courtyard.

“Do you see that?” Lenny asks, gesturing across the poolto where Jodi and Tim are seated at a round table. Although we cannot make outwhat’s being said, Jodi is clearly giving a piece of her mind to some guy