Lauren Takes Leave Gerstenblatt, Julie (classic literature list txt) 📖

sees it in my face but doesn’t make me speak itout loud. Instead, he pulls me into a brotherly hug. “Own it. Reflect on it.You’ll figure it out.”

Spoken like Dr. Grossman.

Chapter 19

Tim flags down Jodi and waves her over. He debriefs herquickly, then disappears back into the crowd, giving me a thumbs-up and a wink.

I tell Jodi the whole story, how I went in search of Lennyand how I kissed him, and how Doug and I don’t get busy very much these days. “Andwhen we do, it’s so boring and mechanical that I just don’t even see thepoint!” I blurt, my face growing hot under her scrutiny. As close as we are, myfriends and I hardly ever talk about the specifics of our marital sex lives.“And kissing Lenny was…amazing.”

“That’s your problem?” she asks. Like I’mcomplaining about a stick of bubble gum having lost its flavor. “Welcome to thereal world, Lauren! Where married people fall out of lust!”

She finds an empty stool and perches herself next to me atthe end of the bar.

“Here’s the thing,” she says. “Let’s just follow thisthrough to its end point, to the worst-case scenario, or best-case scenario,depending on how you want to look at it.”

“Best case,” I say.

“Well, best case, in your warped little mind, you andLenny fall madly in love and you have this amicable, easy divorcefrom Doug. Lenny loves your kids and you live happily ever after in somesort of Barbie Dream House version of real life.”

I’m already sad just hearing the word divorce.“That sounds more like worst case to me.”

Jodi shakes her head at me. “No way. Worst case is thesame scenario, only it’s ten or so years down the road and you realize that youno longer want to have sex with Lenny either. That he’s become your new, oldDoug.”

“But I like my old, original Doug. I don’t want to growtired of anyone else.”

Jodi reaches across the bar, grabs a maraschino cherry fromthe bartender’s garnish setup, and pops it in her mouth. “Exactly. So, my pointis, marriage gets old. It’s the nature of the beast. Lee had all this dentalwork done once and, for a while there, the thought of kissing him reallyskeeved me out. And, meanwhile, we hired this gorgeous electrician—named Fabio,I swear—and I was having all these lustful thoughts about Fabio’s plugs and mysockets and shit. So all of this is going on and I’m like, Jodi, what are yougoing to do? Have sex with the electrician? Really? Just to feela momentary charge? I mean, Lee’s a bit of a gonif, and his family is totallydysfunctional, but I love him to death. I would never want to hurt him. So,instead, I waited it out. And after Lee got his bridge permanently replaced,and he smiled at me during Lindsay’s travel soccer game one Saturday, it allcame rushing back. I felt like jumping his bones in the back of my Escalade. Ebbsand flows. End of story.”

I mentally wade through the muck of Jodi’s story until Ifind the clear stream in the middle of it. “So…I get it. It’s not Lenny!” Itell Jodi.

“Then, who is it?” she asks, confused.

“No, I mean, that’s what you’re telling me, right? It’sthe idea of Lenny.”

“Oh! Of course, that’s what I’ve been saying allalong,” she agrees, popping another cherry into her mouth.

I miss the promise of new love—or lust, at any rate. It’sthat completely unexplored, exciting, flip-flop in my stomach, first kiss,“high school high” feeling that my life has been missing.

I crave that spark that Doug and I misplaced long ago,that spark that happens when you connect with someone new, when you enter intosome territory you have not yet explored. Doug and I used to have that staticelectricity, like a feeling of being pulled by the same orbit around any roomwe were in. We loved touching each other, or even thinking about touching eachother.

Now it’s just a peck on the cheek in the morning and somevanilla sex a few times a month and on most of the major Jewish holidays.

Don’t ask.

Jodi passes me a drink and I take a sip. “Skinnygirlmargarita,” she explains. “My fave.”

I find Lenny dancing with a young blonde again. They arelaughing about something. He towers over her and has to lean down to speak toher. She stands on tippy-toes to catch his words.

Kat notices me and Jodi watching Lenny. She wavestentatively in our direction, then gives me a thumbs-down sign.

I plaster on a smile and wave back. Is she trying to tellme that Lenny is bad news? That she doesn’t like the new song that the DJ isspinning? “I’m going to fill Kat in on the drama, okay?” Jodi says. I shrug inresponse, which she accepts as my acceptance of her blabbing to Kat.

I have to wonder, could that excitement still be therewith Doug? Or is the feeling only present in the danger, in the newness, in thethis-is-not-my-husband factor of someone like Lenny?

Some young girl bumps into me and spills her drink on myshirt. “Sorry!” she giggles. A guy with a baseball cap on backward helps tosteady her and gives me a wink. I wonder if the girl’s mom knows what she’s upto tonight.

I take another sip of Skinnygirl and study Lenny.Breakdancing, charismatic, YouTube-sensation MC Lenny. He’s the life of theparty, the polar opposite of Doug.

Why won’t Doug ever dance with me? At bar mitzvahs andweddings, why does he stand against the wall, arms folded across his chest, andshake his head no? Anger bubbles up so quickly that it surprises me.

Before I know what I’m doing, I’m drunk-dialing myhusband.

“H’lo?” Doug picks up. He sounds groggy, and I realizeit’s after 11:30 at night. But now that I’ve got him, I can’t let go. My wordscome out fast and sort of slurred, but I feel a clarity I haven’t in years.

“I love to dance, Doug! You know that! When we gotmarried, you led me to believe you did, too. I thought you were a fun guy, aguy to grow old with like those couples on the dance floor that move together asone! But…you