The Tenant of Wildfell Hall Anne BrontĂ« (librera reader .txt) đ
- Author: Anne Brontë
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Those were four miserable months, alternating between intense anxiety, despair, and indignation, pity for him and pity for myself. And yet, through all, I was not wholly comfortless: I had my darling, sinless, inoffensive little one to console me; but even this consolation was embittered by the constantly-recurring thought, âHow shall I teach him hereafter to respect his father, and yet to avoid his example?â
But I remembered that I had brought all these afflictions, in a manner wilfully, upon myself; and I determined to bear them without a murmur. At the same time I resolved not to give myself up to misery for the transgressions of another, and endeavoured to divert myself as much as I could; and besides the companionship of my child, and my dear, faithful Rachel, who evidently guessed my sorrows and felt for them, though she was too discreet to allude to them, I had my books and pencil, my domestic affairs, and the welfare and comfort of Arthurâs poor tenants and labourers to attend to: and I sometimes sought and obtained amusement in the company of my young friend Esther Hargrave: occasionally I rode over to see her, and once or twice I had her to spend the day with me at the Manor. Mrs. Hargrave did not visit London that season: having no daughter to marry, she thought it as well to stay at home and economise; and, for a wonder, Walter came down to join her in the beginning of June, and stayed till near the close of August.
The first time I saw him was on a sweet, warm evening, when I was sauntering in the park with little Arthur and Rachel, who is head-nurse and ladyâs-maid in oneâ âfor, with my secluded life and tolerably active habits, I require but little attendance, and as she had nursed me and coveted to nurse my child, and was moreover so very trustworthy, I preferred committing the important charge to her, with a young nursery-maid under her directions, to engaging anyone else: besides, it saves money; and since I have made acquaintance with Arthurâs affairs, I have learnt to regard that as no trifling recommendation; for, by my own desire, nearly the whole of the income of my fortune is devoted, for years to come, to the paying off of his debts, and the money he contrives to squander away in London is incomprehensible. But to return to Mr. Hargrave. I was standing with Rachel beside the water, amusing the laughing baby in her arms with a twig of willow laden with golden catkins, when, greatly to my surprise, he entered the park, mounted on his costly black hunter, and crossed over the grass to meet me. He saluted me with a very fine compliment, delicately worded, and modestly delivered withal, which he had doubtless concocted as he rode along. He told me he had brought a message from his mother, who, as he was riding that way, had desired him to call at the Manor and beg the pleasure of my company to a friendly family dinner tomorrow.
âThere is no one to meet but ourselves,â said he; âbut Esther is very anxious to see you; and my mother fears you will feel solitary in this great house so much alone, and wishes she could persuade you to give her the pleasure of your company more frequently, and make yourself at home in our more humble dwelling, till Mr. Huntingdonâs return shall render this a little more conducive to your comfort.â
âShe is very kind,â I answered, âbut I am not alone, you see;â âand those whose time is fully occupied seldom complain of solitude.â
âWill you not come tomorrow, then? She will be sadly disappointed if you refuse.â
I did not relish being thus compassionated for my loneliness; but, however, I promised to come.
âWhat a sweet evening this is!â observed he, looking round upon the sunny park, with its imposing swell and slope, its placid water, and majestic clumps of trees. âAnd what a paradise you live in!â
âIt is a lovely evening,â answered I; and I sighed to think how little I had felt its loveliness, and how little of a paradise sweet Grassdale was to meâ âhow still less to the voluntary exile from its scenes. Whether Mr. Hargrave divined my thoughts, I cannot tell, but, with a half-hesitating, sympathising seriousness of tone and manner, he asked if I had lately heard from Mr. Huntingdon.
âNot lately,â I replied.
âI thought not,â he muttered, as if to himself, looking thoughtfully on the ground.
âAre you not lately returned from London?â I asked.
âOnly yesterday.â
âAnd did you see him there?â
âYesâ âI saw him.â
âWas he well?â
âYesâ âthat is,â said he, with increasing hesitation and an appearance of suppressed indignation, âhe was as well asâ âas he deserved to be, but under circumstances I should have deemed incredible for a man so favoured as he is.â He here looked up and pointed the sentence with a serious bow to me. I suppose my face was crimson.
âPardon me, Mrs. Huntingdon,â he continued, âbut I cannot suppress my indignation when I behold such infatuated blindness and perversion of taste;â âbut, perhaps, you are not awareâ ââ He paused.
âI am aware of nothing, sirâ âexcept that he delays his coming longer than I expected; and
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