Color Us Crazy by brea isomee (the chimp paradox .txt) 📖

being stupid .

I didn't have it in me to hear her say no .

I'd rather walk away from her than face that kind of embarrassment .

" i've gotta go . " i mumbled and sped from the class room .

What was wrong with me ? I don't know .

I just felt like i was breaking in half and nobody could do anything to repair it . Shit was just all wrong . How did things get so wrong ? Can somebody please answer that question for me ?!

I kicked up rocks outside of a corner store and continued on my way . I didn't think shit would have ever gotten that bad . But shit happens right ? I began to think that maybe it was my fault , maybe i did something , maybe i talked bad to the wrong person or fucked one too many girls .Yeah , that was it . I began to blame myself thinking it was all my fault . And maybe it was .

" yeah nigga , now what !"

My arm was snatch to the right and i was being dragged down a alley . Several dark figures were looming over me , hitting me constantly until i smashed into a brick wall .

A part of me was screaming for me to fight back , but another part of me had given up , and all i wanted them to do was give me the ass whooping that i'd probably earned .

" bitch , " one of the guys kicked me in my face sending my head flying backward into the brick wall . I could feel something cracking : It was something inside of me . Not only something in my head , but my nose as well . Blood splurted from my nose , running down my face , soaking into parts of my shirt .

But i didn't care .

" you fucked with my little brother , huh ?" Another one of the figures screamed in my face . That outburst was followed by a punched to the stomach causing me to lean forward which only got my head kicked back again .

Punches were followed by kicks , kicks were followed by smacks , and when i lay sprawled on the cold alley floor i was stomped until i lay in a pool of my own blood .

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-Trinity-

My birthday was ruined . I felt so bad .

All i wanted to do was be close to Rodney and he ran out right when i was about to say . . . yes .

Of course i was going to say yes ! If you thought i was going to say no then you're an idiot . I mean , i was 19 , about to graduate highschool , and pretty damn sure i loved Rodney . I had no reason to say no . I just , wish he would have stayed .

I never wanted to be away from him again .

Hours dragged on and passed like days . I smiled at all the birthday congragulations that people gave me and all the gifts i got but in reality i was only thinking about Rodney . All the smile were beyond fake but nobody knew that .

Even Ivory gave me a birthday present though . She didn't say anything , just handed me a brand newHTC . That brightened my day slightly . I hadn't got around to buying a new phone . I'd left mines in the locker room that night Devon had tried to attack me and i never went back to get it . In fact after that day i quit cheer leading so i wouldn't have a reason to go back to that locker room , i even skipped gym which we had twice a fucking week .

" what's wrong with you girl ?" Tammy asked as we sat at the lunch table .

I picked through my salad , moving it around on the plate " i'm just not hungry ."

"Yeah right , " she mumbled " i know that look . If this is about that Rodney boy then just let it go , " she sighed " he wasn't good for you anyways ."

I dropped my fork and stared outside from the windows in the cafeteria . It had started to rain .

-Rodney-

My eyes flew open as air flooded into my lungs . The light was too bright for my eyes but i refused to close them back . I'd just fight through the stinging in my eyes .

While my eyes were closed i'd thought the worst things and had the worst dreams . The dreams were more like shit that i wouldn't want to happen in my worst fucking nightmare . Closing my eyes only meant that i would have to go back to that , and i didn't want to .

I had a dream that i was in the woods all alone , snow was surrounding me from everyway and was damn near up to my hips but i was still moving through it . I had a flashlight in my hand searching but i'll be damned if i knew what the hell i was looking for . I kept moving , pulling my legs that fellt like thousand pound weights tied to my body . Then a hawk swept down and began to pick at my head , then another one came , and maybe 10 more after that . I ducked , i doged , i swang , but no matter what i did they kept coming back , just picking pieces from my head and torturing me slowly . And there was no way i could move fast enough to get away . I was just stuck , but i understood the dream though .

The snow was simbalizing how i felt . I felt trapped and like i couldn't get anywhere or move forward . That's how i felt .

Then the hawks picking at my head were all my problems and all my negative thoughts that were picking away at me constantly and beging me to give up .

Shit , i didn't wanna go back to that place where i felt like i had no say so in what would happen in my life . I was in control and i had to start acting like it . Just like anyone , i deserved the right to be happy and that's what i needed .

Laying in the alleyway , bleeding to death , i felt like that was where i was supposed to be but if i was still alive . . . then i must have been supposed to live and not only be alive .

The door swung open , up until then i hadn't realized i was in a room . . . or a hospital room at that .

" goodmorning , Rodney , how do you feel ?" I was asked by a man in a white coat . He looked like he hadn't slept in weeks and didn't really give a damn about how i felt , but he asked because if he didn't then his job would be some one elses .

" i'm fine ."

Just those two words sent my throat into a rage . It felt like i was trying to swallow butcher's knives and trust me , it was not a pleasant feeling .

The doctor noticed the pained expression on my face " oh , yeah , i meant to tell you not to talk . Sorry . The medicine we're giving you for the pai is pretty much sucking the moisture from your body so we're keeping an iv dripping water but . . . some placea the water won't reach ."

" thanks alot for telling me ."

" yeah , anyway , everything looks fine in here . You should be okay to leave in a few days . "

I shook my head and he turned to leave .

" hey doc , " he turned back to be " who found me ?"

" a guy , he said he'd rather be left nameless . "

I said okay and he left . I had worked my throat as much as i could , damn , that medicine was fucking with me .

But that was weird though . Who saves someone from near death and doesn't even want to be mentioned or thanked ?

Oh well , the only thing on my mind was getting better so i could . . . . see Trinity .


I woke up 2 days later feeling like brand new . Well , not exactly brand new .

The medicine still had me slightly drowsey even though they'd taken the iv's out of me sometime during the night . Whatever they'd given me was some strong shit .

Anyway , the doctor gave me the okay to leave , i'd filled out all the paper work and what not . And after taking a shower and doing the essential , i dressed . They'd given me a pair of hospital pants and a white shirt so i wouldn't have to leave with the blood stained clothes that i came in on . I was grateful for that .

I took the city bus to the school , i was sure Trinity would be there .

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-Trinity-

I thought i saw him through the morning crowd outside the school but i was sure i was just tripping because why would he just all of a sudden pop up after a few days .

I rushed into the school , avoiding everyone who tried to hug me or say hi . My mood had reached an all time low . I mean , i was still happy but i just wanted Rodney , that was it . I needed to know that he was okay and that he would always be there for me , or whatever . More than anything i had to know that he was okay .

My first few classes came and went , they weren't anything special . Forth bell i had gym and once again on my way to the gymnasim i was sure i'd seen him . But i shook the thought out of my head and just said that my mind was playing tricks on me .

I wanted to see him so bad that my mind had just . . . i don't know . I kept telling myself that i was fucking crazy to keep seeing him .

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-Devon-

I felt like a piece of shit . First i'd hurt Trinity , well , i tried to and that'd made me feel just horrible . I loved Trinity , all i wanted was for her to be happy and i realized she couldn't be happy with me and that hurt the most .

Shit , and then i hurt the man she loved .

Saying she loved him killed me a little more inside each tiem but what could i really do . That was who she wanted .

Rodney .

Stomping his face in while he lay in a pull of his