His Sanity by Mirah Selim (great book club books .txt) 📖

Author Pov

Catelin's breath hitched seeing so much hurt in his eyes. He wasn't looking the aggressive Lucifer she used to know. His eyes were brimming with tears but being the angry man he is, he didn't let them out.

"Was it fun? Was it fun playing with me all this time? Was it fun to fool me? WAS IT FUN TO FAKE YOUR FUCKING CARE? " She flinched in her place as her eyes dropped to the floor.

He was misunderstanding her but she knew he was right too. For him, she indeed faked all care just to get the truth out. But only Catelin knew everything she did for him was genuine.

Lucifer pulled his hair harshly growling at how stupidly he believed her. He trusted her every word and this. This is what he got in return.

"I trusted you." He mumbled making her look up at him with teary eyes.

His glaring eyes met her teary ones as he took angry and fast steps towards her. Grabbing her arms in a hard painful grip he jerked her body towards his.

"I want to hurt you. I want to hurt you so badly for fooling me but I can't fucking do that too." He sneered on her face making her shut her eyes.

"I can't even see you in pain." He whispered dropping his forehead against hers making her sob out.

"Why? Why can't you just accept me being in him? Why?" He whispered as his voice broke in the end. Catelin squeezed her eyes letting the tears meet her cheeks.

He loves her so much that it hurts him to even do any damage to her. He wants to hurt her. His aggressive psycho side wants to punish her badly. He wants to hurt her to make her understand that she's equally his.

But the thought of seeing tears in her eyes because of him. Seeing her in pain because of him stops him. He can't hurt her. He just has no strength in him to hurt her.

Suddenly his eyes darken as he squeezed her arms. He walked forward making her step backward at a fast pace. Her back touched the door and in an instant, his lips came crashing against hers.

He kissed her roughly while grabbing her both wrists and slamming them on the door beside her head. She whimpered feeling him biting the side of her lips.

He shoved his tongue in her mouth making her gasp out at how rough he was. She kept her eyes shut. Neither did she resist him nor reciprocate the kiss.

He finally let go opening his eyes. He watched how tears were continuously touching her cheeks. He clenched his jaw watching the blood on her lower lip and he knew he was the reason.

He left her wrists and suddenly Catelin's eyes snapped up in shock when he started punching the door beside her head growling out in anger making her gasp out.

"Lucifer stop please!" She tried to grab his wrist but instead, he grabbed her both wrists and pinned them above her head using one hand.

She closed her eyes in horror turning her head away when he kept on punching the door. Then she heard the crack sound. He stopped punching and she turned her head to see what he had done. There was a crack in the wooden door.

She turned her wide shocked eyes at him only to find no pain in his eyes. His knuckles were bleeding but he felt no pain. He stared into her teary eyes with his bloodshot ones. Madness was dripping down his eyes.

"You know doll I am not disappointed that you lied all this time." He whispered leaning against her face.

" I am hurt." He grabbed her chin with his bruised hand as his other hand was still pinning her hands above her head. Her nose touched his. They both kept eye contact.

"It hurts so much that I actually thought you have accepted me. You accepted me the way I am. But no you're also like everyone else. You want a perfect normal Lucifer. You don't care about me. About us. You only care about fulfilling your promise. You are selfish just like everyone else." He mumbled heartbrokenly.

She shook her head desperately. "Please Lucifer I swear I never faked anything. I am telling you the truth. I just want to help you. I never lied when I said I have accepted you. Because all of this is inside you. These personalities are the part of your body. I just want to help you to have control over them."

Lucifer chuckled psychotically leaving her body completely and stepping back. He glared at her before grabbing the piece of the broken vase near the door. He looked at her with his bloodshot eyes.

Catelin thought he might hurt himself but instead, he walked towards her portrait and started slashing it. He was letting his anger out. But not on her.

He wanted to hurt her and this was the only way he could do so without doing any damage to her. He destroyed her portrait and indeed it worked. Catelin stared at him with tears dripping down her eyes.

"From now on I don't love you anymore. I don't love you." He mumbled breathing heavily. Her lips parted in shock. She had indeed hurt him so much.

"You don't deserve my love. You're selfish. You deserve someone like yourself." Catelin bit her inner cheek stopping the sob that was begging to get out of her throat.

"L-Lucifer. I love you."

She finally let out the feelings she had hidden for years. She didn't want to tell him but right now she didn't want him to misunderstand her feelings, her care towards him.

Lucifer froze in his place. His back was still facing her. This was the first time when she didn't say those words just to calm the kid Lucifer. But she confessed her love for a man.

"I really lov---" She gasped out when he threw the piece of the vase on the floor turning to her. He started laughing like a manic making her step back.

"Now is this new way to manipulate me?" Her lips parted in pure despair. He took her love as fake too. He didn't believe her love for him.

"Lucifer I swear I am not ly--" Lucifer held his hand up to stop her.

"Save the fucking lies for someone else. I will not believe you anymore. You lied to all of us. You are just a liar for me from now on." Catelin's shoulders slumped down in defeat. She never thought this way she will confess her feelings and this way she will be rejected.