His Sanity by Mirah Selim (great book club books .txt) 📖

Author Pov

Catelin stared at the clear sky with sadness dripping down her eyes. She wasn't able to sleep. Her mind was stuck on the words Trevor told her. She was crossing her arms against her chest standing behind the railing of the balcony blankly staring at the shiny moon.

Why doesn't she feel any happiness or relief when she heard the way Lucifer can be cured? Why does she feel so uncomfortable at the thought of getting rid of his disorder?

It's not like she has changed her mind. She will never but she knows the moment he will be cured their moments together will come to an end. And that's scared her.

The selfish side of her mind doesn't want to get rid of his disorder and wants to hold him the way he is. She didn't want to let go of him and the mere thought of him healing and their relationship coming to an end saddens her.

But she was sane enough to not let her selfishness get to her. Suddenly her mind went to the time she met Trevor. This morning she went to meet him and luckily kid Lucifer appeared that time and she was able to put him to sleep.

Flashback

"And that's it. This is the only way we can cure him." He said making her sigh heavily the plan was risky and painful too.

"I know you're thinking that it's risky but there is no other way. His biggest insecurity started where he needed to protect himself and now we will end it by again making him protect someone but except him, his other fake personalities wouldn't be able to do anything."

Hearing Trevor's words she bit her lower lip. Trevor noticed her expressions and then something hit his mind.

"What happened Cate?" He asked her making her shake her head.

"Nothing I am just worried." Trevor stared at her for some time.

"Are you getting used to his every personality? " This caught her off guard. She looked up shaking her head.

"No, it's not like that--"

"It is obviously like that. And I have guessed it the moment I told you that we have found a way to cure him. There was no happiness or relief in your voice. And right now too you are not happy. " Catelin took a sharp breath.

She was guilty. Guilty for not wanting him to be cured but she wouldn't let her heart get away with such a selfish wish.

"Yes, I have started liking his every personality I don't know how?" She said making him stare at her with sad eyes.

"His Normal personality knows how to calm my anger, how to be soft with me. His Kid personality makes me want to cherish him, to handle him with only softness. His Aggressive personality gives me a sense of protection, it makes me want to handle his mood swings and tantrums. His every personality has become so special to me that it's becoming hard to betray him and cure him in such a painful way."

She said those words while staring at the table. His every personality flashed in front of her eyes making her feel guilty for wanting to not change him and be with him the way he wants her to.

"Catelin I can understand you. I will say one thing." Catelin looked up at him as he stared into her eyes seriously.

"Don't forget that you're not just the woman Lucifer loves. But you're his last hope to be sane again. You're the last hope of his parents as well. If he never wanted help then he wouldn't have told you about his past but he did. Which means he wants to get help. He wants to be cured that's why he even asked me to help him when I fought with him. He needs help Catelin and it's all in your hands now."

Flashback Ended

Catelin sighed closing her eyes. His words weren't wrong. Lucifer wants help and he had proved it many times already and by letting her heart rule her she will do injustice to him.

She walked towards his room opening the door. He was sleeping as it was nearly midnight. She walked closer to him and took a seat beside him on the bed.

"I am sorry." She mumbled as she forwarded her hand and brushed her fingers in his hair. She smiled when he snuggled in her hand.

Tears started blurring her gaze remembering the chances of her being near him might end this night. Her lower lip wobbled as she clenched her jaw to not make any sound.

"Forgive me, my love." She whispered as her voice cracked up in the end.

"I wish I could be selfish but maybe this is our fate." Leaning to his face she kissed his forehead shutting her eyes off. A lone tear escaped her eyes falling on his cheek.

She softly wiped his cheek and smiled sadly. She took a deep breath before nodding at herself. She needs to do this. She has to.

Morning came and there sit on his bed Lucifer stared at the wall-length portrait of his love. His eyes held pain and anger. The heart of his aggressive side for the first time felt pain.

He roughly removed the blanket and started pacing back and forth in the room. He clutched his hair pulling them harshly.

"Ahhhh." He screamed at the top of his lungs grabbing the table and slamming it right on the floor in anger.

"WHY? WHY? FUCKING WHY?" He roared grabbing whatever his hand held and slamming it on the floor.

The door of the room got slammed open as Catelin gasped out in horror. She had a tray in her hand. She placed it on the bed and ran towards him.

Before she could touch him he took a step back. Her eyes met his and air got knocked out of her system.

His eyes were bloodshot the lining of his eyes was gleaming red while the white space of his eyes was showing his veins indicating his anger and sadness.

"Don't touch me!" He sneered lowly staring at her with his glassy glaring eyes.

Catelin's breathing got heavier not understanding what was happening to him. She again tried to touch his hand but he stepped back throwing her an accusing glare.

"No. No more lies. Drop this act of yours already."