Standing Close To The Edge(Finished) by Danielle Palmer (best summer reads txt) 📖

I shrugged my shoulders. “I don't know. Like I like him but I just met him. You know?” She nodded her head in acknowledgment so I continued “I've only ever loved one guy in my life and that was Eli. He never knew cause I never got the chance to tell him before he died. I regret it.” She looked at me with sorrow in her eyes. I looked back down at my food and ate little bites.
“So you love Zayn?” I looked back at and quickly shook my head. “Why do you say that?” She smiled like she knew something I didn't. “You said you've only loved one other guy.” My jaw fell open before I quickly closed it. She was right. I did say that. I didn't love Zayn though right? It was to early. Plus I don't even know if he likes me back. “No I only like him.” She went to reply but she stopped and her mouth made an 'o' form. I felt a tap on my shoulder and I slowly turned around. The body guard stood behind us. His arms folded across his chest. “Shit.” I mumbled under my breath. I sighed and picked up my food.
“I'm told to bring you back to the hotel.” I nodded and threw away my food. Danielle threw hers away to and fell into step next to me. I looked at my phone and notice 6 missed calls. One from all the guys and one from Paul. Danielle showed me her phone and she had 6 calls from them all to. “Great. We're in trouble.” I muttered to Danielle. She sighed and agreed. We followed him out the mall and down the street. The paparazzi were back so we had to go through the back of the hotel. I tried walking slower so it would take longer to get there but he just got madder. I gave up and walked into the elevator. It felt like forever till w finally got to our level. We tried to go to our suite but were informed we had to go see Paul first. Double great.
“There you two are.” Paul said when we walked in the door. “Here we are. Perfectly fine.” I motioned to both of us to show nothing happened. He made us sit on the couch before the lecture started. “Look before you yell at Danielle. It wasn't her idea. I decided we should ditch him.” He looked at Danielle who was looking at me. “Is that true Danielle?” She looked at me then back at him. “Yeah but I still went along with it.” He looked at her and pointed at the door. “Don't do it again.” She nodded, got up, and walked out the door. “Adrian what did I say you had to have if you left?” I looked at him and raised my eyebrows. Is he serious? “A body guard but-” He cut me off. “No buts. You didn't stay with a body guard.”
“I understand that but-” He went to cut me off but I stopped him. “-why? I'm not famous and Danielle might be dating Liam but it's not like were going to get mobbed by a whole group of screaming fans. They may want our autographs but their not going to kill us.” He scratched the back of his neck and sighed. “I guess. I was just trying to make sure things don't get out of control because I know you got hate. From now on the only time there will be body guards with you guys is if your in a group. We'll just be on call in case.” I smiled and hugged him. He laughed and told me I could go. I happily grabbed my bags and walked across the hall to our suite.
“What happened?” Danielle asked as I walked into the living room. Everyone was sitting in there watching tv and eating. I walked over to the only empty seat which was in between Zayn and Niall and sat down. “Well we don't need a body guard following us around all day anymore. Only when were in a group.” She smiled and we did an air high-five. “Wait. What? Do we still have to have a body guard?” Niall asked. I shrugged my shoulders. He jumped up and walked out the door. Zayn, Harry, and Louis followed after him. I scooted over to the edge of the couch and laid my head on the side. I heard whispering and looked up at Liam and Danielle. Liam was looking at something on his phone and Danielle was trying to get it away from him. She saw me looking and she looked sad.
Liam looked over at me, back at his phone, and back at me again. I noticed it wasn't his phone, it was Danielle's. He jumped up and before I knew it he had a hold of my arm and was pulling up my sleeve. I tried pulling my arm away but he wouldn't let go. “Liam let her go.” Danielle grabbed his hand and made him let go of my arm. I pulled down my sleeve as the tears stung my eyes. “I thought you deleted them.” I whispered at Danielle. “Not my phone.” Liam was sitting on the table in front of me his hand covering his mouth. This is just wonderful. I put my head in my hands and let the tears fall. “Is that why you always wear long sleeves?” Liam whispered.
“Is what why she always wear's long sleeves?” I looked over and saw the guys had come back, except for Zayn, from Paul's room. Not at the right time either. “Where's Zayn?” Liam asked. “He went out with Perrie.” Niall said. None of them took their eyes off me. “Whose Perrie?” I asked no one. Oh wait. She was the girl from Lil Mix that everyone though was dating Zayn. I didn't know they still hung out. How could I think I could even compete with her. I shook my head when no one answered. They knew it to. Danielle hit Niall and sat next to me. “You wanna tell them?” Liam asked. I looked at him confused. He was seriously going to make me tell them.
My heart started pounding in my chest as they sat around me. I put my head in my hands and silently cried. “Just show them love.” Liam whispered. He slowly pulled my hands off my face and looked at me with comforting eyes. I nodded my head and closed my eyes has he pulled up my sleeve. Of course it wasn't the worst one but it still had about 20 good sized already healed cuts. Danielle grabbed my other arm and I looked at her in horror. What is she doing? She's supposed to be on my side. She pulled up my sleeve and showed it to Liam. I could feel everyone staring at me, well my arms. The door opened and I quickly pulled down my sleeve. I could hear Zayn talking to someone as they walked in the door. I already knew it was Perrie. I cleared my throat before talking, “Um.. I'm just going to bed. I'll see you guys tomorrow.” So no one would protest I quickly got and walked out the room. I walked into my room and shut the door putting my back against it.
Everything hit me like a ton of bricks as I slide down the door. My dads heart attack and having to hold him while he took his last breath. The memories of my kidnapping. Getting beat, not being able to eat, the raping. All the times my mom put me down. Calling names, throwing things at me, telling me I'm worthless. Then watching Eli with another girl even though I loved him and it was killing me. I had to let him be happy. He was dieing even though it was slowly killing me. Now it was happening all over again. Who am I kidding I could never make Zayn happy.
My chest tightened and I couldn't help but choke on my sobs. The memories were now vivid pictures in front of me. I slowly crouched next to my suitcase and struggled with the zipper. I finally got it open and searched for my escape. Finally finding the small box I pulled it out with shaky hands. I pulled out one of the many razors and smiled. “Adrian!” Someone yelled. The razor was pulled out of my hands and I lost hope as the memories sucked me in. I fell to my butt and grabbed my head with both hands, never opening my eyes. Someone pulled me into their arms and I instantly knew who it was. “It's ok.” Harry whispered softly. I would have never guessed he would be the one to come in here. Then again he always seems like he wants everyone to be happy.
I was finally all cried out 10 minutes later. Harry was still rocking back and forth and humming. “Thank you.” I whispered quietly into his chest. I pulled away from him and whipped my cheeks. “Of course.” I smiled and I smiled back. “Can we talk about it so you can feel better and not want to harm yourself?” I looked at him and he looked back at me in a caring way. “What do you want to know?” I asked as I played with my sleeves. “How about you started from the beginning.” He tapped my wrist and I instantly knew what he was talking about. Basically why I started cutting.
“I don't know.” I whispered. “How about I tell you something I never told anyone and then you know you can trust me.” It seemed like a good idea so I nodded my head and he continued. “I was going to ask out Danielle before I knew Liam liked her. I saw the way he looked at her and I guess I just let him have her. It turned out to be for the best. They really love each other.” My eyes widened and he laughed. “So you don't like her anymore?” I asked. He though about it for a sec and then replied. “I found out I never really liked her. She was more Liam's type anyway.” I nodded my head showing I understood. Maybe I should let Perrie have Zayn. There's just one problem. I really do like Zayn. I know for a fact. Great now I'm even more confused.
“Your turn.” Harry says bring me back to reality. I sigh and started from the beginning. I told him everything. Never once meeting his gaze. I ended up even telling him about Zayn. How I want him to be happy but I liked him. Maybe even loved him. The only probably was I'm so screwed up in the head that I could never make him happy. He never once interrupted me and it felt good. Having someone actually listen without making fun of you. Even at my therapist it seemed like she wasn't listening. She just wanted her money but with Harry it felt like I could instantly trust him. Like he was my brother and was always going to be there and I wouldn't ever have to have my guard up around him. Like he truly cared.
When I finally finished I felt like I could finally breath. Like there was a weight off my shoulders. I slowly looked up and saw tears streaming down Harry's face. I whipped his tears and he smiled at me. He pulled me in for a hug and I gratefully hugged him back. “What you went through was horrible. I'm so sorry. I can't say that I know what your going through cause I don't but I know it will get easier. If you ever feel like you need to