Kerplunk - It's Over!! by A.W., H.R. and Our Girlfriends (i can read with my eyes shut txt) 📖

was a repeat offender) and it seemed that my husband was going down that same path. All of a sudden other addictions began to surface (alcohol, porn). He kept daring me to divorce him – he knew I did not believe in divorce." – Grace, 33
"I was standing in the garage and my husband was inside the house. I answered my cell phone and it was a detective who told me that the IP address to the house (in my name) was the source of credit card fraud. I found stolen goods hidden in the basement, garage and the trunks of his cars. When I asked him about stolen goods, he became very angry and then violent. He started to drink a lot and that made him more violent. I realized that I had no idea who my husband was. I was so sad and hurt." – Leah, 32
“We had been married several years. I knew he was not the most nurturing, but I had chalked it up to just being a guy. One day we had planned to complete a big landscaping project for an upcoming party. I suddenly came down with food poisoning and was completely incapacitated with nausea, vertigo, vomiting, and diarrhea. I had to crawl from the bed to the toilet. He was so angry with me for getting sick. He would stomp into the bedroom or the bathroom, where I was collapsed by the toilet and grunt "UGH! Come on? We have to get this project done today. Get over it, already. You can't be that sick. You just don't want to help me." During the 10 hours of throwing up and crying from feeling like total death he never once showed any sympathy or care for me. He was pissed that I was not complying with his agenda." – Margaret, 43
"Within the 1st year he became increasingly abusive and started begging me to get into a swingers lifestyle I did not want to be part of. Of course I was madly in love with this man so I tried to make it work –and tried, and tried. You want to believe them that the abuse won’t happen again, but it always does. It takes so long to find the strength within yourself to break the cycle and get out."
– Cheryl, 36

On average it takes 7 attempts before a victim successfully leaves her abuser. -National Coalition for Domestic Violence

"After the first year, he shut me out physically and emotionally. I found out that he had a secret life (gambling, cheating, cocaine and marijuana use) that he did not want me to confront him about or help him escape from." – Chloe, 26
"My husband was the one pushing for the divorce. He had Parkinson’s disease and became totally disabled within a couple of years after being diagnosed at the age of 40. He had brain surgery in order to help with the tremors. The surgery caused him to become bipolar. He decided he didn’t want to be married to me anymore; ignoring the advice not to make life-changing decisions from his doctors, clergy, friends and family. In the long run, though, it was the best move for both of us. We’re friends now and, I believe, better parents for our son…God does work in mysterious ways." – Vicky, 50
"I did not want to end the marriage. His reasons to call it quits: he was unhappy, that I was a bitch, and he didn't love me anymore. He was doing drugs daily, dating on the Internet, looking at LOADS of porn, and said he'd rather smoke POT than be married to me." – Paula, 39
"I simply didn’t love him anymore. He was an alcoholic and had become controlling and verbally abusive." – Christie, 25
"The first few years of our marriage I was finishing undergraduate work, going to law school, and then working for a very large international law firm that allowed me to travel in style on a regular basis – which masked a lot of things back on the home front. However, when I changed firms and was pretty much home all the time, and especially when our son was born, it became very evident that I would never have the partner that a spouse /co-parent should be. My husband quickly came to the conclusion that he was waaaaaaay too cool and important to ever deal with the mundane details of home life and parenthood. He completely unraveled. While he had always had a pretty big streak of irresponsibility in him, he became really outrageous. I strongly suspected that he wanted out but didn’t have the guts to walk – like everything else, he was going to make me do the heavy lifting even on this!" – Penny, 52
"It was after 2 years. I was very lonely, drained and realized that I did not have a relationship with my husband. He kept pushing me down. My cup was empty and I had nothing else to give. It wasn’t a matter of whether we’d divorce; it was a matter of when." – Debbie, 55
"I felt smothered and controlled. I didn’t realize it FULLY until after we were separated, but normal couples did not communicate throughout the day as often as Ex demanded that I communicate/be tethered to him. He called me ALL THE TIME to vent, to check in, to plan, to check up on me. I thought it was just the way married people were. I didn’t know any different. We had been together since I was 18! I also took his verbal and physical abuse because I didn’t know any better." – Sharon, 40
"The marriage was not working and there was abuse. Decades ago, there were no Domestic Violence Centers so I had to come up with a plan. It turned out I needed a 2-year plan; I needed to provide for my children. I had to educate myself, come up with a marketable skill, find a job, get hired, open a bank account, put a roof over our head and put food on the table. After 2 years, I did it! I did it for my kids and they now all have long term happy marriages!" – Liz, 60


Domestic Violence is abuse between a former or current intimate partner.
- National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

"In retrospect, the marriage was beginning to “go south” within the first five years. We started seeing a counselor because we were just drifting so far apart." – Ashley, 46
And on a positive note…
"I knew in my heart the day I got married that it would not last. I was surprised that it lasted as long as it did. We didn’t fight. We were friends, but once we realized that we simply were not in love, we were both relieved to know that the other was ready to amicably end our marriage. We’re still friends. We still enjoy going boating, to dinner, to concerts with our new spouses. Some people think we are weird. I think it is wonderful! – Suzanne, 41

"Right after I had my son things changed. My husband was never home. He didn't want me and definitely didn't to be part of our child's life." – Brooke, 24

And on a positive note…
“As the years went by we both knew we were not right for each other. One day we held hands and looked into each other’s eyes and asked one another “Are you getting what you need?” and we were not. We knew the other person could not provide what we were looking for so we calmly and amicably divorced. It did not feel like a divorce. We still spend time together and both of us have since remarried. As a matter of fact my ex-husband and his wife are coming to town and spending the weekend with my husband and me and we are all looking forward to it.” – Laura, 57
“I was sick of not being able to hear my own thoughts. I was sick of the voice in my head, guiding my choices and dreams being HIS voice. There was no me in our life. As long as he got what he wanted, and as long as we kept up the perceived perfect life then my life was allowed to be somewhat smooth. When I bucked his mental control, the physical abuse began." – Jackie, 37


A Common Tale: You or Someone Like You

"I was pretending to be happy. I pretended that we were the happy family, perfect house and perfect kids. It looked great from the outside. Behind closed doors my husband would say, “You are not skinny enough (I was 5'6"/128 pounds). You are going to be fat like your mother. Be a better housewife. (I did most of the yard work, housework, filled our social calendar). You need to WANT to enjoy cooking more. Be more of an athlete (I worked out every day and ran an 11 minute mile). You are not sexy enough. You don’t like sex enough. You don’t give me enough sex. (I would engage and be more risqué in bed.) You like sex too much, why are you so sexed up all of a sudden? (I would dial back the sex kitten act for him.) I like the attention you get from other men; it makes me proud you are mine. (He would ask me to stand at the bar and let men try to pick me up; then he would swoop in and assert his possession of me.) You get too much attention from other men; you are going to cheat on me if you aren’t already! You don’t give me enough attention. (I can’t win for losing, can I?) You are stupid to have faith/believe in God. You ruined our life and chance at wealth when you chose that other career when you had the opportunity. You need to be a more powerful business woman. You need to aspire to be more in your career. You spend too much time on your job. You need to make more friends for us. You need to plan more parties for us; what are we doing this weekend? Why haven’t you called anyone to come hang out with us? AURGH! I was tired of being told who I was supposed to be and I finally saw that he was never going to stop playing cat and mouse, so this mouse, through much heartache, soul searching and a lot of faith in God, became a lion and clawed her way to freedom."
– Kate, 38
Domestic Violence is not only about violence,
it is primarily about power and control.
- Chief John Guard, IV, Chief of Community Operations,
Pitt County, NC Sheriff’s Office


"It was a total surprise to me that he was not happy and he was not showing it. I was very happy. He said he did not love me and didn’t want to be married to me anymore. While I was at work, he rented a U-Haul and took almost everything. He left me with an almost empty house, 2 kids, no money because it turned out that he