Kerplunk - It's Over!! by A.W., H.R. and Our Girlfriends (i can read with my eyes shut txt) 📖

he know? “I have a keystroke manager installed on that computer. I see everything you do”, he said, “And don’t bother to clear the history, I see that too.” This set me back for a few weeks. Then I realized I could access the Internet at the public library. I confided in a neighbor and she let me borrow her laptop while I was home alone. I set up a separate Gmail account and continued to get my Action Plan in order.”
– Brianna, 43
“My husband of 20 years told me to trust him; he paid all of the bills on-line and did everything on the computer. I was never very technical so he even gave me my email. Even when he was away traveling on business, he would be checking my email and calling. How could I not see what was wrong with this picture?” – Maeve, 52

4. Buy a No-Contract Cell Phone
If you share a cell phone account with your husband, and you want to keep your legal business on the down low, then we think you should promptly purchase a “pay as you go” cell phone. TracFone® is a good brand and easy to find at most Wal-Mart’s, Target’s or Walgreens. The phones range from $10 - $30 and you purchase “minutes” gift card-style in increments of 60 minutes +. These are no contract phones. When you activate the service for it, you are given a phone number. As long as you continue to add minutes to use the phone, the phone number will be valid. This may feel too stealthy for you, but if you want to keep your plans private, you will need a separate cell phone from your husband. Otherwise, he can tap into your joint account and view calls, texts and messages. Just saying….
"We shared a cell phone plan. He was the one having the affair and yet I was the one under surveillance! Each night he would log onto our cell phone account website and review every number I had called that day. If he didn’t recognize a number, he would call to see who answered! After I hired an attorney and began planning the divorce, I bought a no-contract cell phone. It was the smallest black phone I could find. I slit the black lining in the side of my computer bag and hid it there. Now, I cannot imagine how I ever survived under those controlling conditions.” – Kara, 42

5. Gather all important personal documents (and get copies of his too!)
Where is your birth certificate? Your passport? How much money do you and your husband have jointly in stocks or mutual funds? How much money is in his 401K? How much is in yours? Is there an open home equity line on your home? How much life insurance do you each have and who is the beneficiary? Where are your wills and how current are they? Is your name on the car titles or his? What about the mortgage, the utilities, your daughter’s college loan? If you don’t currently control the home “office”, then get control now. You need account numbers, account balances, usernames, passwords, addresses, phone numbers, and websites.
Begin collecting this mass of information because it might take awhile to find all of it. Reminder - you may need to be covert. Get a notebook and a file folder to store the information. If you have a Smartphone with a Vault Application, store the content in your password protected phone file. You are going to need copies of important documents like your birth certificate and your kids’ too. Health insurance cards, passports, social security cards (make a copy of his while you are at it), 401K statements, investment portfolios, the deed to your house and any other property you own (the ski boat, the motorcycle, the timeshare in the Caymans, the summer cottage). Are you leasing a car? Is it in his name or yours? Find out! Be prepared to handle everything as a business transaction. This is your life, your money, your future. He is the partner in this business of your life...and now you are dissolving the company.
We see that look on your face. You, like so many of our girlfriends, feel you have no privacy in your own home. You can't keep a journal because he will read it. You are afraid to collect data pertaining to your pending separation because you have no where safe to hide it. It is truly a sad, sad state of affairs to have no safe place in your own home. Perhaps you can stash documents at your office? Can you trust a neighbor or a girlfriend to allow you to keep a cardboard box of important papers at their house? Get creative. You have to be able to prepare your files with the separation information. Some of our girlfriends found ingenious means of protecting their personal papers.

"I was so afraid of him. I was afraid that he would find that I was building a case to leave him. I was afraid that he would get my keys and ransack my office and find any info I had stored there. So I divided my documents up and stored them in separate places. I had some files at my therapist's office. I left some with my attorney. I also kept some under lock and key in a co-worker's office."
– Brooke, 27
"I had zero privacy at home. My husband looked through my computer bag, my purse, my car, my gym bag. He told me that if I tried to password protect my laptop and Blackberry® that it meant that I was hiding stuff from him. I had to find a way to safely smuggle documents from the house, from my attorney to my office where I had a secure hiding place. So I slit the black lining in my big purse and could discretely slip documents between the lining and the outside wall of the purse. When you peek inside a purse with black lining, you can't see anything but black. Desperate needs make for desperate measures." – Kara, 42

"For 12 years of marriage I wasn't even able to keep a private diary or journal without him snooping in it and then questioning me about what I had written there! Both my attorney and counselor told me to keep a log of his actions and my plans for the separation. Where was I supposed to hide it? I confided in a neighbor and she had the best plan. She told me to put the journal in a gallon Zip-Lock® bag and hide it under the seat cushion on her front porch furniture. That way I could grab it any time of the day or night." – Sheryl, 36

"I needed to make copies of our legal documents, bank statements, and stock portfolio information. We didn't have a copier at home. When my husband was away on business trips, I would tell the kids I was going out for a quick 30 minute walk around the neighborhood. I would shove the documents inside my sweatshirt and hike up to the model home. I made friends with the on-site sales person and she allowed me to make copies there." – Angela, 36

6. Take inventory of your marital assets
Whether you really go through with the divorce or not, if it affects your life and your name is tied to it, you need to know all the details. Get organized and take control of your life right now. If you are committed and full steam ahead on the Action Plan there is another reason you must have all this information. You need to take inventory of your household possessions and assets. When you file for separation/divorce you will both have to complete an Equitable Distribution of Property form.
Equitable distribution is the statutory (legal) means of dividing marital assets and debts upon divorce. The process of equitable distribution has three parts: 1) categorizing property as marital or separate; 2) evaluating the property and; 3) distribution. Equitable distribution applies to all property, income, debts, and other assets that were accrued by either party during the course of the marriage.
Please note: this task is much easier to accomplish while you are still in the marital residence! If you move out, and there is drama between you and your honey, you may have to make this list entirely from memory. “Now what was in that orange Rubbermaid® storage container to the left of the fake Christmas tree in the basement? Was it his high school yearbooks or my Aunt Hattie’s crystal stemware?” Everything in your house has value. Make a list and assign it a cost. A wise attorney advised us not to assign high-dollar costs to items hubby might want in the split just to piss him off. It’s best to value everything as if you were going post it on Craigslist to get rid of it. Don’t make this harder than it already is by jacking up the prices on his fishing gear and low-balling your family heirlooms. Believe us, it’s not worth the fight over material goods when your sanity is a risk!
You will note all of your financial assets; both individual and jointly owned in order to determine who gets what when you split. It also is the financial gauge for alimony or spousal support. You will note your monthly/annual income. You will list your monthly household expenses (water, gas, electricity, cable, mortgage, rent, etc). You will also list your monthly personal and recreational expenses for you and for the family (magazine subscriptions, gym memberships, monthly manicure budget, haircuts, little Sally’s tutor and Johnny’s piano lessons). You will have to itemize everything of value in your home. From your cherished wedding china to the new iPod® Touch he gave you for Christmas last year; from your wedding rings to the Weed Eater®. Itemizing your life in an Excel spreadsheet and assigning value to every last thing taking up space in your house is tedious and terrible and a total pain in the ass. Most of our girlfriends had not idea that this was coming. Now you will be prepared!
If you own property, multiple vehicles, boats, time-shares, and you are uncertain of their exact value, then seek professional help in discovering and estimating their true value. Your attorney can best direct you on this matter.
“It took me 6 months to collect all the information I needed to feel prepared to leave Ex. I did not have control of the household finances, property, anything really. When he would leave to go away on business, I would ferret through the office files for statements, titles, deeds, property insurance information, anything I could get my hands on. I would send the kids over to a neighbors’ house to play and then dash out to Kinko’s to make copies of what I had found. I would store the mounting collection of documents at my sister’s house.” – Nikki, 32
“Even for a CPA, it was not an easy form to fill out.” – Patti, 29

He who controls the money holds the power.

7. Recruit Your Own Personal Fan Club
It is crucial that you have your support system in place before you set forth on this life-changing mission. You need a confidante who can be your cheerleader, your support, and your level head when you might not be thinking so clearly. Will you need a safe place (day and night)