Deranged Lust by Tina Mahnam (heaven official's blessing novel english .TXT) 📖

the past drivers. He held both my hands and made me look into his sad eyes, "What makes you think I'll ever do that?" His voice was defeated. It hurt my heart to see how much my actions had an impact on him. I don't want to hurt him. No matter how bad a person can be, I didn't have the emotional solidity to hurt them, because knowing that I hurt them would never wash the guilt away.

"Because I'm not okay. I'm not the Rebecca you fell in love with. I'm so much worst now, I don't even know how you're still with me." I broke down into tears. With the lack of water in my body, I didn't feel any warm liquid draining down my eyes anymore, instead I felt dry air which burnt my skin like acid. Bruce took me in his embrace, stroking my hair gently which brought a wave of calmness and satisfaction travel through my body. "Never think that way, okay? You're still the Rebecca I love. I still love you, and nothing's going to change that," He spoke in pain, he squeezed me tighter into the hug, "We'll get through this together. I promise you." he backed away and kissed my forehead like he always used to do. 

I fell asleep after that confrontation in the car. When we arrived, Bruce carried me bridal style to our room, and laid me down on the bed for me to continue my sleep in peace, and easily be able to rest which I appreciated a lot, because I really needed it after the whole drama going through my head back at the institution.

I woke up to the buzzing sound of a phone. I groaned, rubbing my eyes for them to open wide enough to enable my visions back again. I turned to find Bruce's phone that was uncontrollably buzzing. I listen closely to hear the showers on. I use this as my chance, and pick his phone up. Damnit, I don't know the passcode. I put away the phone, learning close to the drawer and pulling out a picture of Bruce that was cuddled up with his rumpled yet folded clothes. I display the photo in front of the phone's camera, hoping it'll work. Denied, well talk about bad luck. 

I threw the personal device back on the bed then started to go around on my social media to cure my boredom that has been bothering me for the past few weeks. That's when this time his phone starts to ring rather than the uncontrollable buzzing, I curse under my breath then take a look at the caller. It was unknown. I snatch it, and without thinking twice I answer it, holding the phone against my ear to hear if they'll speak without me having to utter a word first. "What the fuck are you doing?" The object that laid between my fingers soon dropped from my hand. My whole body shaking in fear as I turned around to see Bruce's flaming eyes staring right into me. "S-Someone called y-you-" He cut me off before I could even try to explain myself, "And that gives you the right to pick it up?" He snapped like a wild dog. He grabbed his phone from my hand furiously then slapped me right across my face. It wasn't just the fact that he abused me in some way, but it was the fact that it was the first time any man landed his hand on me in a physically harsh way. I didn't move. More like I couldn't move. My hands were shaking while my eyes streamed tears. "That better teach you from ever trying to snoop through my phone again!" He yelled then stormed out of the room. 

I somehow coped to get up from the bed with my trembling legs. I checked myself in the mirror to find a large red hand-print on my right cheek. I bursted out into loud sobs, and hurriedly ran to the corner of the dark room which I had just switched off in fear and horrid. I kneeled down and continued to cry in silence. I was not capable of using my lungs in order to inhale and exhale properly, because I tried not to make too much noise to bother Bruce and have him come back in and mistreat me again. I sniffled over and over again, getting sick of myself at this point. My body soon gave up on me, and everything turned black within' seconds.

Out of all the time in the world...why did my body have to go oppose me at the worst times possible?

 

Chapter 7 - Afraid

 

"Rebecca? Can you hear me?" I arose, unfolding my eyes to see John standing right in front of me, looking as if he was about to cry any second. "Oh my God, I'm so glad you're okay!" He gasped, leaning down and hugging me tightly. "What are you doing here?" I didn't have the energy it took to speak and even if I did it was really hard to do so, because I felt like something was holding me back. He licked his dried lips then sat on the chair that stood right beside my hospital bed. "Bruce sent me here." I chuckled without warning. "Bruce, sent you here? Sure." 

"Do you think I'm lying?" I frowned then tried as best as I could to ignore that question. I didn't want to seem judgmental in anyway, nor did I want to lie at the same time. "After all those secrets I told you about Bruce?"

I felt my head burn all of a sudden, my eyes bursting in anger, as well as my mood and patience suddenly lowering to a zero. "That's the goddamn thing, John!" I snapped loudly, feeling my heart-rate increase in less than a millisecond. "I don't know whether I should believe you or not! I'm crazy as it is, and this is just making me feel more insane than I should be feeling!" I cried, "I don't know who to believe. I don't even rely or trust myself, what makes you think I can believe a word you spoke about my husband?!" 

"You can't be serious, Rebecca..." I hit his chest with my fist using the energy I had left in my body, which clearly wasn't enough because he didn't even budge. "Leave me alone, John! Please!" I shrieked with uncontrollable tears. He glanced at me one last time before actually leaving me alone. I admit I was a little harsh on him, but it was for the best. I had to get rid of him, because I couldn't risk getting irritating Bruce more than he is right now.

Hours passed, I spent them mumbling calm things to myself. I wasn't strong, I definitely wasn't. I was as weak as a plastic bottle that would continually get crushed by people walking over it on the empty streets. Nobody bothering to pick it up because who knew how dirty and filthy it was. Who knew how useless it would be. Not even one person kneeled down to collect it and throw it in the trash, because they expected other people to do it for them. That's what's bad about humanity, not many of us are humane. Mostly because we don't act like one. A normal mortal being knows good enough how to keep the universe clean by helping each other out, but that's not the point. The point is I keep breaking as much as that poor plastic bottle that was squashed by more than a hundred people. Nobody, and I mean nobody was prepared to pick me up and put me out of my misery that I went through for hours and hours every single day.

"Mrs. Jones, your friend Kara Smith is here to visit you. Do you wish for her to see you?" The nurse poked her head inside the room, asking for my permission generously. It took me a while before I could whisper a positive response. Soon, Kara walked in the room with a bouquet of apologetic flowers that covered the area with its strong scent. Her footsteps next turned louder and louder as she made her way towards me. She took a seat, setting the flowers, in her hand, on the side-table that stood beside my bed. "I'm sorry." She spoke. I stared at her, confused about what she meant. "I should've never told you what I did that night at your engagement party, I never thought you would take it so seriously and that it would lead you to here..." I didn't let her continue. I faked a dry cough so she would understand that I don't want to apprehend any of the bullshit she's saying anymore. "Listen, Kara. You just spoke the truth. These past few weeks I've actually realized that maybe I'm not as mentally stable as you told me I am." 

"You told her what?!" We both turned to see Bruce standing in front of the entrance door with a box of chocolate in his hands along with a balloon that was floating in the air of the small room. Kara got up, shaking because she was too scared to face Bruce. "So, you're the motherfucker who told Rebecca she's crazy huh?" He hissed, his face turning infuriated, giving Kara his angry laser glares. She tried to speak, but nothing came out of her mouth. "Get the fuck out of this room, you little piece of shit!" He cursed then was about to throw hands on her, but stopped as soon as I screamed for him to not go any further. Sure, I wasn't happy with the state Kara put me in, but I would never want anything or anyone to hurt her just so I could feel better about it. It wouldn't even make me feel better, I'd just spend the weeks with pure guilt even if I wasn't the reason she got distressed. Kara rushed out of the room without speaking another word. Poor thing, I kind of felt bad for her. "I'm sorry, Rebecca I just don't want anyone hurting you."

"Like you hurt me?" His eyes widened, but then stared down at the floor shamefully. He didn't know how to respond to my shade, and I don't blame him either. I still haven't forgiven him, and have no intention of doing so anytime soon. I just hope he understands that and accepts the consequences he's brought upon us both. "You know I never meant to do that on purpose..." He muttered guiltily, I shrugged in response. "You still did it, that doesn't change anything." 

"Well, to make up for it. I wanted to take you out for a small weekend away from the world. Sounds good?" A weekend away from the world? That sounds like a dream. I had to accept, it was a far great offer that I couldn't bother rejecting. "Sounds great." I nodded in agreement. He exchanged a smile then told me to get up. I wrinkled my face, trying to figure out why he's asking me to get up. "I packed your stuff, I've already asked for authorization from the hospital, and they told me it'll be better to do so." I was at loss of