Deranged Lust by Tina Mahnam (heaven official's blessing novel english .TXT) 📖

words, so I just got up from my bed and forcefully tried to get up, but fell into his arms. My eyes met his instantly, my heart beat increased all of a sudden. Although we had our differences, and I was furious at him...those eyes never failed to make me fall in love with him all over again. He carried me in bridal style without any notice, and took me all the way to the car himself. "You've lost so much weight, Rebecca. That saddens me." He frowned, while struggling to open the passenger door to the car he had just unlocked. I helped him, bringing my arm out and opened the door instead. He thanked then placed me carefully on the seat without letting his voice out and speaking of whatever else. He hurriedly ran to his seat and started the car. 

"Why are you really doing this, Bruce?" I straight up asked him with no hesitation whatsoever. He kept quiet for a couple seconds before manning up, "I talked to your therapist-" I interrupted him, not allowing him to finish his sentence. "Oh my fucking- she isn't in her right mind, Bruce! I overheard you two talking about how getting me pregnant will be the right way out!" I noticed him heat up then pull over the car on the side of the road, "Why the fuck did you eavesdrop in the first place!?"

"Do you really think creating a living creature inside of me is a good idea!? How in the world can I take care of that poor baby when I'm not in the right frame of mind to even take care of myself?!" I screamed, tears roaming down my eyes because I couldn't handle the amount of pressure life was putting all on my shoulders.

"That's why I'm doing this, Rebecca! I want to help you! I want to help you heal so you can be the same Rebecca I fell in love with in the first place-"

"You're the goddamn reason I became like this!" Silence. Regret. Tension. Remorse. Attrition. Guilt. Rage. How many other words did I have to use to describe how I felt at that moment? My heart dropped, realizing what my mouth had spilled. Oh God, if only I had stayed shut in the first place. I couldn't try and describe his expression at the moment, because I knew very well that I just fucked up like I always do. "Listen, Bruce-"

"Get the fuck out of my car." He whispered, "Now." I couldn't really see his face, the only view that was shown was him gritting his teeth which clearly proved that he was way beyond enraged. I shakily opened the door, the moment I placed my foot on land he immediately drove off with no warning, catching me off-guard. I reached for my phone in my pocket then dialed the number I needed the most. The moment the ringing stopped, I felt myself take a deep breath before beginning to talk.

"I just wanna die."

 

Chapter 8 - Consequences

 

"Do you have any idea how much your call scared the life out of me?" John cursed in irritation as he drove straight to his house. I looked down, fiddling with my fingers, too drained to even try to open my mouth and defend myself. I saw him glancing at me from the corner of my eye, then soon felt him place his hand on my thigh, stroking it gently. "Sorry, I know you're going through a rough time right now. I shouldn't be too harsh on you." 

"I'm just...not ready to have a baby." I mumbled, hoping he heard my low-volumed voice that wasn't able to turn louder than it already was. "It's not your fault. He should've understood." I forced his hand off my leg in annoyance, "No, it's my fault. I rushed and blamed him for my condition." John soon tensed up the second I said that. "That's because he is to blame." 

"You can't be sure of that, John." I shook my head in denial, knowing well enough that I was taking his side, but I had no other choice to. I felt really guilty and woeful about what I told him. I already committed a sin by going through his phone and invading his privacy, and now I invaded another one by blaming my misapprehensions all on him. I felt so ashamed of myself. I never used to be like this, I just wanted to know what got over me. "Listen Rebecca, as far as I know you were always yourself before you even met that guy. I can surely prove that ever since you met him your life's been nothing but been totally chaotic. Am I wrong?"

"No, you're not wrong, but John you still can't change the fact that I tormented Bruce with my mistake!"

"And you definitely can't change the fact. That he did the exact same to you, but even worst than what you did to him!" My mind suddenly went deep into thoughts again. That night...that one night is what really ruined everything. If I was careful and swam like a decent human being I'd never be here stuck in this endless situation. "John, where are we going now?" Looking outside the window I view a greenery field, filled with big built-houses and bright clouds. This neighborhood gave off a really positive vibe. It was more peaceful than it was anything else. "You're staying at my place until Bruce comes back." I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. "What do you mean until he comes back, did he really leave off to that trip without me?" I asked in disgrace. He pulled the car over to a parking, turning the car off and exchanging a disappointed nod with me. I scoffed unbelievably. How can someone be so selfish? It surprises how one minute I can go full-defense on him, a another realize how self-centered he can be. Without wasting any other precious thought over that jerk I got out of the car, stomping my way to the main door, waiting for John to come and unlock it. He grabbed a large bag from the back-seat, and walked his way over to where I was standing silently. He opened the door then motioned towards his now open home, giving me formal permission to enter. I mutter a small thank you before stepping foot into his fancy house. I take a seat on the brown leathered couch in the living room, turning the television on by the remote that laid close to where I was sitting.

"Do you need anything to drink or eat?" I responded with a harsh no. He sighed in exhaustion then took a seat across from me. "Are you sure? I bet you haven't ate anything in days, or maybe even weeks." I shrugged, keeping my eyes on the colorful motion that was displaying with a bright light. "So what, I'm not that hungry anyways." He got up and headed to the kitchen. After a couple minutes, he came back with a tray filled with snacks. Cakes, chocolates, lollipops, different versions of candies, boxes of various flavored juices, and a cup of chocolate milk. I widened my eyes in surprise, feeling my stomach growl at the mouth-watering snacks he had brought right in front of me. "I know you want them, Rebecca. You love these stuff." He's not wrong. While we were in the villa,  every now and then Bruce would head to the city and come back with a big box filled with snacks like these just for me. I would get so happy that I would cry tears of joy while eating them. I can't believe that John bothered to even remember such a small thing that yet meant so much to me. Not to forget, the fact that he bought the exact same brands that I was deeply in love with. I felt my eyes go in puppy-form for a couple minutes before snatching the tray from him, crossing my legs on the leather couch and starting to enjoy my desserts.

John laughed at my reaction while taking a seat back to where he previously was, and changed the channel, playing Tom & Jerry. I squeaked in surprise and started to watch the show like a baby. I'm not a child, I'm just old-fashioned I guess. I had to spend my childhood being as responsible as an adult, and carrying my family out go misery. I never had the time to go through these things during those times. Sure, I did watch them when I was small, but I enjoyed them so much that I badly wanted to continue them, but I knew I couldn't. I knew that those days were over, and I couldn't make up for it. But the fact that John is doing all this just for me, I can't help but tear up just thinking about it. 

"After you're done with those snacks I wanna take you out on a not-so-big date." He winked right at me. "Date?" I spoke, my words muffling through the chocolates I had stuffed in my mouth. "Yes, now eat up. I bought you a  pretty-ish dress, it's upstairs in the guest room." He played with my hair before planting a small kiss on my forehead and walking out of the area. It took me a couple minutes before I could completely process what was happening. That's when it hit me. This is going to be risky. What if Bruce finds out about me and John going on a date? What if tonight is the night that will destroy every single chance I have in life, or any of the plans I had planned for Bruce?

I swayed away the thoughts and precluded myself before eating any further. While rushing upstairs to the guest-room I find a beautiful short, black, lacy dress that was laying on top of the cloth of the queen-sized bed. I grabbed the dress and positioned it over my clothed body, imagining myself wearing it tonight while going out with John. It was still hard for me to believe that he actually asked me out like this, especially right after what happened between me and Bruce.

After picturing a thousand different scenarios and overthinking as always, I took a long hot shower, enjoying the hot drops of water falling against my tired muscles. Soon, relaxing them in peace. I came out of the shower with a towel wrapped around myself, my hair dripping on the wooden floor beneath. There was a knock on the door all of a sudden, I gasped then told John to come in. He stepped inside, walking and placing some extra comfortable clothes on the bed before even bothering to look up at me. And when he did, I noticed his jaw drop a little. He shook his head and snapped back to reality, "Sorry- just...wow!" I chuckled at his reaction. He looked so innocently sly. I just wanted to embrace him, play with his smooth hair for hours, enjoying his presence around me. Fingers crossed, hopefully I'll reach that dream after I figure out my plan with Bruce. "S-Sorry, I'm staring. Uh, I'll head out." The fact that he was embarrassed wasn't the best part. The best part