Gift or Curse of being a Family by Kaitlyn Rose Hathaway (e ink epub reader .TXT) 📖

I threw my bag in a corner of my room and turned the music on. Welcome to my Life. I laid on my bed and cried while muttering the song text. Thank god that my parents weren’t home. They would have wanted to know what happened, but I still wasn’t willing to tell anybody of it.
I’ve known him my whole life and we never argued like this before! Never! He’s my cousin and he always will. That’s a fact and nobody could change that. We were not always the best friends, but we also never were really angry at each other.
At that very moment I hate my friend and myself. I brought her along to the party, so she could understand why I love my cousins that much, but not so she could fall in love with them or better him herself! I tried to pretend to not seeing it and gave them a chance to tell me the whole truth, but they never did. They just kept lying to me…
I tried to ignore my own feelings and just be happy for him or well, just let him be happy. She changed after they got together and did he…
But on that day I couldn’t keep silence anymore. Normally he at least tried to hide it, but on that day he just brought her along and I snapped. On the way back I told him that I hated it. I didn’t know why I told him the truth, but I did. At first he pretended as if I didn’t just snapped. He laughed at it. Laughed at it! It felt like he slapped me. He had no idea that he just took my feelings and stepped on them.
When I got of the car he drove away like moron. He will never know how much her hurt me at that very moment. Never know how worried I still was when he drove like crazy even though I was angry I couldn’t help but be worried. He had no idea that I laid the whole night awake and waited for his brother to tell me that he got home safe.
Worst of all is that no one is going to understand me. No one is going to know the whole truth, because I would rather be misunderstood than trying to explain my feelings.

The day after his cousin called and yelled at me. She told me that I was insane that I should try thinking about him and stop thinking about myself. I didn’t know why but the tears suddenly started to flow. I couldn’t stop them. I was hated by everyone at that very moment. Because I didn’t control my feelings for one very moment.
Because I didn’t stay silence for the rest for my life.
Because I didn’t shut down my humanity.

It’s been half a year now since that incident and now I feel nothing. My life is back in its routine it’s just that one important part of my life has been missing since then. My cousin who was like a brother to me.

I suffered because I cared too much for him.
I got hurt because I protected him.
I ignored my feelings because I wanted him to be happy.
In the end I got blamed for being egoistic because it became too much. But still I love him even if he hates me. Isn't that the curse of being family? Not telling them how much you suffered for his happiness and not tell him what you did even if he blames you? Isn't that what makes you family? Is it a gift or a curse? It depends on yourself and your family!

Text: Kaitlyn Rose Hathaway (pseudonym)
Images: Kaitlyn Rose Hathaway (pseudonym)
Publication Date: 12-03-2012

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Dedication:
To him... This little story is written for the one who made me feel like that. If you read this. I hope you know that you're still important to me.