A New Start by Ginnelle (paper ebook reader .TXT) 📖

I sigh.

Today was the first day of school. Not a happy day for a sixteen year old girl. It was always the same anyways, even when I use to move from one place to another. This time it was I moved from Washington to New Jersey.

I sit on the beat up couch in the small living room by myself thinking. I’m staring at the window, looking out into a fall filled day. It was hard to see for the days were getting darker and darker as winter approached but it wasn’t too bad for I could see out the window clearly.

I see the leaves on the trees and watched as they turned colors and seeing them fall onto the ground. It seemed so natural for them to just fall like that and then if they were lucky enough, to get swept by the wind.

I feel like that’s how my life was right now. I felt like a leaf falling, not knowing when you’re going to stop or would you forever ride the winds, having no control over where it takes you.

That was how my life was.

“Jessie.” I can hear my mom calling for me.

I ignore her though. I wanted to continue watching the leaves. I have so much in common with them that at one time I thought that if I watched closely enough I could see how my life would end up.

Would I forever be with the wind or would I hit the ground? Even as a child I would watch the leaves and every time I would think that I could see my future, if only I look hard enough.

“Jessie!” I hear my mom again. This time she sounded closer than before so, I turn from my place on the couch only to face her.

She was standing in the dinning room behind me which led to the kitchen and eventually to the bathroom and our bedrooms. She was standing there with her hands on her hips irritated by me still being here when I should have gone out for the bus by now.

“Jessie, you’re going to miss the bus. What are you still standing here for?” my mom asked.

I didn’t answer my mom right away making her annoyed. I didn’t care. I didn’t want to go out but it would seem I had no choice. I couldn’t convince my mom to let me stay home today. Now I know the reason why.

Her hair was perfect, done to each strand of hair. On her face was light make up and wasn’t caked on like some women would do or drawn on like some famous people you would see on tv.

No, the only thing she had on was light eyeliner with some mascara and a thin dark shade of blue eyeshade to bring out her eyes more and of course the traditional lipstick on the lips to make them fuller. Around her neck she were a star shape pendent with black fake diamonds around it with the same color ear rings to match the outfit.

She looked about ten years younger than her real age of thirty-nine.

“Where are you going mom?” I ask.

She looked at me and then walks over to the couch giving me a clear view of her outfit.

In her black kitten heels that matched her black pantyhose that ran up her legs to the fine black skirt that reached her mid thigh to the white flurry blouse that came with a black coat for cover. She looked ready for business.

“Well, today I have an interview with a job I’m trying to get. I have to look my best you know.” she told me with a smile on her face.

I flinched at the brightness her teeth made when she smiled. It would seem she used too much teeth whitening. I could even see my reflection in those things.

It was so fancy compared to my blue jean bell bottoms with a plain black tee-shirt. It was going to be cool outside so over top of my black I had a white hoodie which had blue circles patterns in random placed with black and white Nike shoes.

I had no make up on and my hair was naturally straight and I didn’t wear any ear rings or a necklace.

As I stare at her it amazes me how much of a resemblance we have of each other. We had pretty much the same built with her only being only an inch or so taller than me. I’m probably about 5’’3’ now. I don’t know. I haven’t measured myself in about a year. I couldn’t be that far off for I’m almost the same height as my mom and she’s 5’’4’.

We both have slightly tanned skin, not the ‘oh my god I’m so dark I’m almost black” kind of tan but we weren’t pale either; just somewhere in between. It astonishes me how we’re so much alike that even our hair color is the same. A color that most people have but many would change in heart beat; brown.

I don’t get why people would want to change their hair color. My hair was the way I liked it; it was plain and simple. It suited me. Or maybe it was just me who thought so.

The one thing I didn’t have of hers was her eyes. My eyes were blue while hers’ were green. That little trait came from my father. It was the only thing I have of him.

My dad died a month after I was born. It was a car accident, from what I was told. I don’t remember him. I was only a baby, an infant, when I saw him. I have pictures and mom has told me stories about him when I was younger but it’s not the same.

I would never know my father.

It was just me and my mom. We only have each other and no one else.

“Mom,” I whined. “I don’t want to go to school.”

It was the truth too. I didn’t want to go to school. Every year would be the same. I would go there, be made fun of, eventually make friends, and then I would have to leave. That was my life, much like the leaves falling outside.

“Oh, honey, you have to.” my mom said while putting her hand up to move the long bangs out of my face.

“I don’t want to move again.” I was almost in tears by this point. For most of my life I have been moving around making tons of friends but never being able to keep them like most girls.

I have had enough of moving and getting my heart torn from my chest over and over again. I don’t want to feel the water drip from my eyes as I have to walk away from the people I called friends.

I stared at her as she sighed tiredly and put her hands on my shoulders like I was her pillar; if I move she’ll crumble.

Then she bent down to my level putting most of her weight on her knees. I could hear the cracks they made as more weight was put on them, showing her true age rather than the one she was portraying.

“Sweetheart, we are not moving.” my mom said softly but firmly like she truly wanted my to believe her but I couldn’t, not until I was sure we weren’t moving again.

“How can you say that when you are not so sure we aren’t?” I asked sniffling. I wanted so much to believe her, to hear truth in her words but you can’t hear something that isn’t there in the first place.

“I can’t be sure.” she told me. “I can’t promise you that. But what I can promise you is that I will do everything in my power to make sure we stay here as long as we can. So, what you need to do is go out and make some friends, have the time of your life.”

I manage to smile at the thought. “Yeah, and get drunk and maybe wake up to some random guy lying next to me.”

My mom chuckled. “Okay, maybe not that far. But at least try, okay? I’m trying. I already am getting a job and we are settling down. We’re going to make it, you hear?”

“Yeah mom,” I nod. “I hear.”

She brought her right hand up and tapped underneath my chin in praise. “That’s my girl.”

Getting up she left leaving me alone. I stare back out the window in front of me again. I watch as the leave fall to the ground or float in the wind. I had always asked myself if I would hit the ground or get pulled with the wind.

I believe that I am with the wind but instead of going in all directions like before, I’m just getting a gentle push in the right one.

Publication Date: 12-24-2009

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