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sit around and mope for days.

 

 

I had to fix this myself.

 

So I got up out of bed, rushed to put on clothes and went out the front door.

 

 

When I knew the problem was me, I just had to get out.

 

Even though the air is nippy and for the first time since October, i'm wearing long jeans.

 

 

I ran all the way down the street, turning to the right. And what was on my mind, is the fact that I never actually tried.

 

I went through the misery of losing a friend so suddenly and I didn't think about the fallout.

 

 

The aftermath, what she was probably doing in this situation.

 

I needed to be the friend Ashley needs right now.

 

 

And I can't waste it being at home, missing school and wondering if she's okay.

 

I needed to get out there and solve it for myself.

 

 

And when my foot hit those steps up to the porch, I could feel the friendship we had mend together again.

 

I knocked on the door, hoping that Ashley would answer.

 

 

Having the excited rush through my bones and the cold nose from the windy December air.

 

Just as I began to shake out the nerves of seeing her again, the door opens before I can knock again.

 

 

It's not Ashley, which makes me drop my smile.

 

Mrs. Bass is silent, staring at me through the screen door. No kind of expression on her face.

 

 

It's as if she saw me again for the first time in years, and I knew the bad news would seep in.

 

''Is Ashley okay....I came to see her.'' I finally spoke.

 

 

I rubbed my two gloves together, mimicking a roll motion as if i'm making a fire.

 

Even after asking, Mrs. Bass didn't break her mystic trance.

 

 

Then she snaps out of it, making me wonder if it was the right choice to come today.

 

''I'm sorry Alex, Ashley needs rest,...she's not feeling well.'' she finally says.

 

 

She turns back into the house, as if Ashley's in the living room, trying to hideaway.

 

I don't respond for a second as I breathe in the cold December air, letting the thought sink in.

 

 

Ashley probably didn't want to see me. Or worst, mainly because it was me.

 

Without another thought, I just turn around.

 

 

Not even letting Mrs. Bass ask or answer why I was leaving.

 

I just walked on my way back home, letting the cold air rush through my face.

 

Letting myself go.

 

 

And as I walked back home, I couldn't help but cry throughout the way as snow fell down.

 

For the first time, in probably weeks, snow had hit Lousiana.

 

 

I held on desperately to myself before opening the front door, letting myself in to rest.

 

I couldn't bare to think or even know how Ashley feels right now.

 

 

I just flip my shoes off of my feet, making my way upstairs. Stinging tears still falling down my face.

 

It was a simple answer, Ashley's not feeling well.

 

 

And I couldn't take it, my poor little heart deserved a better answer.

 

But that was all I could get right now.

 

 

So I think and thought about it for I don't now how long, while it continued to snow outside.

 

Every few minutes i'd wipe my tears and still picture myself at Ashley's place.

 

 

Inside the yellow mellow house I loved, and warm climate. And etheral feeling.

 

I loved Ashley's place.

 

 

It's the one place where we hang out together, that I actually know who I am with her.

 

What I plan to do, how I plan to do it.

 

 

All of it, happened when Ashley was there.

 

And now I just lay on my bed, wondering if she'll come back.

 

 

I watched Ashley and I become closer. One by one, she puts me together.

 

I just can't seem to bring that back so easily now.

 

I'm giving up.

 

Strawberry of Hate

 

In just 3 years, the music will be too loud.

 

And if it's too loud,...than that means i'm too old.

 

 

That was it, the 1st year i'd officially grown up.

 

The music was too low, and I spend my days thinking about nothing other than Ashley.

 

 

But then flash forward a year later, i'm still thinking about her.

 

Then through another year of me giving up, to hoping i'd see Tyler.

 

Wishing that we'd talk.

 

 

But i'd never worked up the courage to, until this November.

 

 

First year of middle school, was great but also traumatizing after I lost my best friend.

 

2nd year, not so much fun. But I survived just in time over the summer before 8th grade.

 

 

Then turning the dial until we offcially stop in this November.

 

Aunt Carol sent me on task to prepare for the thanksgiving dinner we're having.

 

 

She decided to come over to my house and make plenty of food leftover, so she'd know i'd be eating well this holiday.

 

Then going back to her place, which is empty.

 

 

Aunt Carol lived by herself in this amazing small house.

 

I've been there tons of times. And let me tell you, it's better looking in the summer.

 

 

So when the holidays were coming up, I knew I had been stuck with Aunt Carol on shopping duty.

 

That's right.

 

 

Shopping for cherry pies, pumpkin (my favorite) and tons of cans filled with corn.

 

Aunt Carol practically lived on corn for this season.

 

 

I however, dreaded this time of season. Mom and dad promised every year since they left, they'd come back and enjoy it with us.

 

 

But unfortunately, their going to be stuck in hawaii this year. Having a happy thanksgiving without me.

 

Trust me, I know this.

 

Given that a 13 year old can guess if her parents are coming home or not, is miraculous.

 

 

But Aunt Carol tells me to have hope, that they'll come back.

 

 

But I didn't agree, there's a 99% chance that a 13 year old can tell when her parents are coming back or not.

 

And it's me, Alex Carter.

 

 

So with that little fit, i'm stuck shopping for pies. And hopefully, sparkling cocktail drinks that Aunt Carol wants me to have.

 

Since were on the low down on juice, or lack of, my job is to shop for last minute things.

 

As always.

 

 

So i'm slowly walking up and down the aisles, trying to avoid coming home for the sake of my parents is a pretty good plan until i'm caught in it.

 

I planned to just walk into the grocery store, stumble around on some half priced milky way bars, pass the coffee aisle so I can smell the beautiful roast of cappuccinos.

 

I loved passing by and smelling the strong taste of it.

 

 

I'd carry around the ham, Aunt Coral promised I needed to get, just in case we run out at home.

 

And even though I had to fight 2 ladies, well...let's put it this way. 2 neighbors, it was a hard play.

 

 

It was between Mrs. Strome, and Old Woman Yeller. We call her that because she can get pretty nasty with people, for being over 60.

 

 

So between the small fight over the sweet ham, rushing carts full of groceries and the ulitmate fight.

 

I won.

 

So i'm smilng, walking down the coffee aisle, holding onto the last good ham.

 

 

Probably walking a little too happily. Mainly because of my perfectly pinched brown boots I got as an early christmas present.

 

I didn't know exactly who gave it to me, or dropped it off on my doorstep.

 

My dibs were on Aunt Carol, but then it'd be too suspcious for me to know.

 

Besides, I could tell if she bought me anything.

 

 

While I thought about that for a while, I come face to face with a shopping cart just ahead.

 

Before even exiting the aisle, i'm on my heels with my eyes widened. As if I was about to crash.

 

 

But I don't, so I clentch onto my red coat. Adjusting myself before seeing the person behind the cart.

 

 

After several seconds of looking to the right from the open aisle, I finally get to see that face.

 

With a little surprise, I slowly back up preparing for an answer.

 

 

But it's silent between us, so there I am with my mouth a little open.

 

Tyler, pulling on the shopping cart to a hault, before the inevitable crash I almost could of feel.

 

Which reminds me of the ride I took just 4 aisles down, when I fought with Old Woman Yeller on who really needed the ham.

 

And of course I went flying into someone's shopping cart.

 

 

And with that reminder, I reach my hand for the spot where I landed on my back.

 

 

Before I can even talk, I pull back a little of the poofy ends of my hair.

 

Hopelessy trying to remain calm.

 

I had forgotten how long it was when my fingers finally fell to my sides.

 

 

And I could tell Tyler was looking at me while I tried to think of something to say. But I couldn't think with let it snow playing over the intercom.

 

 

All I could focus on was the expression on his face, the half smile/half worry that seemed to put a trance on me.

 

 

''Sorry,....I didn't watch where I was going.'' I said finally.

 

I held onto the ham that seemed to slip out my arms, probably from the excitement I felt.

 

It had been months since we've spoken. Back when I had the gum wad on my hand.

 

 

''You're gum girl.'' he says to me.

 

I look at Tyler, a little surprised. Then I think about why he's saying it.

 

 

And while Tyler pointed out my palm, I knew why I got the quick nickname.

 

''Oh,..'' I say with a little laugh.

 

''Gum girl.'' I say pointing to my raised palm.

 

 

The exact one from that day we had a little chat. Well more than a chat, more like an helping hand.

 

After letting my hand fall to my side, my mouth opens wide before finally replying.

 

 

''I'm just shopping,...for the holidays. Thanksgiving is today, mom and dad aren't going to be home since they're in Hawaii. So, i'm stuck buying the extra ham for my aunt's sake.'' I say.

 

 

''No way, my mom makes me do the same thing.'' Tyler says.

 

I could tell the rushed smile that went to his face, how it lit up when I finished my sentence.

 

Then after a brief say, Tyler reaches into his shopping cart, pulling out the same brand of ham I got.

 

 

With a smile on my face, and his, i'm confident enough to reply.

 

''No way, I thought all of them were out when I  got the last one. I had to fight a couple neighbors, even though I know they won't forgive me." I said pointing to it.

 

Tyler tosses around the ham before it bounces back into the shopping cart.

 

 

''There's luck in knowing Joe, he's friends with my mom.'' Tyler replies.

 

I turn to my right, trying to avoid the next best thing that's going to come out of my mouth.

 

But luckily, this is a great start to knowing Tyler.

 

 

''So?'' I finally reply, turning my head a little too quckily in Tyler's direction.

 

Taking in a deep breath, I look away from him in the direction of the pork rines I always seemed to pass by with disgust.

 

''Have you seen the sale,...on those pies?'' I ask with my voice low, a little nervous.

 

 

Okay, a lot nervous. I lost my confidence and now i'm back to regular ol' Alex.

 

But of course, I don't think she ever left.

 

 

''I'm actually about to grab one on the way out.'' Tyler says pointing that way.

 

Again, there's that smile on my face once he says it. Saving me from the awkward response.

 

 

As Tyler begans turning his way over there, I stop him in his tracks.

 

Noticing something I was too nervous to ask.

 

''Oh my god.'' I say little too loudly.

 

 

Through my thick small glasses, I

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