The Bucket List by N. Y. (spicy books to read TXT) 📖

some of the 8th graders talk about how disgusting the wall was.

 

 

Or, what a waste of gum.

 

And now, I know it is a waste of gum.

 

I had my first gum imprint, from a dirty old desk.

 

  

''Carter?'' Mr. Elliot says to me.

 

 

He points his fingers for me to come over.

 

I tried to clear my mind as what's left of the class disappears to their 2nd period.

 

 

I take slow breaths and hide my hand.

 

 

It felt nothing like what I thought it would be.

 

And from that point, I don't think I could ever chew gum again.

 

 

Despite I was still chewing the one from this morning, after I ate a whole apple.

 

It was one of my big achievements.

 

 

I quickly approach his desk.

 

 

I smiled as I got to his desk. He just stands, concerned.

 

''Carter, i'm worried about how you're intereacting with my class.'' he says.

 

 

He crosses his arms over his chest.

 

Then I knew what was going to happen. This was going to be a long lecture about me.

 

 

''Yes, Mr. Elliot?'' I implied.

 

''I need you to pay attention, this is your last year of middle school. I can't have you distracted, I need your full attention.'' he starts.

 

I clear my throat and look down at my old shoes.

 

 

The dirty yellow shoes I had worn for years. It still fits.

 

That's what the spark in them told me.

 

 

Finally, I look up.

 

''Yes, I understand.'' I respond.

 

 

''Especially since you're one of my smartest students, and don't let that label get to you. I know you Carter, i've known you for a while now and I can tell you'll do great things. So don't give up.'' he says.

 

 

It was the usual speech a teacher would give when they'd hold you from going to your next class.

 

 

First, it's concern. Then it's all about body language.

 

There's hand movements and proper stance, then leaning down to your eye level.

 

And then comes the words that make's everyone feel so special. But it doesn't.

 

 

It was all just a play. A simple play put together by excuses and words to make people realize things.

  

 

I nod my head after a long pause, i knew what he was saying.

 

It's meaningful and nice, but I can't be late to class.

 

 

''Now go, I don't want you to be late for Science.'' he says.

 

''Thanks Mr. Elliot.'' I reply to him.

 

 

I dart for the door on the other side of the room. It was closer to my class than going out the way I came this morning.

 

And as I run to it, I potentialy almost knock myself down with chairs.

 

But I held on for dear life.

 

 

Mr. Elliot watches me as I pick myself back up.

 

''Bye.'' I said again.

 

I exit the other door.

 

 

 

I stroll the hallway of the kids that are running late as I try to pick the wad of gum that was stuck to the plam of my hand off.

 

It was old and weird looking, and god...the feeling.

 

 

I don't want to say, but it's something alright.

 

I continued, frustrated to get it out as I walk the halls of this school. And pretty sure enough, it was empty.

 

 

And then the bell rang.

 

It echo's into the halls as I looked to the closed classroom doors.

 

I was all alone. And late.

 

 

But I focused back on the wad of gum which was halfway off my left hand.

 

''Eww.'' I said silently.

 

 

It disgusted me so much that I grew tired of chewing my own personal gum.

 

Then I took it out of my mouth as the lasting flavor of sour strawberry lingered.

 

 

I look to it, almost resembling the first wad of gum on my left palm.

 

''That's just great.'' I said with disgust.

 

 

 

''Hey.'' says a voice.

 

I turn to my left as my eyes set on someone.

 

It was the boy I had seen over the weekend.

 

 

It was the person I wanted to mention in first period when Mr. Elliot asked us how our weekend was. 

 

It was weird and utterly surprising to see him in the flesh.

 

 

I didn't know he went to this school.

 

Or even knew he'd find me.

 

 

So seeing his face again made my heart jump a little.

 

I was convinced i've developed a crush on him.

 

 

And I knew he'd forever be, record store boy to me.

 

''Are you okay?'' he asks again.

 

 

I shake my head from my thoughts as I realized how long I was probably staring.

 

Unsure if I should hurry to the girls restroom, and try to get rid of the gum. Or stick around, trying to get past someone I might have a connection with.

 

 

Instead of answering for a brief second, record store boy comes over to me. I take a step back preparing for what might happen.

 

 

My mouth opens a little, as he reaches his hand out for mine.

 

I look at it for a bit, before knowing what he was about to do.

 

 

His hands are pale and calloused, as the light from the windows to the left of us reflect on them.

 

But how should I know for sure, I just met him.

 

 

''Your hand.'' he says to me.

 

I look up from my small trance and my eyes set straight towards his. For a brief second he stares back into mine, but then it's down at my hand.

 

He touches it for a second, his fingers ripping off the gum I desparately tried to get rid.

 

 

Small breaths came out of my mouth once it's gone. He holds it in his hand, and the other one I chewed...in mine.

 

I'm still in the trance. I can't believe he's touching me.

 

It's a hard one to get out of.

 

 

I realized after a second, i've never said a word or even mentioned a thank you.

 

 

He's just staring at me for a bit, wondering what's going on in my mind. Then he turns around to a trash bin, throwing the piece of old gum away.

 

 

I watched him turn back the way he came, and i'm speechless. Just casually staring at him.

 

Once I break out of it again, I quickly look down to my free hand without the old wad of gum on it.

 

 

I rubbed the outer palm part looking at the ground, possibly trying to avoid eye contact with record store boy.

 

And when I finally decided to work up the courage to do it, he's gone.

 

 

I turned my head, looking around for him. Finally, I see his shadow walking around the halls.

 

To my left, he's walking for a while, then he disappears into a classroom.

 

 

 

I let out a sigh, that was my chance to do it. To finally talk to him, and I messed it up.

 

Well thank god for Alex.

 

 

I finally move from my spot in the hallway and walk over to the trash bin just near, throwing away the piece of gum I chewed earlier into the empty dark void.

 

 

The trash bin, typically where I belong right now.

 

It's impossible to tell for sure.

 

Grigio Girl

 

The day I finally came home....

 

 

For a long time, i'd hear them argue. Knowing that I was suppose to be asleep.

 

But my ears are open, and that deep blue ocean light in my room didn't go away.

 

They would fight about everything. School....what the trip was going to cost and of course.

 

Alex.

 

 

What was I going to do in all this situation, nothing.

 

That's all I can tell you.

 

I just sit back and watch everything unfold.

 

 

They've been at it for years, and they never thought about me. How the impact affected me.

 

The illness that grew from my aching heart, and they would leave.

 

 

''Stop.'' I said.

 

 

Their eyes turned to me, already seconds into the house they hadn't noticed that I was inside.

 

Right on time, but not exactly.

 

Part of me wished thar they were gone again. But the other me, wanted my parents back.

 

 

Mom, dressed in black and grey.

 

Dad too, with his scruffy facial hair and worried eyes.

 

 

I saw them again. The light that died every time they'd visit.

 

Message after message, phone call after...more phone calls.

 

 

All while Aunt Carol stood there. Her eyes are on me, making sure i'm fine.

 

I am, but not for long.

 

 

''You're home.'' I said softly.

 

 

My fingers crinkle at the thought as they form into fists. I was ready to get angry, but the feeling went away.

 

My parents. Who have been away since, I don't know when, finally came home.

 

 

But I knew they'd leave again.

 

 

''Alex.'' mom says.

 

She's the first to approach me. I take a step back.

 

I wasn't sure if she had bad news or good news. Even after the conversation and moments that disappeared. I couldn't tell apart the face she always puts on for me.

 

 

''Wer'e home.'' she replied smiling.

 

Her head hangs low, as if i'm her little girl again.

 

 

But I doubt she'd get past it. I'll always be her little girl.

 

The one who chews gum.

 

The girl who steals milky way bars, and the one who would have been part of the grigio girls.

 

 

Moving up town, making the age gap everybody loved sound amazing.

 

 

But that's not the case, everything's not like how it was.

 

I'd like to say it was coming, the whole thing.

 

 

And from the look in mom's eyes, everyone's quiet. Waiting for me to answer.

 

To react, to say something, like a doll repeating everyone's words.

 

 

But my mouth doesn't hang open anymore.

 

And I don't live in a dollhouse.

  

 

''Where have you been?'' I finally ask.

 

It comes out shaky, as if I cried for 4 days and 4 nights.

 

 

But I meant it, as a happy thing. To finally see the cheer in their faces.

 

Everyone, back together again.

 

 

The spotlight, planted on me, hoping that i'd say what's right.

 

And yet, I spoke what my mind told me to say. It was stupid, worthless, and not worth the talk.

 

 

I had no idea, the thought of it....being together again would be forever.

 

Forever young with them, mom and dad.

 

 

And still, my heart breaks. I begin to cry.

 

Wondering every single day, where do you think you're going?

 

 

Trying to make out the words, hold my hand, stay.

 

But they don't stay, at least in my world.

 

 

I barely think of it again. Then before I know it, i'm out of the kitchen.

 

Mom and dad are worried.

 

 

Aunt Carol is there, watching everything blow up.

 

Nothing crucial happened, just the thought of a young girl who missed her parents.

 

 

And while I think of it, i'm out the front door. With tears streaming down my face.

 

The sun, setting just ahead.

 

 

The sidewalks began to blur as tears continue to fall on my glasses. I don't even bother to wipe them.

 

I just keep running.

 

 

From home, my parents, Aunt Carol. 

 

Everything, even Lousiana it'self.

 

 

I wanted to get out of here, to find my peace again. But it sucks when the truth is right in front of you.

 

The sad, sad truth.

 

 

And for the entire run while I tried to stop crying, i'm focusing on what to do.

 

Who to see, what to think.

 

 

I needed Nurse Nenny. But then I remembered she had other patients.

 

She has her own life to think about, one without me anymore. Just a memory of me.

 

The days she'd take care of me, her perfect smile and auburn hair I loved so much.

 

 

She couldn't take care of me now, I was on my own.

 

And as the sun went down, I had no other choice.

 

 

Run back home, hitch a ride, or just continue to walk.

 

 

And thinking of hitching a ride, brought back to the memory of how I ended up in the hospital.

 

And going back home, would only make it worse.

 

 

So I kept running, looking back one more time at the place I barely knew so well.

 

Praying that god would do something, helping one of his sweet children live again.

 

 

But then I