The Self Harmed by Chalen D. (libby ebook reader .txt) 📖

pair of pink heels and I nodded. He picked them up and then handed them to me.

“Here.” I held them out to Clara.

She gasped and Slowly took them.

“I can’t.”

“You can.” I set them on the floor. “And you will.”

She grabbed my arms and shoved her feet into the heels.

“Ahem!” I called, and Ayelie and The guys looked over. “Clara.”

She walked out and everyone gasped.

“You look so pretty!” Ayelie said.

“See?” I told her.

She smiled and went into the dressing room.

“Okay.” She grabbed my arm. “Your turn. I have the perfect dress for you. Ayelie-“

“I got the shoes and Mask.” Ayelie nodded.

Clara grabbed a dress and held it out, “What do you think?”

“You know me too well.”

She handed it over and I walked into a stall. She helped me into the dress.

“Okay.” Ayelie shut the curtain. “Caden picked out the mask. Oh shit,”

She looked me up and down.

“Good right?” Clara took the heels.

“Yeah.”

I lifted up my dress and stuck a foot out so Clara could put on a heel. Ayelie went behind me and tied my mask into place.

“Good?” I asked.

“Perfect.” Ayelie said.

“Are you sure-“

“It’s your dress.” Clara nodded.

“Okay.” I blew out with a nod.

I pushed the curtain open.

“Holy shit.” Owen said, dropping the mask he held.

The others looked at him confused and then turned to face me.

“Holy Shit.” Alex said.

“So that’s a yes?” I asked.

They all nodded. I quickly changed out of the dress and shoes, and then we helped the guys pick out a matching suit and then we headed back to the bus. No one made it to our store.

~The Dance~

I had my makeup suitcase tossed over a shoulder, my heels tucked under an arm, my dress bag in one hand and my mask in the other. I was standing outside Ayelie’s door trying to open it. I finally sighed, and smacked my head on the door twice. Ayelie opened the door, and lunged for my shoes and mask.

“Thanks.” I told her walking in. “I don’t have anything to do my hair.”

“I think Clara has you covered. She did mine too.”

Clara was sitting on the floor in front of a hair station she had set up. She was dressed in a white tank top and pink pj bottoms. Ayelie was dressed similar in black pj bottoms. I wore plaid pj shorts and a black tank top. “Hold your breath.” Clara said. Ayelie and I sucked in a large breath as Clara sprayed her hair down.

She fixed a curl and then smiled at me.

“Curly, straight?”

“Curly.”

“Welcome to my salon.” She held out a hand.

I sat down with my makeup bag. Ayelie moved the mirrors out of the way and sat in front of me. She unzipped the bag and grinned.

“Hell yes. This is going to be fun.” She reached inside. “Did you want me to do your makeup too Clara?”

“Yeah, I wanted a Smokey eye. Black and pink.”

“Lucky for you.” She grabbed a black eye shadow. “I do a killer Smokey eye. Is that okay for you too Charlie? Or do you have another look you want?”

“My face is your playground.”

“A very pretty playground it is.” She smiled. “Close your eyes.”

So an hour later my hair was curled my makeup dark and dramatic. Clara and Ayelie already had their dresses on. Ayelie was helping Clara with her mask. I grabbed Ayelie’s off the dresser and tied it into place. As I doubled knotted it Clara unzipped my dress. We all pulled it out, and they helped me climb in.

“Are you decent?” A voice asked from the other side of the door.

“Yeah.” We all called, sounding like one echoing voice.

I lifted up my dress and stuck a foot out for Clara as Ayelie set my mask in place.

“Hey.” We all looked up and Ryder snapped a picture.

“Sorry.” I told them.

“It’s okay.” Clara grabbed a shoe. “Other foot.”

“You’ll photo shop that if I have a double chin right?” Ayelie asked, tying the double knot.

“Sorry.” Ryder looked down at his camera. “My pictures are all natural.”

We all pilled out of the room. I was last and Ryder grabbed my arm.

“You look beautiful, and if your lips weren’t as red as blood I’d kiss you.”

“Thank you.” I smiled. “I think.”

He kissed my cheek and we met up with everyone in the hall.

“My lady.” Caden bowed, holding out a hand.

I bowed a little also and took his hand. His head snapped up as he grinned. He spun me out and then back in. I laughed and smacked his chest.

“Okay so we are ten minutes late.” Alex informed us.

“Good.” Ayelie grabbed his arm, “That means everyone will be there.”

We all headed into the food hall, as Owen put on his mask. He was usually the last one ready. They had changed it a lot. Perfect for the dance, with a live Dj and they had added a stage.

Right away people started to talk and point at us.

“Once again.” Mr. Pepper called from the stage mic. “Will The Members of Ana Cuts please make their way to the back stage? Please?”

We all looked at each other and then walked in a straight line against the wall to the stage. We hurried behind the stage.

“You called Mr. Pepper?” I asked.

He turned around and jumped back hand to heart.

“Jeesh.” He muttered. “I was wondering if you wanted to perform.”

“They’ll perform.” Ayelie stepped forward. “I’ll make sure of it. But please don’t introduce the band. They’ll just go up there, perform, and the take off their masks.”

Mr. Pepper looked at us.

“She’s the manager.” Owen said.

“Alright.” He nodded. “Midnight.”

“Perfect.” Ayelie nodded.

“There’s a voting table!” Clara grabbed My arm. “Let’s go see what It’s for!”

As she pulled me away I grabbed Ayelie’s arm. No way was I going in this one alone. Ayelie Grabbed Alex’s arm, Alex grabbed Owen, and He grabbed Ryder, who grabbed Caden’s good arm. So we all walked to the table in a train. Caden was out of his cast now for his foot. It was just a really bad strain. His arm was still in a cast like mine was.

I had better mobile of my arm than he did. I grabbed the paper that Clara shoved at me. New year's Queen. I scribbled down Clara’s name and stuck it in a box. I grabbed the next paper that said New year's princess. I wrote down Ayelie’s name and shoved it in. I voted Caden and Alex for King and Prince and Called it a night.

At midnight they announced the winners. Clara won Queen and there was a tie for princess between Ayelie and I. Caden won King and Alex won Prince. The back curtains Opened. Ryder was in place along with Owen. I took off my mask and took my place. We played a few songs before we headed off stage, some kids coming up to us congratulating us all. 

We all headed to the field for sparklers. There were tables set up, with pencils and paper and wooden boxes. We started on our new year’s resolutions. I wrote down eat more, cut less, stay alive, on three papers before folding them in half. Owen held out the box and I dropped my papers in with the rest. He smiled at me and snapped the box shut. He set the box in a hole in the ground, and Ryder and Alex grabbed shovels and buried the box.

Ayelie and Clara stood next to me holding my arms. Funny thing about resolutions, is that they never really come true. You don’t really follow through with them. But this year was different. I was determined to make them a reality.

 

~It's too hard~

“So I was thinking-“ Owen stopped in his tracks as he pushed open my door. He slowly shut my door, “What are you doing?”

I had my shirt up and I was poking at my rib.

“Nothing.” I yanked my shirt down, “What were you thinking?”

“I’ll tell you when you tell me what you were doing.”

“Well,” I sighed, “The best ideas are surprises.”

“What were you doing Charlie?” He grabbed my arm.

“It’s too hard okay?” I looked away from him.

“What is?” He grabbed my face and made me look at him.

“Trying to be normal.”

He actually laughed, “We’re never going to be normal again Charlie. Whoever told you that has lied. We’ll always be damaged. We can only try to get better.”

“Well it’s too hard to get better.”

“It’s not going to happen overnight, Char.” He grabbed both of my arms as I looked him in the eyes. “You didn’t lose all that weight in one day, you didn’t get all these scars in one night. Did you?”

“No.”

“Exactly.”

“It’s just easier to be like this.”  I shook my head a little. “To be sick.”

“Of course it is.” He snorted. “They don’t call recovery a fight for nothing.”

“Well I don’t want to fight.”

“Of course you don’t.” He took a step closer to me, “But you have to. You have to fight, no matter if you feel like it or not. Do you know why?”

“Why?”

“Because I’m going to make you. I’m going to drag you across the line to recovery if I have to.”

“I’m pretty heavy.”

“No you’re not.” He picked me up by the arms and then set me down. “Why do you always joke about this?”

“I have to. I’d go insane if I didn’t.”

“Don’t you see?” He asked, looking over my face, “We’re already there.”

The door Opened and we jumped away from each other, as Clara and Ryder paused at the door.

~You never tell me anything~

“Clara.” I said, as she took a step back. “It’s not what you think.”

She hurried from my room.

“Ryder. Listen to me.”

Ryder turned and left. Owen and I looked at each other, and then ran from the room.

“Ryder!”

He turned to face me.

“Are you cheating on me?” He demanded, hurt filled his eyes. “With Owen.”

“No," I shook my head.

“The why