The Self Harmed by Chalen D. (libby ebook reader .txt) 📖

makes no sense.”

“That’s what I’m thinking.”

“Looks like I’m the only one in the suicide wing now.”

“Where all your nightmares come true.”  Clara and I said together.

Ayelie laughed, and Pulled Clara into a hug.

“Hey.” She gave me a hug.

“Hi.” We pulled back. “What about Ryder? Where’s he?”

“Four doors down across the hall. They moved everyone.” She itched at her wrist. “This thing is so annoying. It’s not even a pretty blue, damn it.” She looked at me, “You got quite a nice collection.”

“Thanks.” I looked down at my wrist. “Why don’t you have a Red one?”

“Haven’t you heard?” Ayelie asked.

Clara and I looked at each other and then shook our heads at Ayelie.

“You get called into see a shrink today, and they look at your files, and then they take off bracelets that aren’t necessary to wear. I went with Ryder. He only has a pink Bracelet.”

A nurse came into the room, “The Doctors ready for you Now Charlie.”

“Thanks.”

“Make sure your all unpacked Ayelie.”

She left.

“Who the fuck is she?” Clara questioned.

“Don’t ask.” Ayelie said, stomping from the room.

“Good luck?” Clara held out her arms.

I gave her a hug.

“Thanks.”

The Doctor Took off the red bracelet.

“We can’t be too sure, so in a week I’ll see if I can take off the blue one.”

“Thank you.”

“You can go.”

I left the room. Alex was coming out of another room.

“Alex!”

“Charlie! Hey!” He grinned and pulled me into a hug.

I glanced at his wrist.

“So get any taken off?”

“Nope.” He held up his wrist, showing the Blue and Red bracelets. “Not yet.” He grabbed mine, “But you did, congrats.”

“Thanks.” I smiled, “What Wing are you in?”

“The cutters. Didn’t Ayelie Tell you she was the last one in the Suicide wing? I saw Caden too, He’s right across the hall from me.”

“Watch after him okay? I care about him.”

“Sure.” He nodded.

“Thanks. I have to find Owen, I haven’t seen him.”

“Oh he’s in room four. I have to find Ryder.”

I sat down in a chair and waited. The door opened and I sat up as Owen walked out. He grinned when He saw me and Held up his wrist showing off a red bracelet. I smiled and hurried over to him for a hug.

“You got your blue one taken off?”

“And your red.” He took my wrist.

“They’ll take off my blue in a week if I’m a good girl.”

“You better be on your best behavior then.” He backed down a hall.

“How are you and Clara?”

“Life’s good.”

“What wing are you in?” I raised my voice.

“Cutters, See around sweet cheeks.” He pointed at me and then turned around.

I headed back to my room, but didn’t stop at my door. I kept going four doors down. I raised my hand to knock and the door was pulled open.

Ryder and I looked at each other.

“Pink looks good on you.”

“Thanks.” He pulled down his jacket sleeve.

I held up my wrist, “Red free.”

He gave me a half smile.

“Okay look.” I dropped my arm. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For yelling at you and then leaving. I didn’t want you to see me cry.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.” I looked down at the floor.

“Hey,” He lifted my face, “You’re red free.”

“Where are we?” I asked.

“Here.” He kissed me.

“Break it up!” A nurse said. “No girls in boy’s room, vice versa. I mean it.”

I took a step back so I wasn’t standing in the thresh hold of Ryder’s door, and then looked at the nurse. He nodded and then walked down the hall.

“What an ass.” Ryder muttered.

“I know right?” I laughed.

Ryder picked me up and spun me around.

~Helga from hell~

I braved the lunch room alone.

“Bracelet please.”

I handed over the bracelet to the nurse who was nice to me. She smiled, took my wrist and put it under a scanner.

“Thank you Charlie.”

“Why aren’t you a watcher?” I asked.

“I’m took nice.” She sighed, “I hope you don’t get Helga. Rules.” She pointed.

I looked at a sign. All sleeves must be rolled up. I sighed and yanked up my sleeves. I grabbed food and sat down next to Clara. Ryder sat down on my other side, and Helga, sat on the end of the table.

“Well?” She demanded. “Eat.”

Caden was the first to brave talking to Helga, when all of us were finally together. She gave him a cold stare, and we all hurried to eat our food to get the hell away from Helga from Hell. I kept glancing at Caden. Maybe we could learn sign language next. Helga was old, and smelled like it. I fought the pressing urge to cover my nose with my shirt. She’d probably smack me anyways for trying to spit my food into my shirt.

She freed us after checking Clara, Ryder, and My cups for food. Damn, this bitch meant business.

~Perhaps if I got better~

Mr. Pepper’s class was us next. I was excited to see him. I had never had one of those teachers who made a big impact on my life.

“Hello Charlie.” He smiled at me.

“Hi.” I smiled back and held out my wrist.

“Oh Right.” He took my hand and stuck it under the scanner which beeped.

My picture popped up on the screen.

“Don’t you think these bracelets are a little much?” I questioned.

He looked out the door, and then leaned in.

“Of course I do.” He muttered, “It’s taking away freedom.”

“I guess that’s what it takes to get better.”

“Have a seat," He gave me a sad smile.

I nodded and went to my seat. Ryder sat down next to me, and I grabbed his hand.

“You okay?” He asked.

“Yeah.” I nodded.

He kissed my forehead, and a big group of students hurried into the class room.

“I like Mr. Pepper.” Ryder said. “He never really changes.”

I watched as he quickly scanned kids and sent them on their way.

“He believes in happy endings.”

“And you don’t?”

I smiled at him, “No. I don’t.”

“How are you going to get better if you have no hope?”

“You’re my hope.” I told him. “If you and Caden get better, that’s all that matters to me. If I lost either of you, I would need six blue bands.”

He looked down at his bag.

I saw a flash of blue on his wrist, “Ryder-“

“Apparently you never really get better from suicide thoughts.”

“So they gave you back your blue band?”

“I only made a comment, and then they strapped it on.”

“What was the comment?”

He looked down.

“Ryder?”

“They brought up your suicide attempt, so I said you were smart to do it.”

“Why would you say that?”

“It slipped out.”

“You’re too young to hate the world so much.”

“So are you.” He met my gaze.

“Guess we’re both older than our age.”

“I guess.”

I looked back down he and Kissed the back of my hand.

~Perfect wieght 88~

It was five in the morning. Clara and I had already taken our shower and we were standing in front of mirrors, doing our hair and makeup. A couple of nurses where standing around us watching us like hawks. Clara and I glanced at each other. She made a face at me, and then turned back to her mirror.  I smiled and turned to my mirror. Once I was finished with my hair and makeup I stood back and looked at myself.

Why Did I have to be so ugly? Why did I have to feel like I was ugly? I grabbed onto the bottom of my shirt, but before I could pull it up to make sure I could still see my ribs I remembered the nurses. I tugged on my shirt, and smoothed it down.

“Ready?” Clara muttered.

“I guess.”

We dropped our stuff at the room and then headed for the food hall. They had pancakes, so I picked up a plate of that and then sat down at our table. Owen told a story as everyone laughed. I poked at one of my pancakes, and angrily wiped at a tear that fell over.

“Hey you okay?” Ayelie touched my arm.

“I’m fine.”

“If your don’t eat you’ll be here all day.” Helga said to me.

“Want to fucking bet?”

“Charlie don’t!” Caden lunged across the table for my hand but jumped back just as fast.

I flipped my tray of food over, grabbed my bag and left the food hall. I went to the front office and up to the front desk.

“I’m not going to eat.”

“Why not?” The Woman asked.

“Because I’m fat, and Ugly. I don’t deserve to eat. Do what you have to do.”

I sat down on a bench, pulling up my legs, with my backpack at my right side. The woman reached for the phone. I don’t know how long I was sitting there when the front doors opened, and my name was called. I looked up at my name. When I saw who it was I let my head fall onto my knees and cried. When Cyrus put an arm around me I curled against him.

“What happened?” “I’m sick.” I sobbed.

“It’s okay.” He pulled me closer. “Just try to calm down. We can talk this out.”

I tried to calm down for three minutes.

“What brought this on?”

“I’m ugly.” I wiped at my face with soaked hands. “I’m fat. I don’t want to be here anymore. My stupid bracelets are itchy-“

I took in a gasp of breath.

“You’re not ugly or fat Charlie.” He looked at me. “How could you say that?”

“I don’t want to gain weight, I don’t want my cuts to be just scars, I want to go home. I don’t care if I’m sick. I’m not cut out to get better. I’ll always hate myself and no matter how much therapy I get, no matter how many people I have telling me I’m pretty, no matter how many bracelets I get taken off it will Never change. I knew that the second I started to think I was Ugly.”

“You’re not ugly.”

“How can you say that?” I demanded. “Look at me. I have ugly hair, One eye is bigger than the other when I smiled, my upper