The Bucket List by N. Y. (spicy books to read TXT) 📖

him.

 

His sense of morals was better and he no longer wore sweaters.

 

His hair was more of a dirty blonde from when I last saw him.

 

 

And he was different all right.

 

 

''Were you gone, most of the time? From class and school?'' he asks.

 

 

I reply turning my body halfway to him.

 

I'm looking at his red shirt and sealed lips before I can answer.

 

''Yeah.'' I reply.

 

 

He turns back to his friend or whoever was to his right.

 

There's a hesitation in the air, letting in other classmates conversation as he tries to talk to me again.

 

 

''Where did you go?'' he asks.

 

''Nowhere, just somewhere.'' I answer.

 

 

It made me feel better that he was being nice to me.

 

Maybe because he heard I was in the hospital.

 

 

Or he decided to make a change from his former self.

 

 

 

''Can you be more specfic?'' he asks, finally turning his whole body to me.

 

His eyes slightly gaze into mine as I tried to look away.

 

 

It was a long time since I had someone interested to know something about me.

 

It even scared me a bit.

 

 

I shift in my chair as he gets a clear look at my face.

 

 

''I was on vacation,...in Bora Bora. That's where i've been for the past 2 months.'' I replied.

 

I knew better than to make up a lie.

  

 

''Awesome.'' he says.

 

 

A small smile appears on my face as I tried to hide it, I didn't like smiling much.

 

It was one of my biggest weaknesses.

 

  

But it was a different smile. One that didn't wrinkle into my face.

 

It was quick and genuine.

 

 

''Thanks, I guess.'' I reply to him.

 

 

He turns back to his friend as the full conversations from everybody else echoed. I turn back looking at my desk.

 

It was a different look for once. I had just received my first compliment from a different boy.

 

 

But of course, there was once this boy who would stand up in front of the whole class and tell the world how beautiful and weird I was.

 

And that was over before I knew it.

 

Fickle Friends

   

''Okay, Lunch time. Be sure to use the restroom before coming back to class. We'll be watching a video on multiplication and talk more on math.'' Mrs. Grande says.

 

 

Students rush by me to get out of class.

 

I see Mrs. Grande pull out her tupperware with ravioli inside. She mostly ate her lunch up here from what I remember.

 

 

But during our time in math class, we had a break for lunch. Then come back and finish up before going on to the next class.

 

I'm still surprised I still remember.

 

 

I slowly make my way out of the classroom into the bustling hall of kids roaming the stairs down to lunch.

 

I had to admit, lunch was one of my worst spent time in school.

 

 

It was the lonely hour or 50 minutes I spent eating my lunch and regretting life.

 

 

I walked forward asIi make my way down the hall to where my locker was.

 

 

And by then I could feel it in my gut. Like water raving into the ground.

 

The sound of sirens ringing in my presence.

 

 

My stomach turned as I entered into the hallway where he stood.

 

He was there.

 

With his friends of course.

 

 

I've never thought about seeing him again when i'd get back into school.

 

In fact,...I didn't think of him at all today.

 

 

But I knew I had to face him one day, besides the last time I saw him.

 

It was fate by the gods that threw pity on me.

  

 

Even the twist in his name on my mind made me weak.

 

He was here.

 

 

I hide out nearing the hallways. Most of the students had emptied down the stairs and into the cafeteria.

 

The halls of the upstairs classrooms were dull and open.

 

 

I had to get my lunch box out of my locker and down my way to the cafeteria.

 

And it was going to be hard, especially catching a glimpse at him.

 

 

It's been a while since we've talked or even met up.

 

I don't know what to do, or what to even say when I come close to him again.

 

 

My head peeks into the hallway as he still stood talking with his friends.

 

 

I was gonna have to face my fear of seeing him again.

 

 

It's been about 2 months since i've seen him.

 

Since I got in that car and left.

 

 

He's probably a little surprised about me being back.

 

But I doubt it, he had enough to say before. But then again, that was before.

 

He's probably over it.

 

 

I quickly withdraw from peeking and officially enter into the hallway.

 

There's silence.

 

 

I look down and watch my feet pace on the white tile floors.

 

The knot in my stomach grew as I continued to walk.

 

 

I was afraid of what he might think.

 

Is he going to like my new haircut?

 

Will he start talking to me again? Better yet.

 

 

Is he still going to like me?

 

 

By the time I had looked up from my feet, i've paced to where he stood with his friends.

 

I take a slight glimpse as his face crinkles into a smile.

 

 

The same red hair and warm presence of his smile for a second.

 

God, i've missed that smile.

 

I missed the way that smile looked in my direction.

 

 

Seeing him again made me lose my focus, it was like a parallel attraction.

 

Both oppposites attract.

 

 

I was surprised to see him well and okay.

 

 

My eyes widen at how close i've gotten, without even noticing.

 

I walk back out to where I was before.

 

 

Then my feet make a fast pace from the group of his friends.

 

 

I cover my face by slightly leaning my head down.

 

I was a little embarassed by how close I was to him again.

 

 

But his group of friends were blocking the view, he couldn't see me.

 

But I wanted to part my way into the conversation and make him see what he missed.

 

 

We both knew what happened and we both know our bond is too strong to resist.

 

We'll eventually run into each other again, and then things will shoot from there.

 

 

My hands reach up to my locker as my eyes continued to stare at him.

 

 

I hadn't realized how I managed to make the way to my locker and still focus on what my plan was.

 

 

The sound of his voice booms into the air.

 

I keep watch on him as my hands work on the lock.

 

 

I wondered if he saw me or better, if he recognized me.

 

I doubt it.

 

He probably couldn't see right through me or stop talking to realize it's me, Alex.

 

 

I admit, besides the news and the 'back to school welcome party' by all the people who noticed me.

 

I missed him the most.

 

 

I missed Tyler so much.

 

 

My locker opens on command as I noticed how far into the thought I was going.

 

I didn't even look up to see if I had the numbers right.

 

 

I finally gaze into my locker, taking out my lunch box.

 

 

I didn't prepare myself for what might happen when we bump into each other again.

 

 

But I had to push through.

 

 

Who knows what might happen if we cross paths again, and if he notices, it could be worse.

 

We wouldn't speak or suddenly I don't exist anymore.

 

 

My mind shouldn't play tricks on me like that, but it seemed right.

 

That might just happen, one or the other.

 

 

I push against my locker door as I turn back to where Tyler is with his friends.

 

They still haven't moved yet and I had to let that sink in.

 

It's time to turn on the confidence.

 

 

I kept my head down as I start walking back, heading down the hallway.

 

 

All I have to do, is go to the cafeteria, pass by him and go to the cafeteria.

 

I kept repeating the words in my hand.

 

 

But by the time I made the slow, fast pace to where he was, I lost my focus again.

 

My head had leaned up before I noticed.

 

 

I was no longer hunched over to cover myself from the embarassment.

 

I was fully confident.

 

 

But this time I was not staring at Tyler or any of his friends.

 

I was looking forward, being the strong superhero I knew I once was when I left the hospital this morning.

 

 

Not at a care in the world.

 

 

And just like that I passed by Tyler and his group of friends again.

 

This time with a little more ease.

 

 

But then the knot came back.

 

All hope pulled down on me.

 

 

I was back to normal Alex.

 

The race of confidence I had left, I felt myself move more slowly.

 

 

I knew that feeling I had before, the one I couldn't quite understand.

 

Tyler was watching me.

 

 

I could feel it in my fingers, his eyes were looking at me.

 

I still kept my head high, but I bent it down a little.

 

 

Tyler took control again, just like always.

 

And I was left feeling confused.

 

 

He probably knew it was me, but I didn't mind anymore.

 

 

I had finally reached the end of the hallway and made a fast run towards the stairs.

 

The same stairs from which I came up just earlier.

 

 

I was glad to be getting out of that weird slow moment that passed.

 

It seemed like forever.

 

My hands wrap around the staircase handles as I took one last step.

 

 

I had reached the cafeteria. The same old sunny, dim cafeteria.

 

Nothing had changed from here either and the food was the same.

 

 

The tuna cassorole I hated from the smell. The bad salad.

 

And french fries, old and hard enough to key a car.

 

The lunch here sucked, and that's when I decided to bring my own lunch.

 

 

I watched students in line turn away from their trays as they continued further down.

 

My hands grip at my lunch box handle as I purse my lips.

 

 

All of the faces I recognized were here.

 

Students pass by as I slowly step into the cafeteria.

 

 

Here I was again.

 

The same old routine, for god's sake.

 

 

My feet finally move without my intention, i've drawn myself to the old table where I ate lunch.

 

The bare and beautiful sight.

 

 

The pale brown color and rim ends made it seem like a safe haven.

 

This was where I sat, this was where it possibly all began.

 

Everything.

 

 

From the moment I stepped foot into this school, to the desparate cries during lunch.

 

From the scary nervous moments of anxiety, to those smiles that never seem to go away.

 

 

This was my spot, where I began the life of regular old Alex.

 

It's kind of a big deal.

 

 

My smile slowly forms as I walk over to the table.

 

Everyone else bustles in line to get food and others pile up in tables just nearby.

 

 

I sat with my lunch box planted on the table in front of me.

 

 

I remember I used to do this so vividly. I'd sit down and open up my lunch to eat.

 

Of course that was 2 months ago, but I felt shiny and brand new to get back into it.

 

  

There's a ham and cheese sandwich, carrots if I wanted that day.

 

2 sugar cookies, one I would share with Tyler if he's lucky to get one from me.

 

 

And a small water bottle, just like usual.

 

 

My eyes stare at the similar lunch I had most of the time. The lunch box seemed emptier than before.

 

Something was missing.

 

I would throw an apple in just for a little kick.

 

 

But Aunt Carol didn't pack an apple for me.

 

It didn't make me upset, but I just wished I had some type of fruit to eat.

 

 

She knew how much I liked the red apples.

 

 

My head hangs low as it always does when I eat.

 

I don't like to look up at anything or anyone when i'm eating, I just like to focus on my chews. 

 

 

I take the wrap off my sandwich and took a bite into it.

 

The white bread and cheese get stuck beneath my bottom teeth.

 

 

It