Just Another Chav Town Freak Out by Al Calm (best mystery novels of all time txt) 📖

of it. The doctor goes and I'm left alone with the passed out bald cocksucker. Great! What fucking hospital is this anyway? Shit, I really need a phone. First thing's first, though, as I manage to press my call button - to sort out my drip - I still feel fucked! That'll let them know I'm awake, then I got to think where that goofball fucker's hiding out.     ChavDogzRehabbin'Savaged

I'm still in hospital. Not that it matters now, as I've spent ages plotting my escape. I've phoned Melissa and given her the lowdown about her dumb son. I did try. She started getting a bit saucy on the phone, but that weird doc's hovering around me. I don't know why. The bald nurse has gone, and some small Asian woman comes in and out to attend to me. You know what's odd, too: I never been to this type of hospital before - I think it's one of those new test centres. I'm getting real para now.

You know it smells like one of those places where they start fucking around with you and doing all wack shit. All I've had so far is a few blowjobs. I'm getting the fear I'll turn up like a zombie. You never can tell these days, right? That's what I tell myself. I phone Melissa again, but no one answers. She's with Franco, a skaggy mate of mine - probably getting a good guilt free fuck right now. I know Franco loses his feeling for sex when he's bang on, but as soon as he's feeling a bit better, he's back in Ron Jeremy form. Shit, I even phone Goofball's mobile, leaving a strange message. He's at a rave, Tyke's there,Savage Rehab. Fucker got to be a V records event. That little fucker! He'll be the reason me and Melissa split up. Though, maybe I'm not too fussed. I'm thinking of getting back into the swing thing.

The other thing being that Melissa is a nympho, she can't let her cunt go dry, so it's going to happen anyway. It's real messed up that. I like that, though. And that turns me on a bit, though I'm getting bored of wanking in here. I decide to get myself ready. I'm getting out of this weird hospital for good. I put on some bloody overalls I've taken from a wasted porter, and slip on my trainers. As I'm sneaking down the corridor, that weird Doc sees me and starts hissing at me. He goes to run after me, but he's a bit of a pie to put it mildly - he's never going to catch up with me! And I'm fucked!

He might be able to sit on me as well, and that would definitely fuck me up. I don't let him get close enough and he gives up trying to run after the mere thought of maybe doing a 100metre sprint. Bolted. So I sprint out, stoner sprint, making sure I've left the place for dead. I'm so eager to get out of that shithole, I realise I'm in the middle of fucking nowhere. Who builds a fucking hospital in the middle of nowhere? Exactly earthbound brothers and sisters! I must be on some type of private land - the home of really powerful people.

It's lucky I used to be a bit of a revolutionary, when I was a bit more sober and all. But it didn't stop me being clued up about how to get away. I know the signs. Though I'm freaking out a bit, I wonder how I can move so well. It must be that shit in the drip. I look down a country path and see Chip Girl. I'm sure it's her. She's looking like some crackedwhored Pop Star ghost and showing me her butt, wriggling it in my face, then gyrating for me. She's trying to get me to follow her. I'm sure I'm tripping out, but I've done this before. Most of the time, these random flashbacks lead somewhere. I think so. 

Chavrattin

I'm in some odd trance, right? Look, I don't know if I've gone into some wack mode - I can't see even Chip Girl no more - but my brain is getting hot and I've stumbled towards some heath. I look around and see loads of people around me just fucking like mad. All sweating and grunting. The smell of B.O., cunt and cock seems to be creating a cloud over the park. Fat hairy chavs fucking each other like mad, some poofs are probably around too: they're all going for it - some groups going fourways, double dipping, cock fighting in mouths, pissing on each other and loads of other kinky shit. It's fucking wack alright!!!

To be honest, I'm still thinking about how to make this up to Melissa. That son of hers - that fucking goofball fucker! - really getting me into some serious shit. I look at the floor and see some old newspaper, covered in blood and cum. Shit, it's got a picture of Goofball in the news section. He's now some hanging on to some pappy pop star - a politician's daughter called Fudge Vanilla. That's not her real name I don't think - though I remember some tasty sextapes she's been in. My mate, Franco got them for me. It's not like I went looking for them. Franco gets everything like that. But she's fucking hot, that's one thing I know. I'm pleased Goofball hasn't tried to eat her yet.

While I'm trying to read this shitty paper, I get tugged down by some fat chav. She's fit, even though her front teeth are missing. She's looking good in a tight leather basque and ripped fishnets. She's real horny and suddenly jumps on top of me,trying to dry hump me at first. I must've let my clothes slip off, as before I know it, we're going at it, fucking like mad. I'm sliding my cock into her and making her take it from behind, her lovely booty really giving it some. She shitfarts really loudly, and that just gets me more turned on, I am not joking. It's animal.

I'm really plugging her hard and she's loving it. I'm starting to get a bit sore though. Fuck, I can't blame her, but I really didn't know that this sort've thing was here. There's some shouts not far off, and there's some really weird bright lights over us. It's gotta be a UFO? But everyone starts legging it, grabbing clothes and lube and all that. But I fall down in some ditch. Fucking typical: sore cock, I didn't cum again and I'm naked in a shitty ditch.

Goofshit

I get lifted up by some cops. They look like cops anyway. But I notice, they're just in those bright jackets to make them look like fucking authority fuckers. They smirk at me. One of them has a massive nose and his mate has a squashed nose, which probably got broken playing some sport or in a fucking fight. They both wear dodgy baseball caps - just to make them think they're like the feds. Bloody tightass law chancers. Probably failed cops. You know the type? They make everyone's life miserable with their jobsworth antics.

"Eh, eh? Who we got here, Wally", Big Nose says to Squash Nose Wally.

"I don't know Les. Looks like a poof. A naked poof." Wally is laughing at me.

"I need some clothes dudes, is that OK?" Wally grabs me by the throat, while Les squeezes my foreskin. I gasp

"No, mate. We're not fucking dudes. We're after some hippy fucker like you."

"Me? I'm no hippy", I gulp.

 "You fucking bums are all the same, fucking useless fucking druggies!"

"Look, Les - it's Les right? What can I do to make it sound like it's not me?"

Les looks at me calmly. Then calmly looks at Wally. Wally stops squeezing my throat and puts his donkey jacket over me. Les, somewhat slowly, releases his grip on my foreskin, but it's even more sore now. And I'm freezing and really need a piss. It's dribble, soon I'll flow. Wally stops me and says: 

"Shut it tart - you're coming to see the boss!" 

It's here that I don't remember anything else, as they really kick the shit out of me and drag me away across the heath. I have the knowledge that I pissed all over them, if it was the last thing I ever do. I just wish I was able to find that Goofball first.

Shit, that was bad. Yeah, I'm naked and bruised. I don't have a fucking clue what's going on. Those fuckers - you know, Les and Wally - have suddenly fucked off. I don't know where I am. I'm in some really bright room. I don't know. I think I'm in some sort of prison. For a bit I think it looks like the place out of The Ipcress File. I don't feel like Michael Caine, though. I'm still wondering what the fuck's going on. It’s more like some manga porno, you know the one in the hospital and the doctors are getting it on with everyone? Maybe not, but you might like it.

I've got really bad dry mouth, fucking all the shit I've done, I would have taken beer over water. But then again, water will just have to do. There's a box in the corner of the room, fuck knows why. It's got lights everywhere here. It's messed my vision for good. I don't want to think about seeing weird things, seeing Chip Girl. I know it's her, but she's not there. That's one crazy bitch, I think she rocked my world. Then I think of Goofball - that daft popwhore brat. I got no hope of finding him now. Shit, that's when I think of Melissa. I hate seeing her cry. I don't mind her as a person, you know, but I think she's fucking around anyway. I just shrug it off, but I'm still seeing things again. It's not the real Chip Girl this time, but some manga cosplay avatar of her. Shit, I need to shit.