Just Another Chav Town Freak Out by Al Calm (best mystery novels of all time txt) 📖

up at the end or subsidised by the taxpayer? I'm sure we can claim it back. Anyway, after a few lines, I start to get with it down here - it's real good shit too, makes you a bit doolally! Where’s the fucking MD? I even try some of that vile shit the BDSM fuckers are doing and it makes me feel a bit ill, but I'm really off my nut now so I don’t give a fuck. That No Funk tune drops, wicked. I dig that. Hoping for the new Dubplate Style mix and the new Audio remix.  I’m zoning, I ain’t noticed shit about anything. I definitely am a shit private eye but it me only good deed. And I shouldn't mix chemicals, heart pounding like a horny gerbil, but I've done it all before. Fucking education, right? You knows it! 

I don't mind, trends change but the highs don't, I suppose. They can, when they’re cut with shit you don’t know and it’s legal. That legal shit fucks you more than the illegal shit, which fucking screwy, but I like it all. Just don’t get too greedy, but that’s a tough call!

 Yeah, I think I'm going to enjoy this. I start to whizz around like I'm an aeroplane, I know I've got one brain cell, and I try to dry hump some BDSM chick, who's looking wasted. I then get my dick out and try to stick it in her mouth - she's really foaming at the mouth, there's lots of dried cum already around it, smeared with her lippy. I think she's had some kinda fit too. But I'm getting hard on fever. I'm going crazy, but that's got to be the way here at Parliament. I start wanking over her, she's pretty out of it though - thank fuck! 

Shit, I get all fearful, as I shoot my load over her foamy face - she looks like Chip Girl! A dead ringer man! It can't be though, but I'm getting all hyperspaced and can't really think too well! I don't know why I licked the cum and foamy saliva off her cute little face, it fucking turned me on again real quick. And the bowl of coke was handy. I hug her for a bit too which is the least I can do. You know ladies can geet emotional man. I need some green quick though. OK, I'm turning into cokeydick, that's me. I'm feeling weird now. I'm sure every pore started to burn, I'm swimming in my own sweat again, like in some cartoon or after wakeup juice. 

You know when you have to do everything really quick and you chat so quickly, you're just not making sense - fuck you can't remember what you just said anyway! But you have to talk and talk and talk and lick and slurp and puke and get it out and make a sound - even if you sould like a complete fucking dickhead? I go aeroplane again, making zooming whizzing noises. This gets a little freaky: as I'm doing my aeroplane thing, minding my own business, some bald goth tries to rub his face in my arse, and I give him what for. Not in a gay way, you know how! We don't kiss - not properly anyway, there's a rough weird kind of moment - so I kinda beat him up a bit. I think the faggy fucker likes it like that way, I wanted to save my strength - it's not worth it wasting it on a turdpirate. I kinda hope he'd just suck me off, just in case some chick won't later on. You know, some people get fussy man! But that fucker looks real familiar - fuck knows where I'd seen that freak before though! Why is everything so fucking fucked up? 

FreekeeChavee

That's when I turn around and see these freaky looking fucks: three Lesbian kinda zombie looking vampire's dressed like nuns, but these nuns are fucking Nazi's too. They got swastikas all over their PVC garb. Real freaking looking lesbo Nazi nuns - all looking right at me. Fuck, it got me well horny, they even start doing some little show for me - flashing their fake titties, slapping and fisting their sore pussies and showing their blood stained fangs in my face. I love it when they lick their bloody fingers, smearing their pussy juices on each other. They all had trim pubes too, all clotted with blood and cum. Some fucking nuns. Shit, it's getting hot man, I feel loose. Fuck knows what they want, but they close in on me real fast. They notice me and I dig they dig me. I'm guessing what's going to happen next and my precum is already leaking down my legs. I think they wanted to get a cell to make a movie!  

I'm very cool with that. We don't really speak, they make a weird kinda gurgle sound and bring up blood, a few clumps of flesh - only now and again though. So the small talks definitely out of the window, that's all cool with me. Shit, they need one of those Twilight makeup kits! They're suddenly looking pretty undead to me - I hit the nosecandy a bit more, that's better. They look much better, and I'm getting really superhard, it feels like my cock might pop. The Nazi nun thing is kinda retro too, they seem real horny. Or hungry - either way, I'm hoping I'll learn a few tricks. They look like real pros, as they rip off my clothes. It's  the usual rough treatment - that's cool with me.

They pinch me a lot too, putting crocodile clips on my balls, slapping my hard Johnson. They keep laughing at it, I don't know why. The crocodile clips annoy me a bit, as one of them is loose on my balls and keeps trying to slip up my arse. Don't ask how - gravity can be a right fucker! It's getting real hot in here, I'm boiling. I really need a drink, I'm getting foamy everywhere. One of these lesbo Nazi nuns pisses blood over me, sticking small crocodile clips on her hard, sore, nipples. Then she slaps her sore red cunt into my face, pissing on me again, she then pegs her stretchy flaps and slaps them into my face again, really rubbing them in. One of those pegs almost embeds itself right up my nose. I can't describe the taste, I'm not fucking Loyd Grossman - it's real smelly though, like toxic fish. This horny Nazi nun starts to rub all the juices in me, while the other two get lesbo - kissing each other and all that porno lesbo act. I'm hoping for some lesbo toe sucking and clamrubbing. But I'm staring at those two going for it, while this one keeps rubbing in her bloody piss and squirt juices into me. It's just like a massage I got in Amsterdam.

Before it finishes, some stick thin girl appears carrying some old musket. This chick looks skagged up, she's wearing a bikini top, the tiniest skirt thing I've ever seen, it looks like a bandana. She's got fucking old Tango cans in her gingeryblonde hair and cigarette sunglasses on. It's all ruined by the glittery platforms. Fucking confusing, but real tame. She's got to be a Pop Star, but she's slowly aiming the musket right at me and saying something to me.

"Duck, you shit head! Fucking duck you fucking freak, duck!" she growls.

"What? Now?" I mumble.

I just clock that the floor is covered with a slimy layer of blood, shit, cum and urine. I didn't mean to put my face into it, as I eventually duck down, and she fires the musket at the lesbo vampire Nazi nuns. Shit, that's fucking loud! They should make silencers for those things! I look through the smoke, seeing jackshit. It smells bad still. The smoke clears a bit and one of those freaky Nazi nun dykes chicks just explodes, right in front of me - the other two run away on fire and screaming in pain, their fake boobs melting away. I get angry, fuck knows why! It might be the coke talking, but I square up to this weird Pop Chick. She turns away from my shitty face, but smiles at me. That gets my blood really boiling.

"What the fuck you doing man!? That's a fucking good sex show!? It's a freebie - on the taxpayer! I'm kinda seeing it as a rebate sorta thing, you know? Gimme a break!" 

"Whatever man! I just saved you!"

"What? You the fuzz?"

"That all you got to say? Should say thanks to me, youngblood! You're the private eye, right?"

"No, no. Sorta. I don't know? Youngblood?Did you just call me youngblood, kid?"

"And? So what? Kid!" 

"Shit, that's funny. Sorry, I'm just laughing. I got to laugh, it's fucking me up! All this headshit just to look for that crazy Goofball! "

"The cannibal celeb killer? He'll be after me soon. I've been warned. I just know you're not suppose to make it out of here, that's all. It's all political - goes right to the top, fuckhead. If you stay here, you'll forget about the real world - it's all a plan. And you won't say shit about Goofball, so he can continue his celeb feeding frenzy."  

 "Shit, lady, who the fuck are you to lay this JFK shit on me? I'm cool here!"

"They're trying to kill you, you thick schmuck, and I'm here to take you to a safer place."

" Shit, really? Why didn't you say babe?"

She smiled at me, but she was probably losing patience.

"You don't know who I am?"

"Nope."

"I'm Fudge Vanilla. The pop star."

"Oh right, cool. Can you get me a beer and a smoke?"

" Fuck you man, you're meant to want my autograph or your picture with me!"

"No, man, it's cool. I'm not like that dude. Nice work if you can get it though, right?"

 "My daddy got me this record deal and I'm not sure it's what I want now. I'm going to retire soon, I don't like this shit."

"Cool. Stick with the indie thing, right? Do what Congo Natty and Dillinja do, do stuff under loadsa other names?"

"Fine, you dick. Look here, I'll explain later but let's go somewhere safer. They might be back with the rest of the coven."

"What?"

"Follow me you penis!"

I realise my clothes have been ripped up pretty bad by those freaky dykes. I didn't want to use those leathers. But oh well - what the hell. I took the bowl of coke with me too. For medicinal purposes, you know. Just in case of emergencies, right? The pop star, Fudge Vanilla, didn't look too pleased with me. I noticed Fudge Vanilla has a blunt tucked into the side of one of her glittery platforms. But she didn't say anything else, she grabbed me towards another part of the dungeon, and we stroll on through some massive mirror. I know, I think someone laced something with--

ChompChav101vibes

Don't ask - I'm still sussing it all out man. This shit sure is good, though. Once we're through the mirror door thing, we start going down loads and loads of really large stone stairs. Shit, I had some gut vibe it's a bad idea - she's taking me further down into this freaky dungeon! It's too late to turn back. Shit! But I'm too horny to do anything else, I'm following her peachy butt. I can't help it, I'm only human, right? Secretly I hope she's leading me somewhere private so we can fuck and do a lot of shit away from the rest of the orgy. 

Fudge Vanilla turns around - just to glare at me. She's real angry. 

"We'll drink and everything when we get there" she mutters.

"Where?" I manage to murmur, inbetween snorts off the back of my hand.

"Soon, fuck head. Soon. Keep up, they'll be looking for you."

" Really? Another party?"

"Yeah! To kill you, cockhead!"

"Shit. Heavy. They take fun seriously here, man. We should smoke that blunt now, right?"

"It's for later - what the fuck are you like?"

"What?"

"Shut up and keep walking penis!"

Harsh or what? I kinda went all thinky and got snips of random shit of my past, you where time just blurs to shit for a bit. Yeah, I got the