Joe Miller's Jests, or The Wits Vade-Mecum by John Mottley and Joe Miller (interesting books to read for teens txt) 📖

Servants of the Household. A fat Country Parson having, on one of these Days a strong Inclination to make one of the Company, Captain B-d-ns, promised to introduce him, but coming to the Gate, the Keepers would have stopp'd him, by telling him, none but the Houshold were to be admitted: Why, d—mn you, said the Captain, don't you know the Gentleman? He's his Majesty's Hunting-Chaplain: Upon which the Keepers asked Pardon, and left the reverend Gentleman to Recreation.

245. The learned Mr. Charles Barnard, Serjeant Surgeon to Queen Anne, being very severe upon Parsons having Pluralities. A reverend and worthy Divine heard him a good while with Patience, but at length took him up with this Question, Why do you Mr. Serjeant Barnard rail thus at Pluralities, who have always so many Sine-Cures upon your own Hands?

246. Dr. Lloyd, Bishop of Worcester, so eminent for his Prophesies, when by his Sollicitations and Compliance at Court, he got removed from a poor Welch Bishoprick to a rich English one. A reverend Dean of the Church said, That he found his Brother Lloyd spelt Prophet with an F[2].

247. A worthy old Gentleman in the Country, having employ'd an Attorney, of whom he had a pretty good Opinion, to do some Law Business for him in London, he was greatly surprized on his coming to Town, and demanding his Bill of Law Charges, to find that it amounted to at least three Times the Sum he expected; the honest Attorney assured him, that there was no Article in his Bill, but what was fair and reasonable: Nay, said the Country Gentleman, here is one of them I am sure cannot be so, for you have set down three Shillings and four Pence for going to Southwark, when none of my Business lay that Way; pray what is the Meaning of that Sir; Oh! Sir, said he, that was for fetching the Chine and Turkey from the Carriers, that you sent me for a Present, out of the Country.

FINIS.