The Experiment by Cassidy Shay (i can read with my eyes shut .txt) 📖

tried to talk to me, but I choose to ignore him. At night, I shy away from his touch, dodge his kiss. Loving just hurts too much.
The only joy in my day is Belle. Taking her to the cafeteria so she can play with Aron, playing with her in the room, are the only happy parts of my day.
Julie can sometimes get a few words out of me, but mostly we just sit and watch our kids play together, pretending not to have a care in the word.
I’ve lost Sarah completely. She’s married now, and only comes by about once every two weeks. She doesn’t stay long, though, because she knows I don’t like company.
One day, as I’m taking Belle to play with Aron, Dr. Pender stops me. “Are you going down to see Julie and Aron?” I nod. “Go drop off Belle and then come back up here. There’s something important that I need to talk to you about.”
I nod again, but don’t say anything out loud. She places a hand on my shoulder. “And Meagan, remember that loss is a part of life. It’s not the end of the world.”
I walk Belle down to Julie’s floor. I quickly explain that I can’t stay, but will be back for Belle soon. As I’m walking back to Dr. Pender’s office, I feel something change. Of course this isn’t the end of the world.

The only way that it could be the end of the world is if I let it get in the way. I have to make sure that Belle gets the things she needs to be able to save the world. I have to give her those things.
By the time I get to Dr. Pender’s office, things fit together again. I’m no longer afraid of love, but I now want to run straight into it. I know that there was a reason that my baby didn’t make it. It was a lesson. Even after everything I’ve been through, I still haven’t learned to let go.
I walk into the office and plop onto the couch as if I am care-free and have nothing to worry about. It’s an act, of course. In the short amount of time that it took to walk from Julie’s room to here, I wasn’t completely cured of my depression. But I need to make an effort to look like I’m okay. For Belle. Looking at Dr. Pender’s expression, I think that maybe I do have things to worry about after all.
“Meagan, things are bad. I’m actually not supposed to talk to you about this, but it affects you.” She takes a deep breath. “I don’t know if you know this or not. But for the Azuli that can see into the future, we make them record every new vision that they have. Recently, a man had a vision of a revolution. And to signal the other rebels, they used pennies.” That instantly grabs my attention. “Everyone things that you’re going to start the revolution, and lead it.”
“But that doesn’t mean anything,” I say. “It could be another Penny. Or someone who’s not even named Penny. It could be some random person that’s leading the revolution.” It could be my daughter.

“I know, Meagan. I know. Just be careful, okay? Lay low for a while. Try your best not to bring attention to yourself.”
I nod. “Thanks for looking out for me. Will you let me know if you hear anything else about it?”
“Of course. But no one can know that I told you. Try not to make it obvious that you know.” She walks me to the door of the office, and places a hand on my shoulder for the second time today. “Be careful, Meagan.”
I go back to Julie’s room to help her watch the kids. For a couple minutes after I come in, it’s silent. Finally, I say, “Sorry that I’ve been so distant the past couple months. I shouldn’t have blocked everyone out. You’d think that by now I’d be used to losing people. I guess not, though.”
She looks shocked to hear words coming out of my mouth. She starts to say something, but then stops before sound has a change to escape. “I know that it’s not the end of the world, and I need to stop being so depressed so that I can actually be a mother to Belle and a wife to Mathew.”
A smile spreads across her face. This time, when she talks, she actually gets it all out. “Well, welcome back, Meagan.”
We talk for hours. She talks about how, after almost four years, she’s finally getting her friends back. I talk about how, after three months, I have to get Mathew back. We talk about the kids, and we talk about the Academy and how it’s changed. “I hear the new warden is trying to get it so that we can have supervised visits outside of the Academy,” she tells me.
“Really? That seems strange, especially since we’re not even allowed to go to different floors within this building.” She nods. “But the world is changing. Maybe this dictatorship is finally coming to an end.”
After a while, I take Belle back up to our room and start getting dinner ready for Mathew. It’s been three months since I made anything, and I stand by the sink for a while, trying to decide what to make. Finally, I decide to make grilled cheese sandwiches. I grab two slices of bread for each of us, and start slicing the cheese. While they’re on the stove, Mathew comes home. “Hi, Mathew,” I say, and go over to give him a kiss.

Chapter 15

It’s the first time in months that my lips have come in contact with any part of his body. It’s like fire and ice, day and night. “I missed you,” he murmurs when we break apart.”
“I know. I’m sorry for leaving like that.” I go to check on the sandwiches, and flip them. “But I’m okay now.” I laugh a bit. “Well, I’m going to pretend that I’m okay until I really am. I had a talk with Dr. Pender that really changed things, and I realized what my priorities are.” I put a sandwich on a plate and carry them to the table. “Belle, come eat your sandwich.”
“How did you do it so quickly? Just this morning, you were like a zombie.”
“Dr. Pender helped me realize that I have a job to do. I have to raise this child to be able to save the world. I can’t do that if I’m not really here.” As we eat, Mathew keeps looking at me, a huge smile on his face. “What?” I say, after he’s smiled at me for the eleventh time.
“Nothing,” he answers. “It’s just good to have my Meagan back.” As he says this, his hand wraps around mine.
“Well, it’s good to be back.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A couple of weeks pass, and I’m back to my old sel. I have all my friends back, and I almost always have a smile on my face. Pretending to be alright has actually helped me heal, and the empty spot in my chest grows smaller every day.
But at the same time, the smile hides so much. Every couple days, I learn more about the revolution. And it’s not good.
The revolution that the man saw has officially begun. Slowly but surely, people are starting to revolt. Using small acts of rebellion, people are creating a wave that reaches from one end of the continent for the other. No one is answering the doors when the Vipero comes to pay their daily visits, and people are refusing to buy certain products that the government has required them to purchase.
There has only been one official riot, though. It happened in the town that I used to live in, and seven people were killed. Of those seven people, my parents were two.
When Dr. Pender told me, I didn’t know how to react. I wish I would have cried, but I couldn’t. I don’t know them enough to be able to cry over their deaths.
I have kept the details about the revolution secret- I didn’t even tell Mathew. Instead, I dream about it, and other times I can’t get to sleep because my thoughts are racing around the idea of a revolution, of freedom.
Mathew notices that I have something on my mind, but I don’t tell him no matter how much he begs. I know that he can’t stand to not know, that he hates not being able to be there for me. He’s scared that I’ll go back to how I was. But I can’t tell him.
So at night I lay alone with my thoughts. It’s been a week since I got any sleep. But tonight, I am not alone. Tonight, Collin is here to talk things over with me.
It’s been a long time since I’ve seen Collin. Almost a year, I think. But he’s here tonight, and I think that I might finally get some sleep after he leaves. He’s helping me to understand my thoughts.
“Meagan, people have always rebelled. Think of the American revolution. They felt that things were unfair, so they revolted against England and became free. Of course that was thousands of years ago, but that war was fought on the same soil as this one will be fought, and the blood of the revolutionaries runs through the veins of today’s rebels. The taste of freedom is one that they are familiar with. Then there’s the French. They weren’t fighting for independence from another country, but from their own government. They didn’t like how things were being run, so they worked together to change things. All the civil wars in the third world countries were trying to make a difference, make history. And that’s what these people are trying to do now. All that they need is a leader.”
I nod, and the movement makes Mathew shift. “I understand that,” I whisper to him. “But what I don’t understand is why I’m tied into all of this. It’s not like I started the revolution.”
“Actually, you did,” he tells me. “Maybe not outside the Academy, but you started your own little rebellion by trying to escape.” I start to shake my head. “When everyone found out that you tried, you were a hero. Most people believed that you really were killed. But there were some who believed that you got away. For a couple weeks, all Hell broke loose down there.”
“There’s no way that I could possibly be a hero.” Mathew moves again, so I bring my voice back down to a whisper. “I didn’t do anything but fall for a stupid trap.”
“But you gave them hope. By leaving them with a mystery, you gave them hope.” I shake my head, but Collin just nods. “I have to go now,” he says. “Just remember, Penny. I’m always thinking of you. And I know that you