The Experiment by Cassidy Shay (i can read with my eyes shut .txt) 📖

we won’t be controlled by a tyrant, we’ll be able to make our own decisions about what we want to do with our lives, what we will become. One day, the Exception will guide us.”
His words held my attention more than anything else ever had. His speech excited me, and I felt like I should be celebrating just at the idea of freedom. His gaze, shifting to the doorway, told me that that would be a very bad idea, so I kept quiet.
His hands shook as he reached out a hand and placed it on someone’s shoulder. “You might be a teacher.” He moved his hand to each person; naming a career that they might possibly go into once the Exception has his way. When his hand rested on my shoulder, his eyes twinkled. “You’ll be an important one. You can count on it.”
He went on to describe what would happen once the Exception came into existence. “They’ll have the Memories, but not the physical characteristics of Azuli. They’ll lead a rebellion and end the dictatorship. We’ll be free.”
Just then, three Vipero came up behind him. One knocked him over the head, causing him to fall out of consciousness. The other two began to drag him down the hall. The first one looked all of us in the eye as he spoke.
“Unless you want trouble, you better forget everything that that man’s ever told you.”
And that’s what we did. For over ten years, I forgot about the story teller, about his wild stories from the past and future. I forgot his predictions, and I forgot about the Exception.
Until today.
Belle’s story brought the memory back, and now it’s stuck in my head, right on the front burner of my mind. Getting ready for bed, Mathew notices that I’m not about to concentrate very well. He watches as I put Belle’s jammies on backwards three times before he steps in.
“I’ll get her ready. Why don’t you just go get into bed?” I sigh and go over to the bed, but I just sit, close my eyes, and put my hand on my belly. Will this child be like Belle? Will all of my children unite and lead the rebellion? Or will this child be normal?

“He can’t be like Belle,” says a familiar voice. I haven’t heard it in a long time, but it’s a voice that I will always know. I feel fingertips brush my face, then move to my hand, and I know that if I open my eyes, I will see Collin in front of me. I keep my eyes shut as he continues talking. “Belle has the genes of an Azulate and someone who’s not an Azulate. This one doesn’t.”
The fingertips on my hand change, and I recognize them as Mathew’s. “What’s going on, Meagan? Ever since dinner, you’ve been acting weird.”
“When I was little, there was a man. He could see forward, and he told us stories.” I told him the whole story about the Exception, and he didn’t say anything for a long time.
When he finally did say something, he mumbled it too quietly for me to hear, so I asked him to repeat it. “We have a lot of responsibility now. I mean… she’s the only hope for the rest of the world, I guess. We can’t mess that us.”
I nod. “It’ll be a lot of work.” Then, I think of something. “She’ll need leadership skills. Where is she supposed to get those? I’m definitely not a leader. I can’t even come up with an actual plan to get myself out of here. How am I supposed to raise her to be a leader and lead an entire revolution?” He shakes his head.
“Well, let’s not worry about that tonight. It’s a lot to soak in for one night. Let’s get some rest, and we can worry about that in the morning.” I nod and stand up so that I can get ready for bed. When I get under the covers, I’m instantly asleep.
For the next couple weeks, I wake up puking, then take Belle to play with Aron. We see less and less of Sarah as she and Max get plans together for their wedding.
After three and a half months, it’s time to go see if the baby is a boy or a girl. Mathew gets the day off, and he and I take Belle into Dr. Pender’s office and get ready for the ultrasound. I lay down on the bed and Mathew and Belle sit in the chairs against the wall.
The computer next to me hums as Dr. Pender presses buttons and gets ready. “Let’s see this baby,” she says.
It’s only my second ultrasound for this pregnancy. The first was two weeks after I found out I was pregnant, just to make sure that everything was as it should be.
Now, we all sit, waiting for the image to appear on the screen. She puts blue gel on my stomach, spread it around with the camera, and then turns the monitor on.
I see my baby, its tiny arms and small fingers. Dr. Pender moves the camera around and points to a spot on the screen. “See that?” she asks me.
I nod and smile, then look over at Mathew. “Congratulations. You’ve got a son.” I reach out my hand and intertwine my fingers with his.
I look over at Dr. Pender, but she’s not sharing the happy moment. Her face is contorted, her beautiful features distorted by frustration and confusion. “What’s wrong?” I ask her. I look at the screen, trying to find a defect, something missing or something there, something that isn’t right.
She turns a knob on the computer, but nothing changes. She hits the volume button on the computer, turning it all the way up. All we hear is the silent noise of an unborn baby, waiting for delivery. A delivery that won’t come.
“I can’t find a heartbeat,” she says.

Chapter 14

We go back to our room, numb. Belle didn’t quite understand what happened, but she does know that something’s wrong. The three of us don’t say a word as we walk down the hall.
We get in the door and Belle goes straight to the corner with her toys, leaving Mathew and I alone to talk. She usually does this, leaves us alone when she knows she can’t do anything to comfort me. As soon as the door shuts, Mathew’s arms are around me. I lean against him as silent tears roll down my face. “I’m so sorry, Mathew,” I say. “So, so sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry,” he says. He tries not to sound too disappointed, but I can hear the sadness in his voice and see the tears in his eyes. “It’s not anything you could have changed.”
“I want to be able to give you a child, Mathew. One of your own, not borrowed from someone else. I want you to have a child that you can look at and be proud of because he’s your creation. I want to give you someone that you can love. And I can’t even do that. I’m a failure.”
His hand, which was rubbing my back, stops. “No. You may not be able to give me a son right now. But you can give me a beautiful home, and a little girl who I can raise as my own. And you have given me love, Meagan. But of all, you’ve given me hope. Hope that one day, my children or my grandchildren will live in a world where they won’t be in a dictatorship with no freedom and no rights. You have given me everything.”
I shake my head, but don’t say anything. He guides me over to the bed and lays me down under the covers. “Get some sleep, and I’ll take care of Belle today.” As I close my eyes, I realize for the first time just how tired I really am. I fall asleep in minutes.
I wake up to the sound of pots crashing to floor. I hear a splash of water, the sound of someone crying. I launch myself out of the bed and into the kitchenette.
There’s boiling water, noodles, and a pot on the floor. Belle is sitting on a chair, seemingly unharmed. I go over to her and make sure she’s okay, and I don’t see anything wrong with her. Mathew is at the sink, running his hand under cold water.
I looked in the book for something to make for dinner, to take the load off of you. I was just going to drain the noodles, then a big bubble popped and it splashed water on me and then I dropped the pot and everything… yeah.” He looks at the ground and runs his hand through his hair.
I look at his hand, but don’t see any damage. “But you’re okay?” I ask him.
He nods. “Yeah,” he says. He looks at Belle. “And she didn’t get splashed or anything. She just got scared.” I start cleaning up the noodles, and seeing that the danger has bapped, Belle climbs off the chair and helps me. After the noodles are off the floor, Mathew takes a towel and wipes up the water. I look around the room, a sigh escaping my lips.
“Why don’t we go to the cafeteria to eat?” I suggest. We sit down with our food, but I don’t even take one bite. We come back to the room after dinner, and I take out a deck of cards. “Belle, do you want to play ‘Go Fish’?” She nods vigorously, and I deal out two hands. “Mathew, are you going to play too?” I deal him a hand before he can answer, but he doesn’t seem disappointed when I pat the chair next to me.
For the rest of the night, we play cards and we forget about the disaster that happened only a few hours ago. When I go to bed, though, things aren’t good. Once my mind has time to roam, time to remember, it travels to the room where I received the type of news that destroys you.
I know that I’ll never look at that room the same way. That kind of news crushes every molecule, reducing you to a tiny cube. It takes a part of you away that you can never get back. It destroys your excitement, distorts your smile. It changes you.
The news that my body had once again failed to keep a child alive changed me into someone I don’t want to be. Someone who falls over and collapses at the slightest touch, the smallest word. Afraid to love, I hardly talk to Mathew now. It’s been three months since my baby died, and I haven’t had a single conversation with Mathew since.
Of course, we do communicate every once in a while. We have a kid, remember? Belle requires us to communicate. But that’s the only thing that I talk to him about. He