scarred by KLeena Girl (animal farm read txt) 📖

she wanted to shake herself free of all doubts and madness, she grabbed her things and went off to school. During the day she kept her attitude. There was no way she would let this get to her. This year was important for her because she was about to pass her intermediated exams.
She arrived at home late in the afternoon and buried herself in books and homework. This was how it went on in the following week. And soon – and almost too easily – Serena had forgotten about the letter.
Well, not exactly forgotten, but her interest in its content became less and less as the days passed by. She was studying for biology and was reading a text about white blood cells, when David crossed her mind suddenly. Of course, all those things about leucoplasts she connected immediately with Leukaemia and him. Serena sighed. Deep down she knew she couldn’t neglect the letter forever. A bit reluctantly, she stood up, took the paper out of her cupboard and opened it.

Serena,

If you’re reading this, then you’ve already made your decision. I’m sad it turned out this way, but I guess it couldn’t be helped.
As hard as it is, I can understand your feelings and your hatred. And I know hatred tends to solve no one’s problem. One must solve the hatred before. So that’s why I respect your decision.
Just so you know, Lucas and I loved you, I still do. You were our protégée, our little sister and our best friend. We never wanted to humiliate you, we just wanted to spend comfort. Things between the three of us had been rough from the beginning. We had to leave you and that was probably the biggest mistake, not only mine, but Lucas’, too. I guess that is the one thing I regret the most.
The thing that cracked us the most, however, was definitely what happened in Hamburg. Both the incident and the aftermath. You were down to the ground like you were once, when we found you so many years ago. I thought we could deal with it together, we could manage all the misery. But it was futile. In the end, we failed. Because I failed you.
I broke the promises, just like Lucas did when he died on us. But he didn’t break them on purpose, as I did. I had left you once more, hell I’m just leaving you again – though, it’s your wish this time – I had lied to you once more and I had made you feel the way I had promised to never let you feel again. When it comes down to it, all promises got shattered. Just like us. I mean, there isn’t even an us anymore. Just some strangers, messing with other people’s life. You won’t deny it that it was me who ruined your relationship with Adam. I want to be honest. I was jealous of him. I feared that you going away would break LSD apart, boy was I stupid for not realizing that it already had. And I’m not sure anymore what the trouble was that started all of this, the reasons all have run away, but the feeling never did. By now, it had become so complicated that I can’t figure out what’s right for you. Whatever it is, it’ll be wrong for me.
I’m glad I was able to talk to you for one last time, but now I have to say goodbye. Live your life the way you’ve always wanted to. And stop worrying about me.
If we ever meet again, then I hope it’ll be when all our memories are lost and our lives have found their own way, without pain.
If we ever meet again, my mind won’t recognize you, not even my heart or soul. It’ll be like we have never known each other in the first place.

From now on, we’ll be strangers.
goodbye

David

That was all? A few empty words and a ridiculous attempt to excuse him? „You’ve got to be kidding me”, she said under her breath. Rage gripped her fully and the paper was immediately crushed in her fist. Punching forward impulsively, her hand met the glass frame containing a picture of David and her. The notion of this only made her more aggressive. „Fuck”, she hissed. A red spot appeared on the letter, which she had dropped in the process. It was soon accompanied by other drops of blood. Serena examined the bloody mess of her hand. A splinter dug painfully into her palm. Slightly panicked, she managed to forget about her anger and quickly went downstairs into the bathroom. With great carefulness she pulled the glass out of her flesh. Her teeth captured her bottom lip to stop the yelp of pain from escaping. Cold, clear water poured over her hand and wrist. The wound was a deep, but straight and clean cut. Luckily, the pain eased as the bleeding slowed down. Serena looked up into the mirror. Her face was pale, which only made her bloodshot, dark eyes more prominent. They were starting to water, although Serena forbade herself to cry. Streams of silent tears rolled down the colourless skin, while she wrapped a band-aid around her hand. Finished, she raised her arm and wiped the moisture away. „Pull yourself together girl for fuck’s sake”, she swore and left the bathroom.
Serena’s madness was returning. She was not only mad at David now, but at herself, too. Geez, she was mad at everything. She knew she shouldn’t have opened the letter. It had only made things worse. She entered her room, ready to clean up, when she suddenly gasped. Green eyes widened in shock. Her lips remained slightly opened, when she blinked in astonishment. And just like that, that, what she had seen, had disappeared. The girl shook her head. No, she couldn’t have just seen that. She had not just seen him

. Had she? It had been an eternity since she last had experienced such illusions. It couldn’t be happening again

.
„You’re crazy, Serena”, she admonished her mind. She bent down to pick up the splinters. The letter and the photo were put into her cupboard again. She decided to let it stay there for a while because she didn’t plan to deal with it anytime soon.
Stripping out of her t-shirt and trousers, she slipped on her pyjamas. After dousing the light, she lay on her side. Even if she didn’t want to admit it, the sudden and impossible meeting scared her badly. She held her injured hand and pulled her knees closer to her body. Tension kept her muscles rigid, while she desperately tried to escape from her fears and that particular image. Though, it wouldn’t leave her, not even when she closed her eyes tightly.
The image of Lucas Newman standing in her room haunted her throughout the whole night.


* * *


Serena awoke with a start and looked around her. Her room appeared normal and held a calming effect on her. Yesterday’s incident must have been caused by her overflowing fantasy. Yes, it had been just like that. The letter apparently had taken a deep impact on her, making her see such crazy things. She had been out of it that moment. That was all.
Feeling somewhat reassured by this, she got up, dressed and went out to make it through the day.
It was already evening, when Serena came back home. „There had been a call for you this afternoon”, her mother told her, when she was about to go upstairs. „A Mrs Newton, I think. I told her you’d call back.”
„Sure, I will”, Serena faked a smile, „Thanks, Mum.”
Bursting into her room – relieved to find no sign of Lucas in here – she fetched her phone and dialled. Carol had called, so something must have happened to David. All arguments and anger were forgotten right now. She just needed to know that David was okay. Impatiently, her fingers played with the band-aid around her wrist.
„Newton here”, a familiar, though long time not heard voice said.
The words rushed out of Serena’s mouth. „Carol, it’s me – Serena! What’s wrong? Is David okay? Has anything happened to him? Please tell me, I need to know, I –“
„I would, my dear, if you gave me chance to.”
Serena immediately became quiet. „So sorry, Carol. Of course.” David’s mother sounded worried, but not utterly sad. It meant David was still alive. The first wave of relief rolled over her.
„Actually, I wanted to talk to you about my son. I thought you may know what is eating him up.”
Serena didn’t reply.
„He’s been so down, since he came back from Germany. Has something happened over there, my child? Anything that might be the cause of his attitude? You can tell me, my dear, you know that.”
I know, Carol, but I can’t. Not this time.

Serena thought dejectedly. She forced her voice to sound normal, almost cheerful. „I’m sorry, Carol. Everything has been fine, when he was here. I have no idea what’s the matter with him.”
Suspicion sneaked into his mother’s tone. „You sure, my dear? I’m really worried about him.”
„Absolutely”, Serena confirmed and the guilty conscience fretted on her. „Whatever it is, I’m sure he’ll be okay.”
„Alright”, Carol didn’t seem pleased, but at the same time she didn’t press it. „I hope you’ll visit us some time, Serena. I must say I really miss you, my dear.”
„Thank you so much, Carol”, Serena told her, „That would be great. If you excuse me now, I’ve got a lot of work to do.”
„Sure, sweetie. Take care.”
„Yes, Ma’am. Goodbye.” Her finger pushed the red button and disconnected the call. She sighed aloud and her shoulders sank in both shame and easement.
„It’s not very nice of you to lie to Mrs Newton, you know.”
Green eyes widened. Serena swirled around to find her assumption proven true. „Lucas”, she said unconsciously.
„Yes”, he answered. Goosebumps appeared on her arms at the sound of his voice.
„No. You’re not here.” She closed her eyes. „I’m seeing things.” Again.
The presence came closer to her form and she could almost feel the warmth of his body. „I am”, he explained calm and leaned in. „Open your eyes, Serena.” His breath puffed against her cheek, when he whispered. However, Serena didn’t open her eyes. She was too afraid to. She didn’t believe in anything and surely not in ghosts. Why was this happening? It was absolutely irrational. She must have been caught in a bad dream, a nightmare she would soon wake from. „You’re not real. You’re not real. You’re not real…”, Serena continued to tell herself. She heard soft laughter. Finally opening her eyes, she realized that the illusion was still present. Lucas smiled at her. „You’re sweet when you're in denial, Serena.”
„You. Are. Not. Real.” A sudden portion of bravery made her step forward to brush past him. She turned her back on him. „Go away, Lucas.”
„I thought you would be happy to see me.” The hurt in his tone made her shiver.
Less strict, she added, „I am, but I have to move on. I love you so much, Lucas, and I always will. But I need you to let me go. To let me live.”
„I don’t want to stop from living, Serena.”
„No, you don’t. But my mind does. Because I still imagine you. You’re not real and I need to stop deceiving myself all the time. You’re not coming back and I need to leave the past behind.” Her voice grew soft.
„But I am here!” Lucas exclaimed and approached her. Serena jerked at his closeness. She was running out of patience with him or rather with her imagination. „You’re